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Sons Mean Friends

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by englishtutorjul, Apr 7, 2022.

  1. englishtutorjul

    englishtutorjul Silver IL'ite

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    I think I am one of the few people who always has something or the other going on with son's friends' situation (See my other posts). Today at the park, two kids from the neighborhood (older by 2 years) started pelting pinecones at my son who tried retaliating as well as saying "Stop". That was mocked by one of those kids, lets call him kid A who said "Sttttooop" in a baby like tone picking on my son. Pelting continued for a while. Then the other kid, say Kid B told my son that my son's parents were disappointed about his birth. To which my son told him something along the lines of 'same to you'.
    Then Kid A started telling B to stop pelting and added that otherwise my son will tell on them to his parents. To this my son responded this : "I have a breaking point. If you cross it I will tell my parents".
    Kid A said "You are pathetic at solving your own problem", to which my son said "what I am doing now? If despite my telling you wont listen what else can I do?"
    Then Kid A said "Even the last time you told on Kid C to your parents about something he just joked about".
    My son said "How is calling someone an ass wipe considered a joke" (this happened in the past when we had to intervene and tell kid C not to use that language on my son).
    To that the boy responded, anything can be said as a joke. Kid B then told my son he has no nuts (referring to his penis), to which my son called him out as someone with a low IQ for speaking such stuff.
    Then kid A and kid B started talking loudly among themselves saying my sons parents were so disappointed about having him etc". My son came home upset, and upon being probed, broke down narrating everything that happened. A friend of his who was also at the park, confirmed the happenings.

    I told my son, that he cannot control what others say. I encouraged him to keep standing up for himself like he did today. But I want to know if there is anything else I must do to handle the situation better. Hurling pine cones, insulting body part remarks etc are very disturbing. Son seems like he is doing ok but I am not. For what it is worth, my son is 10 years. The other kids are 11 and 12. My son does have friends who like him but they are not the kind who will standup for him. Or for anyone for that matter. I am at a loss on what to do.
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Your son is doing fine. No doubt that is a result of parents teaching him to stand up for himself.
    Reading between the lines of this post and couple of older ones, your son might benefit if he is left to handle his mean friends independently with you intervening only in extreme cases. Ass wipe, hurling pinecones, insulting body part remarks are not extreme cases. Generally speaking, if a parent intervenes, it results in later ridicule for that parent's kid. So reserve such intervening for really extreme cases.

    In addition, talk with your son about walking away from such arguments faster. Standing up for himself does not mean extended debate with the other kids.

    "Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not know the difference."
    "Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it."

    Unable to find the origin of the above popular sayings.
     
  3. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Your son has handled the situation very well all by himself. You need to appreciate him for that. Also as a parent I feel there are not much things you could do about it. The other kids are nearing teenage and they would have heard it from someone who are elder to them. If the boys were small, you could have gone and talk to their parents. These kind of things children do hear and this is part of growing up life. You can teach your kid not to take in those words. If possible, try to change the timings so that your kid doesn't have to interact with those kids.
     
  4. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    @englishtutorjul really pathetic and hopeless people. Please don’t make the mistake of referring to these kids your son’s friends. They are basically bullies. God knows what kind of environment they are exposed to at home.
    At ten your son is old enough that you can explain about there being different kind of people in the world. And how to keep some at a distance and minimize interaction, walk away in a dignified way from some while being open, friendly with the others. Are they all in the same school? I would really think about changing his school to a better one if that’s an option.
    Your son did a good job sticking up for himself but he let the arguing go on for too long in my opinion. One or two sharp rejoinders and a dignified retreat is best. No point getting emotional over trying to best bullies. No point wasting even a moment’s thought on bullies even
     
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  5. deepthyanoop

    deepthyanoop Gold IL'ite

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    The language the kids used to talk to your son is disturbing. Are they his schoolmates ? Do these bullying happen at school ? Your son handled it well, appreciate him for that. My opinion is don’t take this lightly. Yes, they are kids, but bullying is bullying which can be severely traumatic for those who are subjected to it. If they are his school mates, make a written complaint to the principal . Do you know their parents? Let them know it too.Also I agree with Sandhya above, don’t call them friends, they are bullies nothing more.
     
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