Something Positive And A Few More Worries..

OP,

Time is the healer, don't pay too much attention to MIL. You are just beginning your life and once you start working, these issues will fade away.

Driving license - make another attempt, I am sure you will pass.

Think about those glorious days of working and driving by yourself. It will happen, believe in yourself. Every NRI women went through the same phase of fear and excitement.

The problems, you described about the trip to India are nothing new. Most NRI families have similar issues during their trip, will eventually get back to normal life after each trip. It is like the 'new moon' phase followed by the 'full moon'.

 

OP,

Read good motivational/spiritual books from local library. Do exercise regularly and keep yourself socially active with friends. My advise, don't expect much from other, then there will be less disappointment from others. Keep the mentality of giving it away, let it be love, money or your service.

Some are with narrow mind set, we cannot change others. Only thing we can do, giving them less importance in our life. Brushed it off the bitter feelings, and "do unto others". Try not to spill words and silence is the best. If someone is hurting you repeatedly, maintain a distance from them.

 

Dear Sensitivegal,

You are thinking about too many things at a time. MIL, friends, father, brother, driving test etc.

Take everything step by step.

1. MIL - she is in India, at least be happy that she is not living with you.

2. Father & Brother - There are few men like your dad & brother, don't bother about them. Keep your interaction minimal with them. It's good for you to ignore them, if they are not respecting you. You should feel happy for your mother being supportive to you. Also feel happy for the positives changes in your DH.

3. Friends - Ignore their comments, continue with them if you like their company. If not, just keep the distance. They cannot decide about your life and your happiness. Don't give too much of importance to them, which can spoil your mood.

4. As for Driving test, its quite common failing the practical test at first time. Try again and you will definitely pass.

Overall, see the positive side of your life, count on your blessings - good changes in your DH & wonderful mother and be happy.

 

@sensitivegal- I am glad you are happy with your DH.
For right now. Don't worry about your MIL, your father/ brother or your friends. I think its inner self which is projecting you to concentrate on them.
* Skype with your parents and tell them how happy you are. Maybe that's what your father/ brother are seeking....?? Confidence in your relationship... maybe? Don't share anything negative with your father/ brother.. share it with your mother. To your father paint a beautiful pic of your married life.. make common things feel special.
*Focus on yourself. Start to drive in and your neighborhood more, cook excellent food, keep the house spick and span, exercise, go out with your friends ( even if they feel J) going out with them for a cup of coffee or walk around the block will lift your spirits up.
*Don't complain about MIL to your DH. There will come a time in every woman's life that DH will start to stand up for their wife. You just have to build that platform for your DH to stand up.
*Build the platform by taking good care of yourself. Be independent, have your own opinions, learn new things.
* The other thing is -it is Fall and its soon going to be winter. Most South Asian have Vitamin D3 deficiency which can affect our mood significantly. Vitamin D3 is nothing but less exposure to the sun. Taking Vitamin D3 supplements has helped me and my DH a lot in improving our moods during Fall and Winter months. (If you are not comfortable taking supplements, please talk to your PCP about feeling negative.. Because they will suggest you other things)
Personal experience- I am a recent mother- I am usually not a moody person, but last year I gave birth with all hormones in my body I became very moody. I could see the difference in myself after taking Vitamin D3.
* I highly suggest you to also get florescent lights in your home. These are small changes but will have a great impact on us.
Goodluck

 

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Thanks for liking my name.

 

HI @sensitivegal,

Hey buck up girl, you have got plenty of things to be cheerful about.

Now, whenever you go to India make sure you have plans. If anyone tries to encroach on your plans, be strong to stick to your plans or be the part of the party happily.

I view my India trip as me and my husband going to our maikas.
See if you can try to spend sometime at your parent's home and at your inlaws with husband equally. Try not quarrel or show disagreement with your husband in front of your MIL. Rest of your MIL's behaviour is typical MIL so ignore it, since it is intended to make you feel miserable.
Try to focus that India time is your vacation and fun time and you shall not allow anyone to spoil that time.

To answer your first question- My approach was to keep communication as minimum as possible and let actions speak more than words.
MIL was not a kind of person who could try to understand my perspective or ask my reasons to do it. I took to my heart initially, but later on learnt to ignore.

I did not expect that my husband will take my side. I observed that he preferred not to take my side in one of the incident that happened right in front of him. That's okay.
I did not blame him for that either. Stand up for yourself.

About kids, pressure is ON since the day we get married. Ask politiely if the one asking you for the kids is going to come to help you for delivery and all. Everyone wants the result and no responsibility.

Give all the time so that proper things fall in proper place. See, you are in US and actually thousands of miles away from all the pressure of making kids.
Getting pregnant is easier, but it takes efforts and time to sustain and make that life actually grow in our body. What I want to say is, getting pregnant should not be the goal but a healthy mind and body of mother should be, because a healthy mind and body helps to conceive and sustain the life within us.

So try to enjoy your time in US, be independent and make yourself happy. All the best!!!