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Son-in-law's Duty For His In-laws

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Parry22, Oct 10, 2021.

  1. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    What herd mentality did I follow? As I already said, I have the same view for both genders.. and I do not advocate this.

    I'm simply pointing out the injustice that happens in reality .
     
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  2. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    Who is he to tell?.. just asking... who the fish is he to tell.

    You cant change him... this guy sees himself to be in control. You need to either live with the insults ( please dont) or stop taking the insults.
    He is doing it because you are letting it float on his boat.. capsize it once, he will know his place.

    There is only one duty for a person towards another ( genuine)person, be kind. Your husband is miserablly failing at it... give him a rotten cookie to celebrate.
     
  3. Sreevidyaa

    Sreevidyaa Silver IL'ite

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    Exactly same as a daughter in law’s duties towards her in laws. No change at all. If he expects respect and duties towards his parents from his wife, he should do the same towards her parents as well. End of story.
     
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  4. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    Isn't being educated/independent a good thing?
    If you were not independent, he would have said, see you are always dependent on me. You don't have any shame.
    See how other wives are independent.
    It's just narcissistic behavior
     
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  5. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    Everyone knows what is happening in the society you don’t have to highlight to by making grand statements like this “There is no basic rule for duty, buthe can show minimum courtesy”
     
  6. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Parry22,

    Both daughters and sons have the same responsibilities towards their parents. Based on this, even sons-in-laws and daughters-in-law have same responsibilities towards the parents of their spouses. Especially, if a daughter or son is a single side, this responsibilities should be carried out without fail.

    My wife is a single child and my father told me at the time of wedding that I have responsibilities towards both parents and parents-in-law. My dad's directive was embedded in my system right from the start of my married life. I paid the same level of attention to my parents-in-law as to my parents. When my father-in-law was terminally ill, I sent my wife to look after him. When he passed away, my wife called me and I rushed quickly to perform all his rites for 13 days. Up to now, I perform his annual ceremonies myself. I requested my mother-in-law to migrate to the US as she could not live alone in India. She is living with us for the past 8 years.

    I am not the only one who did that and I know at least one other family who did exactly the same in our IL family. It is the right thing to do. How can a man be indifferent to the needs of his wife's parents? How is it a responsible behavior? You are not asking a favor and it is his responsibility to do so.
     
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  7. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    OP I have been very clear (right from 1st day of our meeting)with what son in law should do for his in laws. Initial days of marriage my husband asked me why I'm not calling his mom n sisters? I asked him a basic question till now how many times he called my sister n mother. Forget calling did he ever ask me how they are doing? That topic was over. I wasn't asked to call my in laws again.
    Then every time he made elaborate plans of vacation with his sisters n parents. 1 year went by in entertaining his family There was no question by him if we should invite my sibling n parents home. But I never gave up. I kept insisting n kept telling him every vacation we do with his family one has to be planned with my family . Yes I blackmailed him saying I won't come anywhere if the next vacation isn't planned with my family.it took solid 2-3 years for him to get comfortable with my family. Consistent efforts without giving up is required..
    Been many years now. .He did/continues to do the following.
    1) helps me by taking insurance for them in his office
    2) Agreed to keep them close to me. In fact his idea was to keep them n his parents all in same house with us. I said it won't be comfortable to do that. So my parents are close to me.
    3) financially helped them when it was needed..
    4) helped them shift house.
    5) plans trips with my family.
    6) agrees to go to my mom's house n eat there when I'm not around.
    7) trusts my mom when she looks after my baby. (I will honestly confess that I never trust his mom when it comes to my baby)
    8) also cribs about doing all this which I will never accept. : )


    OP these are the few things among many I have mentioned. None of the things mentioned are approved by my in laws and they have their own way of showing their displeasure for the same and are unhappy about his duty towards his in laws. In fact they feel I have manipulated him to do all this for my parents. I have not done anything extra .These are basic things which one should do for each other in a relationship.

    Your husband is in the same boat as my husband was first 2 3 years of marriage. It's never too late to start telling him that his behavior is totally totally unacceptable. Fights/arguments will happen. But don't give up. Stop doing anything for him if he's not showing basic respect for your parents/brother. Don't give up. You need to make him understand (in a way that'll work out for you both) that you will do your duty as a DIL only (IF AND ONLY IF) he performs his duty as a SIL. The least a man can do is be with you/support you at the hard times of a parent's funeral. Do not put your foot down. Be firm, be assertive and don't let your husband do he did all these years. It's not acceptable.
     
  8. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    Why not? Indian men think it's okay to not respect wife n her family. It's okay to satisfy only his parents n not care for wife n her love towards her family. Never support such shallow attitude of husbands. Insist them, make them understand that it's totally unacceptable and they'll do the same to his family. Never allow such behavior to grow. Stopping them then n there and questioning them is required.
    Never keep love, respect, understanding etc in a relationship as one way steet. Let it be two way. If men expect we should love n respect their family let them set example by loving our family.
     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Your husband thinks you do not spend nice time with your in-laws and that you spend too much time in your room. In his words - his parents are everything to him. He can never even think of staying away from them, not even for a day. When you hint directly and indirectly at the idea of living separately, he gets aggressive.

    You are forced to live with your in-laws. For valid reasons such as to retain your sanity, you are minimizing your interactions with them. Your husband does not like that you treat his parents thus. Therefore, he is behaving badly with your parents. It is tit-for-tat.

    A man who does not visit and phone his in-laws on occasions like funeral and cancer diagnosis. Who lays down conditions to visit them on such occasions. There is no way to have a rational discussion on this topic with such a man. If you want to stay in the marriage, drop this battle. Engaging in it will only hurt you more. That does not mean you forgive him or accept his behavior, it simply means that you protect yourself from more pain in this matter.

    Been married less than five years. No kids. And this is the situation: How To Deal With Lame And Uninterested Husband

    Run.
     
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  10. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    I differ from you on this while I agree with everything else you said in your referred post. It is not correct to generalize problems specific to a family.
     
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