First of all, your situation is not something to be dismissed. It is indeed very traumatic and very concerning. You should definitely talk to a counsellor, please take care. I think as women, we have more to hide than speak. My MIL passed away a year and a half ago. I don't know how much DH is affected by it. He never opened up to me except for the first one month after her death. I wonder if men deal with it better or they take it out elsewhere. To me it sounds bad because mother is usually the first person a woman turns to, to discuss or vent. I hope you find someone to get it all out.