Sons giving money to their parents

Kliniha,

Franakly speaking, I donot see any issue if Sons are giving money to their parents. Parents have done lot of things and if their son is giving money ..what is the issue?
I don't know if you have any issue with your I-Ls but despite of those issue..Parents also have same rights as wives on a husband. But Yes..if you don't want to give your salary to his parents that's o up to you and no one should force.

In my matter..We are giving money to my ILs as required (like for SIL marriage, property) and I never asked my husband how much he gave ( But He already share everything with me)

 

Surely you can see the cash flow from the bank accounts. That should give you a ball park figure. Do you need to know to the cents and how much his brother gave? A spouse should be a friend and a partner not an "auditor".

 

When there is no transparency with your accounts, why do u expect transparency here? Since you do not know his account and did not care to share yours, you have set the tone for independent finances. why this selective disclosure as far as PILs are concerned? Doesn't that sound discriminatory?

 

Now, not only you want to know what your husband gave, you want to know what your BIL gave too? And, almost every week you want to bring up this topic when it is very clear that he is uncomortable sharing this with you? What are you trying to achieve here?

For a moment, just think of this possibility what if you do not know what he gives his parents. Anyway, you do not mind him sending the money, right? Isn't ignorance bliss? And be true to yourself, will you stop if he tells you the amount he's sending? Will you not want him to subtatantiate by showing bank statements? And even if he gives the statements, won't you have the nagging feeling that he might have sent some cash through somebody?

And when your friends say give him some time, give him some solid time, the last time you brought this issue was a couple of weeks ago, that's not giving time.

Does he contribute to the family expenditure? Is it as if he sends ALL the money to them? If you have that kind of an issue, get a house, do some investments which would lock some money here.

If it would be of any help, I am married for 11 years, this is my 12th year. we are 99.999% compatible and this is just one thing we do not see eye to eye. It has taken 11 years for him to be comfortable saying how much he sent his parents. And even this time, it was not as if he sat down and told me or got my permission. It was a passing information, did it irk me , well sort of. But that does not affect our relationship..

Don't let this affect your relationship and intimacy. Look at the bigger picture, be happy!

 

Based on what you've written, I am wondering...

Is it only okay for SONS to give money to parents? Or do you think it is also okay for daughters to do the same? If the OP wanted to send money to HER parents, would that be okay? Or is only husband allowed to send? Can she also send money for her own sister's wedding (presuming she has a sister), or is it only okay for SIL?

You also say that parents have as much right to their son as his wife. Do you also reciprocally feel that a girl's parents have as much right to their daughter as her husband has?

I am also curious, if both sides are sending money to their parents, then what happens if there is a shortage and insufficient money to manage the couple's household expenses, childcare? Who caves in and sends less back to parents? How is this issue sorted out? (I am genuinely asking as this issue of sending money was a problem in my own marriage.)

 

Klniha,
If it's so important for you to know how much your DH is sending to his parents. I would suggest don't talk about it for a while, say a week-10 days. Behave normally, pledge to yourself that you are not going to mention anything about it. Be a happy loving wife. After 1-2 weeks, start opening up about your own finances, how much money you have and what you are doing with it. Chances are in due time, he might also start confiding in you.

 

This is an issue in my family too. He would not tell me that he sent money or how much he sent. But, our case is a lot different from others, because, my Dh is considered the "black sheep" of the family for all his rights, but, he is still expected to do his duties to the family! So, he ended up not getting even Rs. 1 from the family property or MIL, but, he regularly sends money to MIL and she saves it up for her daughter's kids (2 girls)!
I come to know of these from the account details, and until about a year ago I used to raise a lot of noise on this (we are married for 10 years, btw). It was not because he sent money, but, because he did not mention it to me. However, our marital life was suffering very badly even though we were almost compatible with each other in all other aspects. But, soon I realized that it cannot go on like this forever and I cannot waste my life over this one thing. Its also not that he makes me suffer by sending everything there. So, for the past few months, I have not fought though I come to know of the transactions from emails and statements. I know of it, but, do not fight or confront or get melodramatic over it. And slowly, he has started to open up (not completely about money, though).
And, am sure that is what I want in life; trust, happiness and love, and not "line-by-line" info about somebody's money transactions.

 

Yes ..if Son/Daughter wants to be give money to parents no one should object. I believe no one will give money to parents (or to any one) if they are in real short of money or by borrowing ( they can not do what you mentioned) also no parents will take even. Again this is my personal opinion - Parents who sacrifice their past ( their golden time) for kids have full rights to make their present ( their old days ). Also, again it's OP's choice if she or her husband wants to send their money to parents if they can ...no one other than person who is earning should object ( if they are able to spent their life nicely).

No offence means.if you want to make your future or present and your parents are still sacrificing they no parent should sacrifice their life for kids because at the end of day they have to still on same situation what they were ..irrespective of what they make their son or daughter .

Another thing - Here OP has issue that her DH doesn't shareany thing about finance and same is the case of her as well..She is also not sharing any thing..They how she cane expect her husband to share. It's totally on your understanding/comaptibility with spouse not just at one side

I hope I am able to put my opinion on your geniun question..again this is my personal opinion what I think about my ILs and parents (expecting same from my Brothers and SILs for my parents and YES they are also doing this (though my dad never take money from them as he still earn )
PS- I know some of the wives may not like my comments as it seems to be in favor of ILs. But our ILs also deserve the same life style what we have or we (DILs) think for our parents