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Spending Time Together : Who Visits Who

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Meghaa, Mar 29, 2021.

  1. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    We are happy to have in-laws come visit us and stay as long or as short as they wish. They don't want to. When they do , it feels like they are not happy or comfortable here. They cant wait to leave. We have tried asking them what we can do to make their stay more enjoyable. Their answers are simply things we cant fix - like we have people in the village visiting. We dont get all the varieties of food . You guys are working/busy etc.

    Honestly, we feel a little hurt that they cant forgo a few familiar things for a short duration - a month or 2 if they really want to spend time with us. But we are making peace with the fact that you cant make someone want to stay with us. So we no longer push them to come visit.

    Now, there is constant pressure for us to visit and how 2 weeks or 3 weeks is too short when we do.

    We don't even feel like visiting. It feels like they are not interested in our life or making an effort to spend time with us. But expect us to show up where its convenient for them.
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Hah! Some people really don’t like to travel or go out of their comfort zone. It seems to get worse with age. You have tried asking, they don’t want to change. Just accept it for what it is and visit them as your schedule permits.
    Don’t get too hung up on counting who visits whom. As we grow older I realize that the time with our elder loved ones grows shorter. Find a way to keep the relationships strong.
     
  3. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:My sister and her spouse in last week of Feb 2020 left India to Cupertino to be of assistance to their daughter who was expecting. Their air passage booked by their daughter/son-in-law.
    Within a week of their arrival, sister’ daughter delivered a healthy baby.

    One year of varying seasons had gone by. In the last one year, so many times we spoke on video call and at no time, there was any hint of dissatisfaction of their prolonged stay thanks to lockdown. Last message that they got vaccinated without any reaction or aftereffect gave me a huge relief.

    When asked often specifically about my sister’s & Bil’s readiness in adapting to Cupertino life style, my working sororal niece and her spouse in one voice said that they are feeling ”at home” in their home and taking good care of my grand-niece.

    But then with this info, one can not conclude or generalise that all visiting oldies from India to THERE are happy or unhappy about their stay in USA.

    Thanks for nostalgia.
    Regards.

    GOD - East or West - East coast Home is Best!
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2021
  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    You’re so lucky your in laws don’t stay long! Their backgrounds are different, they may be enjoying the calm and healthy and carefree life in their village...they would have a good social life there with known neighbours and relatives, which they can’t have in city..
    The fast lifestyle in city with busy and working some and DIL would bore them a lot...
    Don’t blame yourself, you have tried your best and you anyways cannot take them sightseeing during this pandemic...
    Apartments in cities are smaller, they’re used to larger and spacious home s in village.
    That itself is an issue, all cities have rising number of Covid cases..maybe smaller villages like theirs do not have any Covid cases and they could stay there peacefully and with freedom of movement.
    Again let me remind how lucky you are, because
    In laws do not intrude in your privacy
    They don’t force you to cook varieties of foods like what they get in native village
    They don’t overstay and leave in few weeks
    They don’t force you and your husband to compromise on your work hours to spend time with them..
    They would take care of their medical needs on their own and you don’t have to be caretakers everytime they fall sick.
    According to my experience, short stays with in laws are usually bearable and peaceful, as both sides would make adjustments, and some distance is needed is needed in long run..when in laws stay for longer duration there will be major conflicts arising.
     
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  5. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Everyone’s parents are different and so it totally depends on their comfort level in new places. My dad loves visiting US but my mom hates it so they very rarely come. Last time they came was 5-6 years back.

    I try and go once a year but of course it is limited by how much vacation I have. Parents would like me to stay more with them but I can’t and they refuse to come visit me.

    It’s painful but I have just accepted it. It is what it is.
     
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