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Sorry for overreacting- Ria, Vidkarthik, Malyatha I apologize for being an idiot.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sandhya303, Oct 24, 2008.

  1. sandhya303

    sandhya303 New IL'ite

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    I am sorry about the way I reacted. I know I should have been open to all the comments. I wasnt thinking straight and was very stressed and depressed at the same time.

    I am really sorry Ria (especially you), Malyatha and Vidkartik.

    I analyzed your posts again and again and understood you only meant well and your suggestions and comments were very sensible.

    Lets make a new beginning. I dont want to lose your precious input for my problems.
    I hope you will forgive me.

    Thanks,
    Sandhya
     
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  2. harini01

    harini01 New IL'ite

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    Dear Sandhya,

    Everybody can understand how depressed you were by reading your post.
    Please don't feel that you over reacted. When you going through lot of stress it's very natural that the way you expressed your thoughts. Any way it's good that you understood Ria's comments finally. No doubt she
    is a wonderful lady, please take her suggestions in a positive manner.
    Don't get depressed my dear, you have a wonderful life ahead. Be happy
    always. Take care Sandhya.....

    :) Harini :)
     
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  3. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Hey Sandhya,

    I'm sure none of the ladies you mentioned have any hard feelings towards you, definitely all of them at one time or another would have felt stressed in life, just like you were when you wrote the post. Everyone here on IL is on the same team, right? :cheers

    And like Harini, I'm glad you came to understand what Ria meant... sometimes I agree with her sometimes not, but you know she is like the really good friend that gives advice from the heart and tells it as she sees it! :yes:
     
  4. vidhkarthik

    vidhkarthik Bronze IL'ite

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    Arey.C'mon. Wasnt offended one bit at all....No need to apologise. Just go ahead and enjoy the beautiful jersey city and have fun. Spend a nice weekend with your husband and enjoy yourself without thinking of anything else. You really need to destress. Do whtever makes you happy..listen to music, enjoy a good book, eat good food and have an amazing time this weekend. Monday morning you will be telling us that all your stress has dissapeared.
     
  5. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    Sandya ,

    This is exactly how you handled your personal problem too !! You reacted and got worked up so much for things that are very sensitive in anyone's life .. PARENTS !! All of us have our own .. So what you or your husband feel are the same for each others parents.. Your husband was good enough to have accepted your desires and respected your fears.. You need to appreciate it and return it in a way that would make him feel good too. That is marriage.. Thoughtfulness unasked. Had you tried to spend sometime with your inlaws.. is no harm and a hercules task, Sandya. It isnt easy i understand but then that is how it is !
    When Ria said accept it because they are your hubby's parents and eventually there could be any scene you didnt like.. you got so stressed and freaked on her... For what ? You checked all her other posts and said she speaks of being an ideal DIL.. Cmon.. that is good isnt ? All she would have said was I have good ILs and I could be an ideal one.. That is eactly all of us want too isnt .. Sometims its hard luck so what ? Just because she has good ILs doesnt mean her heart does not go for you, lady !

    I feel I must tell this now.. many ladies here think ONLY people who have faced problems will be able to give solutions !! That is nonsense !! One must understand that the same ladies who had similar problems like yours would have sorted it out with the help of others... that is the whole idea of a public forum .. One cannot " choose " from whom she wants to " recieve " an answer from..

    You will get n number of replies and you must be thankful to each one as they are giving you their time, Sandya.. They are using their mind to read your problem, think about it, and saying what strikes to them.. which means.. they are actually putting themselves in your shoes and suggesting things..
    Even friends and relatives sometimes are so busy to hear to our woes !! Can you imagine each one in this website are " strangers " !!! isnt it amazing ..


    There was another lady who said that she was surprised about your hubby's support to your decision of not staying with you ILs for more than a mnth or whatever.. You got defensive even there.. You said you were surprised about the fact that how... many did not know Husbands listen to their wives !! Sandya, do you think women do not know this.. ? Everyone has their husbands listening to them in some matter or the other.. except if he is deaf ! So when someone tells you somthing analyse what they are saying.. If you do not feel it would work for you.. then leave it and move one instead of slamming door at people who actually sit in some other corner of world and sends you their suggestions and wishes !!!

    Inspite of your hubby beign supportive and hearing to your fear and decision if you " manage " and " entertain " your ILs for somedays it will be such a token of thoughtfulness to him ! He is supporting you and as you said " just understands " you ! Dont you think you must be prepared to return it to him anytime required rather than going nuts over problems that " may or may not " arise !

    But one point I must say, it needs a good mind to accept ones fault.. and apologize.. That was really wonderful of you to apologize.. !!
    This shows.. that you are a sweet girl who is just psyching herself out and wondering what could happen..
    Sandya, Live life today and do not get too paranoid about anythng.. Whatever it is , learn to handle, smart girl !!
     
  6. sandhya303

    sandhya303 New IL'ite

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    Thanks Vidkarthik for accepting my apology and thanks others for replying.
    Preeti, believe me I have felt really really bad about the way I behaved. I totally accept my fault and what you have written is so true. The girls here are taking their time out to reply to us and we have no right to start snapping at them.
    I understand now that this is a public forum, we will agree with some and not agree with other, and like in this case, analyze with a cooler head and then agree with what we initially disagreed with.

    I am really embarassed and sorry once again. I just hope Ria and Malyatha forgive me too.

    SandhyaDrowning
     
  7. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Sandhya


    You dont have to apologise for anything. I hardly took any offence of it. I offered to stay away so that I dont create any discomfort for you. You have a problem at hand, which is making you anxious and worried, so its justified for you to be reactive and defensive. That's basic human nature, nothing odd there.

    And I also dont endorse anyone abusing anyone in relation. Be it ILs abusing their DIL or vice versa. Thats just not done deal. Humane life is precious and it should respected in its being, not abused. I totally know the extent of IL's torture in indian context. Even though I have gem of In-laws, I have had close friends suffering though at hands of In-laws in Indian context. And believe me when I say , deep down I have huge emotional scar of having lost two close friends to greed of dowry. So dont think I am totally biased to In-laws. When I say , try to work out equation till the last resort, its only for long term good of lady in question. Whenever thinking of any long term engagement in life, always take the route which gurantees best legacy and long terms returns than immediate short term gains, because life is not sprint , its marathon.

    People say , one needs to go through pain to understand other's bruises. I feel different people have different levels of sensitivity. Some can even shut thier heart to next door neighbour, ailing relative and even spouse's woes. And others may go out and hold hands of strangers just to share their pain. Thats how different individuals can be.

    From my side, dont worry. I have heard more evil things than this. Its not praise,affection or popularity, which ties me to IL. Its just the fact that If I can listen out and console even one person in pain, I can sleep more peacefully.

    Ria
     
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  8. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Preethi & Ria,
    Hats off to you (now, don't start worrying if I have changed over to western outfit at this age!):biggrin2:.
    You both are very level headed and advise very sane.Life can and will never be what & how we want it to be. Our challenge lies in making the best out of the situation we are "thrown into"!

    In my younger days, before I got married, my parents advised me that I must learn where & how to compromise & how to gain much in life, by that. We have to work hard in every relationship, giving our best. Remaining married invoved lot of sacrifices, heartburn..............it is a long list. But our happiness is worth it & as we grow old, we realise how immature we had behaved at times. I tell myself that I am not an angel to live with and how much of tension, my husband must have gone through (& perhaps still going through), to live with me.
    Give & take in every relationship is a must and worth it because we live in a society & not in an island!
    Love,
    Chithra.
     
  9. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Wow Chitraji, thats a surprise seeing you here !!! Awesome :)

    Hope to see you around more often !!! Getting advice and insight from an experienced person like you will be a boon to many !!
     
  10. Sabitha_K

    Sabitha_K Gold IL'ite

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    I haven't seen the original thread that this one alludes to but was more than overwhelmed with this one.This really shows what a wonderful relationship ILites share among themselves and makes everyone more comfortable to have candid discussions on anything because it is full of matured people who truely understand when someone is in pain and carry no hard feelings at the end of the day:thumbsup.

    -Sabitha
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2008

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