Sripriya, Sridhar and Anitha Rathnam

Thanks Sathya, for the nice poem.

identity ellorum theda..
kalappadam illathu ezhudinaal
bathil solvathilum
kalappadamo kapadamo irukkaathu...

I would be grateful if you can kindly explain the meaning of the above lines in simple prose.
thanks,
sridhar

 

Dear Malathi,
My God, that's a full-fledged, affectionate letter rather than a mere plain reply. Happy to know that your son is coming here. We at IL can wait, Spend maximum time with him. That, naturally is top on priority. And convey my best wishes to him on his first assignment. May he bring forth more and more laurels to you and Mr.Jagan.
Had it not been for those three beautiful minds, I would not have opted to write this matter at all. I don't know how many lives these three guys touched. But they surely touched mine and changed it irrevocably.
Yes, meeting the two Cs of IL, C1 and C2 was an experience in itself. I felt completely relaxed in Cheeniya's company. After a while we teamed up in indulging in men's most favourite pastime - that of teasing the ladies. Time flew.
Yes Valarppom Thannambikkai has come to an end. Next they are publishing a novel of mine. First they wanted to start during June itself. Now they want the existing serial to be over to start my serial.
They have also shown interest in a few short stories of mine. Some of them might see the light of the day. Let's just wait and see.
Take care, Malathy. Whatever it is, do read SHE, at least as the Head of the Indian Embassy in the US and give your responses in the same capacity. I am sure that had you tried your luck in the UPSC exams you would have walked away with the IFS.
regards,

 

Dear Sudha,
Your post made me think, nay, lose myself in thoughts, for a few days. In fact till I had thought over a reply to your post I did not reply to the other posts.
As usual you have hit the nail right on its head and I could feel the hurt right in my heart. But I still feel that I am a bad hypocrite. Or at least was one, when I chose my life partner. I did not want to marry any woman who was popular - be it in music, dance or any other field. In fact I did not even want my wife to work. Of course I have been having a good life. But what about my wife? She is tagged on with me. She loves me and I love her. But is she fully happy in this life, as my wife, always playing the second fiddle to me? I am not sure.
Having said that, I dont find the advice given by Sripriya and Anitha impractical. You take the case of Urmila. She has a full-fledged dance school - Natya Sankalpa. Students swarm over to her. There are at least two or three arangetrams in a year. She has a family. Her daughter is in the college. She has won quite a few awards. I could see her face radiating that kind of cheer and confidence, which many times I dont find even in Aishwarya Rai.
Anitha Rathnam's cup of woes is full -broken marriage, teenage kids,a messy divorce and all. She is still cheerful thanks to her art. I had written about another lady in the Wednesdays thread who literally quit her marital home to devote time to music.
Her life is not a bed of roses. On the Arangetram day this lady had also come, but was a bit late. The watchman did not allow her to park her car anywhere. She had to literally fight with him for half an hour. She has no driver. And only when somebody told the watchman that the lady herself is an acclaimed musician, did he let her go.
I hear that on many days she carries her veena all alone by herself, drives the car herself in the peak-hour traffic to give a scintillating performance for her fans. She is not exactly happy. But I am sure she has found her way and I could see it from the radiance in her face.
As I told in SHE, the path towards the search of one's idenity is not a picnic to a well-connected resort, but the perilous Amarnath Yatra, where one may lose so many things, including one's own life. But still to some, Amarnath holds a fascination which no other journey can. Thats life.
You did make my heart heavy with your post.
regards,

 

Dear Nivedi,
Just now finished writing a long, sad reply to Sudha. Well, I am not competent to say whether this is important or that is important. I am not here to judge whether Anitha Rathnam is better or my Indhu is better, in their life-choices. I am just telling the world that there are women who take the road less travelled by.
There is a book written on the woes of Kasthurba. When two women came to stay in Gandhiji's house, Gandhi and these women would be conversing continuously, leaving Kasthurba out to be lonely. Once when one of those women complained to Mahatma, that Kasthurba was behaving funny, Mahatma told her, that Kasthurba has lost her mind. Forgive her for her actions.

A few months ago, one ILite while greeting my wife on her birthday told her how difficult it should be for her to be the wife of a minor celebrity. I then imagined how more difficult would it have been for Ma Kasthurba to be the wife of a major celebrity. Mahatma's work was recognised and he was revered, admired and appreciated. But Kasthurba's work went unnoticed and to me she is the most under-rated woman in the whole world.


regards,

 

Dear TDU,
Though you chose to address the post to Sudha, I have opted to reply, as your post, as usual contains a lot of good provocations for me.
Financial worry is a constraint, but I dont think it is a major constraint, especially if people do not hanker after a particular life style. Yes Anitha and Sripriya (and of course my heroine Shalini) may be quite rich. But being rich in itself is costly. And one has to put up with the appearances. I have had the instructive experience of handling the accounts and taxes of some very rich people. They also have their financial worries. One thing TDU, financial worry is universal. Its scale changes depending on the level you are placed. Thus a daily-wage casual labourer worries about food and medical expenses; a company executive does not have these worries, but has to worry about children's education, house mortgage and car loan payments. At the next level these worries are substituted by a totally different set of financial worries.

Having rigid views and seeking one's identity is as far as the north and the south poles. Yes popular women have had successful married life. But that does not per se mean, that Anitha Rathnam is at fault. When her marriage has failed we cannot blame her unless we hear both sides. My admiration for Ms. Anitha is certainly not on account of her failed marriage; it is due to the fact that even after that she has carved a niche for herself and making a mark in her chosen career. I know dozens of rich women who have divorced but they lead the lazy life of the idle rich doing virtually nothing. Compared to them Anitha has done exceedingly well.

Searching one's own identity is not breaking away from a healthy relationship; searching ones identity is not having rigid views; searching one's identity is not discarding all others and living the life of a recluse. Searching ones identity is finding ones true self, one's true potential and then try to exploit it to the fullest so that one leads the life of fulfilment. It is the last need in the Abraham Maslows need heirarchy theory - self-actualisation need. For some it happens only when they become world leaders; but for some others, it happens when they cook well and share their recipes with their friends.

I don't want to give a text book definition of searching for one's identity. But I do want to remove some popular misconceptions surrounding the term.

As usual you have given a nice piece of writing which has inspired this long reply from me.
regards,

 

Dear Kamla,
I had no intention of posting this piece of writing till Sripriya stood up to deliver her presidential address. In a simple colloquial Tamil she made her point very effectively. And then came Anitha with her stylish language drove home very powerful points. These ladies did not speak from a prepared text. How long did they take to prepare for the speech? Well, the answer is their entire lives thus far was the preparatory phase to deliver such a powerful message. As Sripriya was speaking words started dancing in my mind and they never stopped dancing till I brought them on to the computer screen, the next day.

My brother proposed the vote of thanks the other day. While thanking the guests (not the chief guests and the VVIPs, but the ordinary guests like you and me) he said that science has listed some conditions for the appearance of a rain bow. The sun should be in a slanting position, there should have been some rain so that the sun's rays are dispersed by the prism of water drops into their component colours.

He added, that in addition to all these conditions, art would add one more vital condition - a tasteful viewer. But for that viewer who sees the majestic VIBGYOR colours, rainbow is nothing. He said varsha's dance would have been a rainbow in the forest, but for the presence of rasikas in such large numbers.

In the same way but for your words of loving appreciation, my writings would have been just a rainbow in the forest.
thanks Kamla.
regards,

 

Dear Varloo,
thanks for the nice words. Actually the hall was full to the brim on that day. And Varsha was very happy.
There are a few things I want to make clear regarding the search for one's identity. Theres a misconception that only those ladies who dance to fame or switch husbands at the drop of one's hands or make in millions, have found their identity. There are literally millions of women (I salute them all) who have found their identity in just being a loving wife and a wonderful mother to their children. For these women that had been their heart's desire.
Some of them are made differently. To confine those women within the four walls of marriage is very difficult.
Actually being in the top rung of the society carries more stigma. Their life is like an open book. It is like living righ in the middle of Mount Road with nothing to cover or hide.
Regarding their financial worries I have already explained in my reply to TDU that it need not be a constraint.
There are many rich women. Super rich women. There are divorcees. Women who have broken out of their marriages. I am not writing about all of them. I am writing only about such of those women, who have found their mission even in those difficult surroundings.
I may be able to explain it better when SHE ends after a few more weeks.
regards,