Sparing or almost no sex for 5.5 yrs with my DH

I have been intellectually cursing him nowadays when he gets back to his old ways in between.
I have been telling him he will suffer in old age with a long life/age and physicallly sound but no mental peace at all.But I and my kids will be in best shape mentally and physically and successful.

He is really getting to see the future looks like by that...its only in old age when he will need special care and need looking after then will realise the value of the wife. His crap parents will be buried six feet under not there to give support to an old man.He will start behaving better then.

And I told him I will not think he has changed for the better but its only because he knows that he will be ignored for he is bad ways thruout in young age.

He is getting to see the real world , I think hence he is coming back to behaving normal.

But he has to behave more and over properly with me now to make me behave normal with him....

Hope I atleast enjoy the trip with my kid , if not him.. As I have lost good views on him , that is his job now to create a good reputation about himself...Tables have turned...This also one of the reasons I am not easily able to show interest in sex and dresses and etc etc...Hope he learns what repeated rejection does...

 

want to post a better framed post - will edit later

 

hi

I am still wondering if YOU are in love with him or at least love him. Did not get an answer on that. What are your feelings? Because sex without love is even a problem for some guys, not only girls...

 

Point Blank answer : Kid and Hope.

 

Also I am exhausted by trying trying trying trying trying ... That too only me...
Is it only my job to try ..what is he , a spoilt kids , who I have to make ok.

I am exhausted by resolving things and taking things from him and his parents.
My last resort that i never wanted to use (the make or break fight 2 months back) , he made me use it.I do not see it as a win / sigh of relief.I hate him for pushing me to level of using my last resort .

Possibly , I would have been ok if had he not made me use my last resort.It gives me a very bad feeling that only fighting at verge of drastic consequences shows him the path(I also think he knew was wrong , but had let me suffer happily)

 

Thats the reason why I want to go to the counselor , to figure I why I am not in this mode ,It is me or Him who needs to change.Is it him who has to really work hard to get me back . OR is it only me to work again for all things.

I do not want things to be repeated , I have a fear...I do not want to exhaust myself again atleast in near future where I cannot take it so soon back again.

I am no GOD.

Yes , He has done everything to take away the LOVE from within me.
..Had he been even "little" sensitive I would have still been atleast just an inch away from this state.

Cast me good/ cast me bad ,cast me confused , cast me a mad , that just when things are resolved why are you behaving like this..The reason , I myself dont know, It is a lesson , dont push anybody to that limit , do not use a person's simplicity, sensitiveness , love , dont hurt repeatedly , respect your spouse...

 

I am not casting you as anything. We all are humans, with human motions, feelings, longings.

I am only trying to find out, if really sex and the sexual needs and urges are the problem, or if the missing love the actual problem. Because even if you do have sex, this might not be lacking anymore, but the love will still be lacking. If you are thinking that with intimacy the missing love will come back, I think you will be very disappointed, because it wont...

 

and you have still not answered my question: Do you love HIM?

 

I have some little amount of love left for him.I am more left unhappy by him.

My answers will not be left or right, white or black , as I am just trying best to state what I am going thru at present.

 

But you will see it is out of hope , i am driven and an optimist that is also probably I have been used.So may be my those traits and my other feelings crashing together.