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Splitsvilla - Where Is This Nation Heading To??

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Bhargavi03, Nov 30, 2016.

  1. Bhargavi03

    Bhargavi03 Gold IL'ite

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    Today the whole country have been ranting and whining about the latest implementation – the demonetization drive initiated by our honorable Prime Minister. While there is an uproar and fracas about this issue all over our nation something else captured my attention and left me in grave shock and unfathomable thoughts as I was flipping through the pages of my news paper – the rising cases of divorces especially amidst young and newly married couples. In the beginning it was only my portion of entertainment and gossips while skimming through the page 3 section of my daily editorial with news about some South Indian and Bollywood celebrities, eventually my fascination about this fantasy world died down to sheer confusion and disappointment as I encountered the news about the separation between some famous south Indian movie celebrities. A few months ago the paper was flooded with the news about the divorce between the Roshan couples (Hrithik and Sussanne Khan) who were married for 14 years and then later it was all about the infamous couple from the Salman Khan family (Arbaaz and Malaika Arora) who were also married for a long time.

    Suddenly it dawned to me that because these people are some public figures their private life issues are being discussed blatantly by common folks like us and how their once upon a time rosy married life has come to an end disgraceful to the limelight. But the savage reality and the truth is that there has been an exponential rise in the number of divorce cases filed in the recent times by a lot of young and newly married couples who are no celebrities but some ordinary men and women whom we know or live around us.

    Quite recently I recollected an article published on Times of India news magazine with some staggering and mind-boggling statistical figures of the number of divorces filed primarily in the urban, suburban and cosmopolitan parts of India like Delhi, Mumbai, Kolkata and Bangalore. Every 13 out of 1000 marriages are ending in divorce as against 1 in 1000 ten years ago. In the olden times it was believed that breaking of marriages are more common in the western countries and India known for its heritage and cultural values are more resilient and sustain a long lasting marriages. But in the modern times there has been an unusual trend in our country with increase in divorce rates as witnessed by the family courts. It is terrible and mind harrowing to see young couples married for hardly a few months stacked in front of the family courts seeking for divorce.

    These incidents hit me real hard when something like that happened to one of my close relatives and another good old friend. I was perplexed when I heard that they were parting ways for good because these were people very much in love and courting for years and indeed desperate to get married but within a short span of three months since their marriage they decided to part ways from each other. All my conviction and faith about the age old traditional and conventional institution of marriage began to falter a little bit. Although my earlier presumptions were that such things happens only with people who undergo an arranged marriage my belief shattered as I heard and read more stories about people who knew and loved each other for really long decided to end their marriage in a rather sour and bitter state.

    What really goes wrong when a man and woman in love decide to stay together under one roof after marriage?

    They cite a range of reasons for their irreconcilable differences - the waning influence of the family and joint family; unwanted and ostensible interference of the parents; the growing psychological and financial independence of women; late marriages resulting in a greater reluctance to compromise or change set ways and lifestyles. The greatest difference, however, is in the willingness to end a marriage that is not working. Why is it that the urge in ending a marriage is not displayed in trying to mend the inconsistencies in a marriage?

    What happened to our parents or grandparents who had their marriages that lasted for more than 40 or 50 years together? Was that a myth? Does that mean they were 100% compatible, or never had had any arguments or differences in their opinions? The major difference was that these people had the perseverance and immense tolerance level to shove away the unwanted issues that crops up and attempts to ruin their marriage. Those days people approached courts to end their marriages in really serious issues like dowry harassment or physical violence and abuse but these days the reasons are so naive, vulnerable and at times even really lame in most cases (of course there are exceptions with issues like infidelity or lack of consummation due to some physical or psychological disorder which is purely left to the individuals to handle).

    Well, I am no expert marriage counsellor or a physiatrist but with my limited knowledge about marriage from my more than 7 years of married life with my husband (still going strong) I do comprehend the challenges and odds that a marriage poses to have a happily-ever-after story. The first phase probably close to a year or sometimes even more in a few cases of a marriage is certainly not a bed of all roses. It involves a lot of adjustments and compromises in terms of understanding each other’s daily habits, behaviour or even practices albeit they knew each other very well before marriage. Things definitely change after marriage but it is in one’s hands to shape it positively for a better future together. Every individual is different and every marriage may have different rules and priorities but to save a marriage and keep it lasting there are only 3 basic golden rules which would be understating each other, compatibility and accepting each other as the way they are (of course with certain amount of compromises for each other because no one is perfect).

    I hope the younger generation finds their soul mate in the person they marry and live their fairy tale vision for a positive society and a better tomorrow!
     
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  2. Bhargavi03

    Bhargavi03 Gold IL'ite

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    Hello friends after my last series I am back with a short snippet this time - "SPLITSVILLA- Where Is This Nation Heading To??"
    Enjoy reading and post your comments like always.
    Take care.
    Cheers,
    Bhargavi
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    1 in 1000 or 13 in 1000.....these are numbers .
    1 in 1000 does not mean people were happier....just that living in unhappy marriages was expected from people.Separating was not an option.


    Being married by itself is not an achievement...a basic level of happiness and satisfaction is expected in a marriage.

    Many marriages are not meant to survive.The couple or one of them is miserable and it is better to end it for peace of mind.It should not be considered a catastrophe .

    There are many issues around us that are far more serious and deserve consideration and debate. We are far from perfect as a nation or culture and should be less judgmental about the personal decisions of people .

    Personally I don't see divorces are a bad development.It means more and more people value their lives and are not willing to live unhappy lives.It means more and more people are willing to give themselves and others another chance.

    13 out of 1000 is not an alarming number at all.
    I think considering the times we live in....it is still indicative of a very conservative society.
     
  4. Bhargavi03

    Bhargavi03 Gold IL'ite

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    Wow that was quite intense and a different perception to the post. Your words rings a supportive and a louder voice for that smaller proportion in 1000 probably positive for that crowd. Thanks for such a rave and an open criticism to my post.
     
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  5. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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  6. Bhargavi03

    Bhargavi03 Gold IL'ite

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    Well my post was essentially pointing at instances where many couples married for less than 6 months or even lesser end up into an impulsive and an hasty decision of bringing their marriages to an end without attempting to giving a fair chance of testing if the relationship could work for better. These are examples of youngsters from my acquaintances and even from various sources of news materials that I had read recently.

    This was one such article from Hindustan times that I had read.
    How and why number of young Indian couples getting divorced has risen sharply

    Indeed in Bangalore they have increased the number of family courts to handle these disputes which is certainly disturbing. Indeed in 2009 almost 300 divorces cases had been filed in Lucknow by couples who were married less than a year. My point of question was except for a few really serious situations which might demand a separation between the couples for their peace and sanctity a major portion of the crowd just ends up taking impulsive decisions by merely reacting to the situations.

    Having said that I truly agree to your opinion if the couples have tried and tested about the working model of their relationships and realized that it is not meant to be certainly it is best for them to part ways for their peace and happiness and discover other sources of continuing their lives.

    And certainly it is some unrealistic fantasy expectations that these people set from their marriages that leads to a grave disappointments and disarray of their marriages.
     
    joylokhi likes this.
  7. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    if people are mature enough to marry then they must be mature enough to decide if marriage needs to be ended.
    why people wants to end their marriage after 6 months or 6 years, its their personal matter hence subjective too....it doesnt imply that generation is getting impatient and doesnt want to put effort into marriage, to me it implies that we need to look into why people choosing wrong partner?? are people taking decision of marriage in a hurry or in pressure???may be we need to refactor the parameter or choosing a partener, they are not serving us well.
    by society, couple should not be pressurized to remain in a marriage,just because divorce looks ugly on our society's marriage preserving image.
     
  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Lathasv and KashmirFlower like this.
  9. Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    OP...

    I think your post is very biased.

    Back in our gparents times..this were so different for women. I know gmas who lived with spouses
    1. had more then 1 wife
    2. Physically abusive
    3. emotionally abusive
    4. wasted away all the money with bad habits
    5. Or plain just not compatible. One of the ladies I know used to visit many temples just to make up for her lousy marriage.

    Women did not have financial independence back then, no job, no assets in their name & the society was pretty cruel to women.

    To me marriage is nothing holy. It is just a society's design that people can pass on their genes to the next generation in a culturally accepted way. If it doesn't work and there are no ways that you can make it work..separation is better.

    What I don't understand is..why should a bad marriage be saved? what good does it do to anyone?
     
    Lathasv, coolgal123 and KashmirFlower like this.
  10. Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    How do we know for what reasons they separated? & who are we to judge how long someone should be married before they can divorce? or for what reasons one can divorce?
     

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