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Sorry Long Post , Venting Out

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Ishaan10, Dec 18, 2018.

  1. Ishaan10

    Ishaan10 Bronze IL'ite

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    I have 3 year old n 2 month old kid...I have a ok kind of relationship with my mil...she takes care of my first child bcoz I'm occupied with my newborn...
    My problem is she was cold with my newborn...she won't hold him much , only when need rise like while I was cooking, went to bathroom etc ..even I want to have a coffee or breakfast in morning meaning have to wait till my baby sleeps ...she will simply sit there when newborn cries untill it become a scream...
    My sil lives in us n she has two kid...she will talk n enjoy with their grandchild like hrs in Whatsapp, but she won't my newborn its kind of irks me...
    My husband work time is 7 am to 9 pm with 2 hr lunch break..during the time he was home only I use to take food , take bath like this..
    When I had a fight with my husband that his mother doing like this...he says that I'm kind of egoistic person that I m not asking for any help..
    En paiyan a thooki konjungantu kailaya kodukka mudiyum..after finishing cooking she will give immediately give my son to me like she unwanted burden...
    I don't know who is showing attitude here...me or my mil, bcoz my husband says it's me who is showing attitude...I don't know she doesn't showed any other interest in holding my child, even during my delivery she visited only once in hospital ...we r staying in upstairs , so during initial 2 weeks she came n see my son hardly 4 times only...she is very active person walking 2 to 3 km per day but she can't climb one staircase to see my son...then I went to my mom pace for two weeks...again my husband said u r leaving your elder one n come home soon...as he said I came to hubby place soon...here I m taking care of my new born alone only.. I m starting to hate her...if I'm hungry mean also I have to wait till my baby sleeps even it's 11 am in morning...she won't mind to ask go n have breakfast..I don't want to ask her hold the baby for a while n I will eat as she is making like that it's duty to hold my baby not out of love...
    I have to add she takes care of my first child very nicely, like making him ready to school n giving him food...
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Many women would love to borrow such a MIL and forget to return her back.
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    She is taking care of your older child very nicely.
    What more do you want?
    If you can't manage one,how can you expect her to manage two?
     
  4. Ishaan10

    Ishaan10 Bronze IL'ite

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    How will u go to restroom dear madam taking ur 2 month old along with u or let him scream...if there is no one there to watch mean it's separate issue...n one person watching TV during ur these kind of struggle mean it's not acceptable for me...
     
  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Hire a nanny to help out with the baby. It is physically demanding to take care of 2 little children, more so as one gets older. If your MIL helps out then that is a nice bonus but the parents bear the primary responsibility for childcare.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  6. Ishaan10

    Ishaan10 Bronze IL'ite

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    While she was in daughters home for delivery , she taken care of both of her kids, done the cook , dishes, n laundry , no maid nothing...here we have maid for top work...cooking also either by me or maid...
    By the way from all of your replies I m coming to conclusions u all have a unsupportive mil...that's why u PPL praising mine...
    I don't know when it was became a responsibility to holding a baby that too grandchild for say 30 minutes in a day...
    I just wanted to ask one question for u PPL who are living with their mil, it's expecting too much to hold ur baby when u doing your work like bathing, eating...
     
  7. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Finest Post Winner

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    She takes care of school going kid that too 3 yrs . Handling 3 yr to feed dress up clean up is no joke .
    Your blessed with such MIL. She isn't cold with new born , she is being conscious. If she spends time with new born too, you will post MIL not allowing to spend time with my kids. Sorry to be blunt.
    She is good grandma. My mil didn't lift or held my kid in hospital saying she is scared to lift new born. Till date never fed, or did anything a grandma would love , btw my kid is her only grandchild, what will you do such MIL??
    You may have post partum depression.
    Or even hunger eat well. Without sleep mind doesn't see what it has to see. So try taking power naps, give baby to dad from 10pm12pm .
     
  8. Ishaan10

    Ishaan10 Bronze IL'ite

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    If it's a big responsibility for her to hold my baby for a while mean...then why I have take care to cook the food n serve in plate n hand it over to her while she watching TV...n buying things what's she likes ..why I should take care of her when she becomes sick...go n check on her every hr...these n other things I didn't even do for my mom, I m doing to my mil ...I don't want her to do any help for me, but to hold my son few minutes so that I can do my personal work...
     
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2018
  9. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    My mother often helps out with my brothers children, but they have a full-time nanny as well. Mom is in her sixties and cannot run after or hold a baby for a long time as she is prone to back pain. The nanny does the work and the grandparents play with the child and do light activities like feeding or putting them to nap.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  10. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Finest Post Winner

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    Really understand what you're going thru, physically strained post delivery.
    She isn't your mom.
    If cooking takes out energy, don't cook until your fine.
    Being wife of single male child, no other go
    Hire a maid to take care baby and you for day time. I believe you're in Chennai, you get people easily.
    One of my cousin got a day time nanny for her elder kid just for 5 hrs during summer vacation. Find such ones...
     
    sindmani likes this.

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