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Step mom spends hubby's money more

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by shrutimanjunath, Sep 18, 2014.

  1. shrutimanjunath

    shrutimanjunath Platinum IL'ite

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    My step mom is in USA and has come to help me out. She never fulfilled her objective of coming here and never realised that she's here to help me. However

    she has shopped like hell. This year we had major drawback financially and my hubby is having some limits in expending money.

    We we will be going to India in the next week and we haven't shopped much for ourselves. My step mom had bought some cash with her in dollars and spent it.
    Later she took 400$ for shopping from my hubby with the intent of returning it once she reaches india. My hubby did a mistake that whenever she's paying the bill. He gives his credit card and never allowed her to spend the cash. Now what she got used to is shopping like hell and waiting for us to pay the bill.


    Everytime we we go out and if I shop some cheap stuff for relatives and show her then she buys it abd waits for us to pay. While billing my hubby is just like wow!!! 100$ bill.

    She buys costly stuff. She knows that we are in financial crisis.

    How do I ask her to pay the amount or return it. I'm saving the money for our future and for my son.

    She has made 100$ bill each time. I'm scared. Pls give me tips to remind her that she has to pay.


    Also her cousin is coming this weekend. Now she's planning to buy gift for them. We are not in a position to give gifts to others right now. But she's telling she wants to give them some gift.
     
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  2. MrsBV

    MrsBV Gold IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    I think its time to have the talk with her and tell her politely but firmly that it will not be possible for your husband to spend anymore on her. Also, give her a gentle reminder to repay the amount for all the shopping that she has done once she reaches India + 400 dollars that she owes you guys.

    If she doesnt understand your politeness next time you go shopping act as if you have not taken the card and just wait for her to take out the cash and pay. Either she will keep back the stuff or remove the cash and pay! Hope it helps!
     
  3. pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    OP its easy to spend free money.You had to have a talk about it to your hubby as he started this bad habit.Tell him its okay for your step mom to spend for herself.No need to act male pride behaviour.

    Inform her now itself that your credit limit is finished and you cant afford to spend more as you need to bear the travel expense.Prepare her to face the fact now itself.

    And do the simple act of keeping aside the costly items that she places in your basket and do the paying telling her that you can purchase it with less price in some other shop.

    Ignore her when she wants to shop or just leave her in the shop and collect her after her shopping is over.avoid shopping with her .You can plan and shop behind her back.(anyway you can buy all those items in india itself)

    You can also tell her roughly how much she owes you plus how much you can afford to loan her.This will at least rub some of the "free money" tag off her purchases.Inform your dad that she is borrowing heavily to do costly shopping.
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2014
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  4. rmuramka

    rmuramka Gold IL'ite

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    Next time on..you and DH keep discussing financial things in front of her. Every small bit..like.."Oh this month's bill is too high..we need to cut down on calls", "Oh these groceries and veggies have gone up....its so difficult to manage", "Gosh..these monthly expenses are getting too unmanageable..lets not eat out too often"..Make a big deal of every small thing in front of her....and make it too evident.

    If the indirect hints do not help/....nothing but blatant confrontation will work....
     
  5. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    We had this issue the first time PIL visited. MIL wanted everything she saw. DH bought most of it. I kept quiet even though I knew that our expenses were greater than our income. We had been in the country for less than a year when they came. Reason they came so soon was that we were planning to return in a couple of years.

    ANYWAY, 2 days before they left, FIL suddenly came up with a need for 5 lakhs for the flat we were building. He had sent us the cost amount, we had applied for loan. But he never even mentioned this 5 lakhs. When we questioned him, he said he "assumed" it would not be needed so did not mention it.

    We did not sleep that night trying to figure out how to come up with that money. Next morning on top of everything, MIL started crying saying that DH had one day promised to give her some money when she returned. So now she was asking - $1000. We took out the bank statements and DH finally put his foot down and said NO WAY! She spent the day crying. FIL called us aside and told us to not make her sad, and to "somehow" get the money for her.

    DH calmly in front of them told me - Let us pack our bags. Sell off everything. We will spend the next few months on the road, sleeping on a blanket. EVEN then she did not give up.

    That was when DH realized what he meant to his parents - only a cash machine, nothing more.

    But since then, he has been very firm in telling them that he cannot afford things beyond a certain limit. That's what you need to do....be firm with her.
     
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