Speak more or less with mother in law?

I do only formal talking. When she visits will do very generic conversation, less about family and lot about my kid. repectfull, no toomuch bending.

 

@mcutiepie

: I also second you no this. I have experienced the same things as you. My MIL always used to say that i don't speak much and i'm not mingling with new family and all. she expected me to discuss each and every tiny detail. She always speaks about people from her workplace.

Once i told her about some family problem my colleague was experiencing and she listened nicely. Then next day she called up my Grandmom and started complaining "What kind of people work in seekout's office? Why does she need to talk to them. she gets all useless ideas from them."
That day i decided, never to have casual talk with her.

 

Very true...
When i used to live with PILs, daily i would tell happenings in office to MIL.
And MIL would propaganda to her sisters (3) , one of sister live in the same building first floor. Next morning her sister would be advicing me or talk about same topic.
Talking casually would backfire...
I eventually stopped..soon after they started poking nose on my every stuff.
Better keep safe distance.

 

Exactly.I am in same boat.My MIL complains about me that I don't talk to her much.
She said that to all my relatives too.But when ever I go for causal talk, she will show her real face.She will start fight OR tell me list of faults in me OR will compare me with thousand of daughter in law OR use my talk against me.

 

Ask me about it....
i am usually a chatterbox while am with my parents and especially with my brother.... And it was only 3 months into my marriage when my MIL was satirical about how I talk a lot... doh1 And she kept on complaining and was being satirical... I used to share with her my thoughts.... I was naive then.... Biggest mistake.... :bonk Now nearly 2 years into my marriage I have learnt to keep it minimal and give out only what is needed for her to know... But am never aggressive never lost my stance till now... Hope it stays the same always... And when I started being minimal with my talks then came a complaint to my hubby that am not talking to them at all.... For which he said that am being diplomatic and careful with my talks:2thumbsup: now am only talking once in a week while we do Skype...

 

I talk as little as possible with my MIL when she is normal, when she goes into advising mode I completely switch off. Now that she has realised, she also doesnt talk much to me but when i speak occasionally on the phone i am civil n so is she.Better than arguing or cold wars atleast.. My husband speaks to her regularly n I encourage him to talk to her too cos I don't want my relationship with her to affect his..

 

SmilingGirl02 :,Vedhavalli : Yeah, the moment you start casual talk they will start advising then will start comparing with the other DILs in their family. Many a times i have been compared with other DILs(here other DILs are my MIL's brother's/sister's DIL) saying "They will sit when asked to sit and stand when asked to stand. you are the one who is having a problem if i say something to you and go and talk about it to my son."(Ava nillu na nippa ukkaru na ukkaruva neeyum irukaye yethavathu sonna odane poi avan kitta solluve.)

 

It is always tricky when speaking with in laws. We never know how they are going to interpret the words we say. Speaking less is the best thing. It is OK to get a tag that we are Reserved rather than bringing in trouble by chatting. And speaking more definitely lessens our respect.

By what you say about in laws, I think what you are already doing is best. The more you speak, the more easier it becomes for them to pass comments.

 

Well don't encourage such an attitude by following this. Let them have any expectations, you do whatever your coscience says as the most respectable thing to do. If you start stooping low, there will be no limit downwards.