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Smoking cessation- How to help husband quit smoking?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by soudiya, Dec 28, 2007.

  1. soudiya

    soudiya New IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    I have been married for quite sometime its a love marriage i knew my husband for seven year before getting married to him. He is a very nice man he loves me alot. There is one thing which I hate about him that he is a chain smoker. From so many years he keeps promising that he would quite.However he fails in his attempts.

    I tried everthing ...........got him nicotine gum ...........threaten to file a divorce on the clause of serious smoking. almost everything .

    I am frustrated with his excuses and his habit he smokes after every meal. I am suffering here. My family doesnt know about this and when I complain to his mother . Finally we end up fighting Now he uses different trick he says that if i dont smoke need to drink. either of the case. I am in a fix can't deal with this man

    Pease advise
     
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  2. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: overtly frustrated !!!!!!!!!!! need serious dose of help

    dear friend,
    scare him.tell him that u have been to doc for check up & doc suspects u may have lung cancer( god forbid) because of all the smoke u have inhaled due to his constant smoking.
     
  3. SoaringSpirit

    SoaringSpirit Silver IL'ite

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    Re: overtly frustrated !!!!!!!!!!! need serious dose of help

    Did you know this habit of your husband before you got married? You said that you knew each other for seven years before getting married. So did you guys have a conversation about it prior to being married?

    I think you need to find his real “reason” for smoking. Sometimes we just “assume” that people do it because they like it, or because they are not strong enough to leave a bad habit or because they don’t care enough. Assumptions mar our judgment and hence the efforts we make to resolve our problems are not effective.

    I think the key here is in finding his reasons for continuing smoking. You have to understand where this habit is rooted.

    When he is in a good mood sit down with him and genuinely ask him what he thinks about this habit of his. Does he really feel like he wants to get rid of it? What makes him smoke? Get him talking. Let him say what his reasons are. Only if you know the real problem can you help him. Merely asking him to quit smoking or threatening him with dire consequences is not going to work.

    Smoking poses serious health risks and he is better off quitting it. But don’t force the issue without understanding his reasons for not being able to quit even after promising that he will.

    Lack of discipline and weak will power could very well be his reason. But it is also possible that there may be some other reason like may be he thinks it is not that bad to smoke, or he has friends who do it, or he enjoys the “feeling” he gets when he smokes.

    I think if you try to dig into the real reason behind him not being able to quit then you have much better chances of succeeding.

    Good luck.

    SS

     
  4. Akaash

    Akaash New IL'ite

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    Re: overtly frustrated !!!!!!!!!!! need serious dose of help

    Hey hi.. .its not bcoz of lack of discipline. That is never the reason. Some of smoking or boozing doesnt mean that he is a bad person too. Many people judge in this way...like.. if someone smokes.. they think he is very bad. U know ur husband.. u love him.. so this is one example to tell everyone in the world that a smoking person would never be bad. Fine.. now with your issue. Accordingly at this stage when u call he is a chain smoker , then its wrong. U say he smokes after every meal. A chain smoker would smoke every 5-10 mins or atleast for every 15-20mins...So as such he ends up smoking 20-30 ciggerettes a day. Fine these are the statistics about smokers which we r not interested at this moment, but what I mean to say is atleast ur husband is not a chain smoker may be he used to smoke in that fashion earlier (but i am for sure , he is not smoking so many now).
    Now, according to the previous post , yes ofcourse, there might be a reason for him to start smoking, but then again we need a reason for him to quit smoking. Quitting smoking is not as easy people think it is. The brain cells have been habituated to that nicotine and what happens when u the person doesnt smoke, when there is a urge is , the CELLS freak out. Now to be frank enough, ur husband might have thought to himself 1000 times to quit smoking , but he couldnt. Everytime he thinks to quit he would think , i would gradually reduce & will quit or he will think these 3 days i will smoke & from then on I wont.. but those 3days never end up. so, u can do about this ??????????

    1st dont argue with him. ( we need to make him feel ease, bcoz he himself is frustated sometimes for smoking)All a smoking person needs is a good support from a person whom he loves to quit smoking. Seriously thats what is needed.

    2nd make him feel comfortable and ofcourse, as suggested by the previous post, sit with him & talk nicely. What he thinks about this habit, & how he thinks should be dealt with this one.

    3rd. U can take him to doctor too. There are centers to help quit smoking. Going in for those sessions would definetly help him quit smoking ( but it comes with a cost).

    4th make him understand that smoking causes, just not only problems to him ( but even to u) passive smoking is more injurous to health . Make him understand this. Tell him this might even effect ur pregnancy.( if u r not yet pregnant or just about to be pregnant)

    5th a simple promise wont work. What exactly happens or as doctors suggest. Smoking shouldn't be stopped immediately. We need to reduce it gradually & finally stop, thats how the cells will be able to adjust. But many of the people have stopped smoking abruptly. WHY?????????? there have been something terrible which might have happened..
    Some of the reasons being.. someone who is loved was not well. or someone close passed away or sudden tragedy or sudden happiness.

    Never ever treat him to give divorce. These arguments will just lead to no where. U will be ruining each others life. My sincere suggestion pls dont do like that .. I mean stop arguing much about that & lets start doing something about that.

    I want you to try this out
    ------------------------------------
    Be nice to him for few days, then slowly have a chat with him about this issue and you take over him. Like change the cards & tell him that ok bcoz he too wants to quit it..u want to help him out. Now tell him that u r going to give him ciggs from ur hands & take away all the stock(ofcourse, there is a possibility that he will buy it outside--but chances are less if u r really nice with him). Tell him u r going to reduce the number slowly.
    say if he smokes5-6 ciggs per day .. so for 2-3 days start giving him each cigg from ur hands. after 2 days reduce one cigg. from the quota. Now continue with this for 2days
    Then again .. make it sure he has only 3 ciggs daily & then again make it to only 2 . Now he would smoke one in the morning & one in the night. Generally, to be frank enough if he has a habit of smoking before getting into the bathroom in the morning , then slowly u need to tell him. Tell him that this habit of no use. Its just his feeling thats all. So, ask him to try to smoke a cigg after coming out of the bathroom & slowly.. he will stop even that after few days, Just suggest him to do like this. Suggest him to try it out like that . TRY THIS OUT IN HOLIDAYS. LIKE SUTURDAY OR SUNDAYS. bcoz, in other days he might not be able to give up that habit.. finally. make the ciggs 0 before making it zero u need to give him some time.. a bit more time.. like.. when he is smoking just 2 ciggs per day .. i want u to continue this for a longer period may be a week atleast. & finally stop. Hope this works or else, there is still there .....read on ....

    A simple promise never will be taken into account. A promise on mother or father would definetly work .
    Or give put a deal. ( this too works well) What i suggest as another way is .. if u could make him stop smoking for 3-5-or 7 days.. then he might not continue from there on .
    What u need to do is.. talk with him tell him u r going to help him out. & tell him that .. if he also wants to quit , then ask him to give it up for 3 days or 7 days. & tell him.. if he does that .,. u say hmmm like what ever he likes.. u give him.. i mean.. if he likes biryani & sweets then make him biryani & sweets daily or if he likes to go out with u daily then go out with him or if he likes something ... do it in that way ... or if he wants u to change in some situation .. do it... Now once he says fine.. lets really give it a try .. tell him.. if he can stop for 7 days.. & slowly try to say 10days :p if he says no then come back to 7 days only & tell him.. if he can stop for 7 days thats more than enough.. & then he can smoke again from 8th day onwards....So, he might just give it a try ....from monday or something like that...Go to the temple with him early in the morning( that should be on the day when he legally announced that he would stop smoking for 7 days from that day onwards) in pretext of some pooja & make him promise that he is not going to smoke for 7 days..if he stops for this time.. then u know each day .. u can make him feel & understand.. see, how better it is without smoking. Or how better it feels like to quit smoking. He will for sure will quit after 7days.

    Oh it has really been long post now. Hope these things work out .. i want u to give them a try .. if still doesnt work .. I will try to tell u other ways... Happy New Year & good luck...... I am new to this forums.. Just got into this few days back.. byeee

    Regards,
    Akaash
     
  5. soccermom

    soccermom New IL'ite

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    Re: overtly frustrated !!!!!!!!!!! need serious dose of help

    Hi,
    My husband is a smoker too, but I guess I've just about given up nagging him coz it spoils everyones mood without positive result.
    I do have a few suggestions as to what you CAN do...
    1. Take smoking outside - REFUSE to let him smoke in the house/car - say you're allergic or the its bad for the kids (you you've got kids) or whatever (fake a coughing fit it you have to but DO IT!). It will help you avoid passive smoking ( ATLEAST SAVE THER KIDS & YOURSELF) and your house wont smell horrid and he'll have to make an effort to smoke so he'll automatically start reducing his intake or atleast he'll get a bit of exercise doing it - plus in the winter you can bet he will smoke less- mine does :queen

    2. Stop nagging - it irritates everyone including you. Threats wont work either - divorce and separation are too drastic if this is his main drawback.
    3. Have a serious talk with him about your concerns. ( this might not help but you've gotta tryy)
    4. Fix a doctors apptmt or check-up regularly so that the first sign of problems you will be alert - this makes them realise how concerned you are and how selfish they are being by NOT quitting.
    5. Scare him - ask about whether he life insurance - esp given the statistics of smokers and what information you need in case there's an emergency and keep a copy of these documents with you - I know its cold hearted, but he'll realsie he's puffing away precious years & it might shock him into quitting - never know but you can trry:idea

    Mine is still puffing away, but has reduced - he's not chain-smoking thank god! But i wish he'd just stop...I luv him a lot and hope he will be ok - lets all pray fot it !:queen
     
  6. soccermom

    soccermom New IL'ite

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    Re: overtly frustrated !!!!!!!!!!! need serious dose of help

    Hi,
    My husband is a smoker too, but I guess I've just about given up nagging him coz it spoils everyones mood without positive result.
    I do have a few suggestions as to what you CAN do...
    1. Take smoking outside - REFUSE to let him smoke in the house/car - say you're allergic or the its bad for the kids (you you've got kids) or whatever (fake a coughing fit it you have to but DO IT!). It will help you avoid passive smoking ( ATLEAST SAVE THER KIDS & YOURSELF) and your house wont smell horrid and he'll have to make an effort to smoke so he'll automatically start reducing his intake or atleast he'll get a bit of exercise doing it - plus in the winter you can bet he will smoke less- mine does :queen

    2. Stop nagging - it irritates everyone including you. Threats wont work either - divorce and separation are too drastic if this is his main drawback.
    3. Have a serious talk with him about your concerns. ( this might not help but you've gotta tryy)
    4. Fix a doctors apptmt or check-up regularly so that the first sign of problems you will be alert - this makes them realise how concerned you are and how selfish they are being by NOT quitting.
    5. Scare him - ask about whether he life insurance - esp given the statistics of smokers and what information you need in case there's an emergency and keep a copy of these documents with you - I know its cold hearted, but he'll realsie he's puffing away precious years & it might shock him into quitting - never know but you can trry:idea

    Mine is still puffing away, but has reduced - he's not chain-smoking thank god! But i wish he'd just stop...I luv him a lot and hope he will be ok - lets all pray fot it !:queen
     
  7. Navpreet

    Navpreet Senior IL'ite

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    Re: overtly frustrated !!!!!!!!!!! need serious dose of help

    Hi there,
    It seems you are really fed from your husband's habit.Let me tell you one funny thing about SRK(Shahrukh Khan),he also has a love marriage and his wife has applied every method on him to quit his habit of smoking but all in vein.
    So,forget that any threating will reduce or quit his habit,even it can lead to opposite means may be he start more smoking due to stress.And,don't regret that you have love marriage and you had made mistake.You need to tackle him with patience as it is a addiction like other drugs but unlike others it harm others health also.Find out reason behind smoking:

    Is it teenager addiction as most boys got addicted to drinking/smoking?
    Does he had any stress background like death of nearby in teen or child age?
    Or last but not least,over supply of money or in short brat teenage?
    Secondly,you can't quit anybody's bad habit till that peron himself want.And,in case of drinking and smoking greater courage and patience is needed by addictor to get rid of it.

    Do you have child?If yes then he/she can become your weapon against his addiction means you can inform him not to harm baby.Secondly,tell him to smoke out of house/on terrace/bathroom or anywhere where child or you remain away from smoke.

    Consult a pschologist.If your husband get ready to meet a psychologist it means he is willing to get rid of this problem and your problem will be half solved as psychologist do help a lot than any other de-addiction doctors.They deals with basic behaviour behind problem.If he don't agree talk to a psych yourself and find solution with him,like doc can visit you as a friend if your hubby don't want to visit him.I am having e-mail of a psychatarist.She is Dr.Simmi Waraich,a very good doctor and columnist,she had recently published an article on quitting smoking and ways out of it.Mail her :waraichdr68@yahoo.co.in.She has regular column in Hindustan Times.
     
  8. vivbass

    vivbass Gold IL'ite

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    Re: overtly frustrated !!!!!!!!!!! need serious dose of help

    :ideahey shall i suggest u this. don't allow him to kiss or to do love making:queen,tell him that the cigar smell feel u like vomiting or u just act or tell him becoz of that smell u r not able to concentrate in love making just like that,if a women thinks abt something defl'y she'll win,what do u say??? also one more thing if u have kids,if ur hubby smoke infront of them, without knowing ur kids, tell a lie to ur hubby that ur kids r imitating like him, they r also keeping pencil in their mouth like smoking cigar.(if suppose ur hubby ask ur kids means sorry,i can't help it :-( )
    iam sorry yaar, if i hurt u by my words....all the best dear.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2008
  9. diana

    diana Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: overtly frustrated !!!!!!!!!!! need serious dose of help

    Hi,

    I have a picture on smoking and you can show it to him......

    All the best

    Diana



    Picture is a roof drawing of an IT office in Mumbai
     

    Attached Files:

  10. healthonmove

    healthonmove Gold IL'ite

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    It’s a big mind game; All smokers know there are helpful methods to stop smoking. Make sure you don't ignore the strong physical addictions, as they are very real. Though there are many tips and techniques for quitting smoking, but not all of them work for everyone. So you need to do your own research so that you can find out how many quit smoking techniques there are. Contact your doctor to help you find your “Quitting method”.

    By the way tell your husband.. Each cigarette contains about 7000 chemicals, many of which are poisonous and about 70 cause cancer. Every time you inhale smoke from a cigarette, small amounts of these chemicals get into the blood through lungs.
     

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