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staying with inlaws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by srini_08, Jan 18, 2008.

  1. srini_08

    srini_08 New IL'ite

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    I have a situation here.
    My husband and myself have plans to go back to India after few years. We both also strongly feel that independent living is better than staying in a joint family because that way we will have our own personal space,privacy and concentrated approach towards the kids.

    My inlaws are expecting that we have to come to stay with them rather than staying separately.We have not conveyed our opinion to them considering that we are not going to relocate in the near future.

    I am slightly concerned as to how the message has to be conveyed because finally one day or the other we have to convey the fact.Will DIL be the bad person there and be held responsible of making such decisions!!!

    Can somebody please suggest me on this?
    Has anyone experienced similar case like this?
     
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  2. SoaringSpirit

    SoaringSpirit Silver IL'ite

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    Srini,

    The very big thing in your favor is that your husband and you are of the same opinion. More than half of your battle is won.

    If you still have a few years before you plan to go back then don't worry about broaching this topic just yet. Wait until you have reached decision time. A lot of things could change between now and then so no point in telling them now or worrying about it now.

    My approach would be to just relax and cross the bridge when the time comes.

    And about DIL being the bad person, bluntly put - chances are, yes, you may be held responsible! :) If the decision is not as per their liking then they are more likely to hold you, the DIL, as the major contributor in the decision. But does it really matter? To me it wouldn't. I would do my best to explain them the reasons beforehand. They would always be welcome to come stay with me as often as they'd like. I would not shrug off my responsibility towards them in any way. So I would not feel guilty if I did a few things the way me and hubby like. Nothing wrong with that at all. And even if someone tried to make me feel bad about it, I wouldn't feel bad :)

    SS
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2008
  3. srini_08

    srini_08 New IL'ite

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    Thank you very much for a supportive answer.
     
  4. roopadadia

    roopadadia Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Srini,

    I agree with SS.

    You are talking of the future. Today you can't predict what the situation will be ...so why worry or fret over something that you are not sure about. Utilise that energy for something that needs immediate attention.

    Warm regards
    Roopa.
     
  5. roopadadia

    roopadadia Silver IL'ite

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    Dear SS,

    I would love to meet you sometime. I am really impressed with your postitive attitude. Your nick name here is apt.

    Warm regards
    Roopa.
     
  6. SoaringSpirit

    SoaringSpirit Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks Roopa! That was a very generous compliment.

    Now you have made me feel more positive :)

    I would love to meet you too! I have read many of your replies to various posts and I have noticed one thing consistently which I like in particular - you never seem to be in denial of the facts no matter how harsh they may be. I consider this to be an extremely important factor in improving any situation.

    Have a great weekend. Your weekend is already underway!

    SS

     
  7. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    Very bluntly put - EVERYTHING is always the DILs' faults, because the sons are such innocent, newborn, babes-in-arms.

    As everyone else said, don't worry about the future now. Who knows how it may turn out? Maybe you won't ever return or maybe your inlaws' health will make you change your minds and live with them... you never know!

    I would suggest that you not broach this subject until the day actually comes and the deed is actually done. THEN, your husband can explain HIS reasoning behind the move. I strongly opine that you stay out of it because you may be held responsible. While it may not bother you, it may affect your husband's relationship with his parents if they think that he is being influenced by you. Therefore, please let HIM explain why HE doesn't want to live with them.

    Your husband thinks like you do - which is a humungous PLUS for you. Lucky you! A friend of mine lives very close to her MIL but not WITH her. That's a win-win for both. The MIL is not insecure that the son is not taking care of her in her old age and the son & DIL have their independence and privacy. Both sides win.

    Good luck to you. Maybe this will not even be an issue when the time comes!
     
  8. srini_08

    srini_08 New IL'ite

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    Thank you so much for you suggestion.
     

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