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Son-in-law's Duty For His In-laws

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Parry22, Oct 10, 2021.

  1. Parry22

    Parry22 Silver IL'ite

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    We have all heard about what all a bahu must do for her in-laws, but what about the other way round?

    Can you share what all are a son-in-law's duties towards his in-laws? I know there's nothing called as 'ideal', but just if you could just generalise and share few examples.

    In today's world, where many children are single children, and if they are daughters - i have seen multiple cases of the daughter's mother/parents living with the married daughter. It takes a big heart for a man to have his in-laws live with him. This happens especially is the parent is a widower/widow. I find that extremely responsible and mature behaviour. But this is an extreme - not all men would do this. What are the smaller things that man does, or should do?
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2021
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  2. Parry22

    Parry22 Silver IL'ite

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    I just want to understand practical examples - and if i am expecting too much from my husband
    All i am expecting him is to maintain a social relationship with him - he doesn't have to be best buddies with them. But right now he is acting like he is not even related to him, and that talking to them is a punishment and obligation.

    I feel sad, when he didn't even visit my parental home when my father passed away. He visited it (only on the condition that his parents also come - he will not visit alone) after 7 months. Did not visit them at 1 year death-anniversary pooja.

    Did not visit or talk to them when my mother was detected with cancer within 1 year of dad's passing. Only visited her like 6 months down the line (again only on the condition that his parents also come - he will not visit alone).

    Does not go to my nephews birthday parties (they are 2 and 5 years old) - Again same condition - says he will only on the condition that his parents also come - he will not visit alone. All this while living only about 10 km away. Does not call them, or pick up when they call.

    I feel like i am asking him to do a crime by maintaining a relationship with my parents/brother.

    He does all this while constantly cribbing how i don't 'talk' to my in-laws, even when we are all living together!!!!!! So it is not even a tit-for-tat kind of a situation.
     
  3. Desiindian

    Desiindian Gold IL'ite

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    @Parry22,

    For some reason, whether acceptable or not your husband does not want to maintain any relationship with your side family. When he had clearly shown this on many occasions better don't force him in future. Taking part in a funeral, helping or visiting an ailing relative to provide comfort must come without compulsion. When someone doesn't want to do even that, something is burning inside them. Address that issue first.
     
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  4. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    What the •%}%~} she is living with her IL’s and that guy does not even want to have the basic courtesy to have a relationship with his IL’s ?
     
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  5. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    There is no basic rule for duty, but he can show minimum courtesy , especially at a sensitive time such as funeral. His behaviour is rather shocking...
    Have there been any issues between your parents and husband in the past? Any issues between your parents and his parents. Communicate with him and find out what is the issue. It's extremely odd.
     
  6. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    You expect the girl to live with her IL and do everything to make her H and his parents happy but the guy does not have any basic rule ???
     
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  7. Parry22

    Parry22 Silver IL'ite

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    Sad but this is the reality that many face, i am sure. Everything is expected out of a daughter in law, but nothing from a son-in-law except to demand pampering from his in-laws while he treats their daughter like $hit.

    He criticizes my side's family on any damn thing - right from which language we speak (we speak a mix of hindi and mother tongue - he doesn't like that , he wants us to speak only in mother tongue), the fact that my family is "too educated", my family has made me "too cosmopolitan" and "too independent"
     
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  8. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    Maybe should have elaborated, but I meant it for both genders.

    It's the own children(son and daughter who have the duty, and their spouses should support them wholeheartedly. If not, then they need to analyse what's wrong with their marriage.

    And while all this sounds fair in theory, there is another side. Yeah your interpretation is actually the reality of Indian society. I do not advocate it though, but it's the reality .
     
  9. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    Nothing will change if you follow something like a herd mentality (the tendency of the people in a group to think and behave in ways that conform with others in the group rather than as individuals) if you don't confront or question nothing will change in the male chauvinistic socity.
     
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  10. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    It can be addressed only if Her husband openly talks the problem..
     

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