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Smiles

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by malligashivaram, Feb 19, 2010.

  1. malligashivaram

    malligashivaram Gold IL'ite

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    [B]Some smiles {Old jokes}
    On my first evening back from overseas, my girl-friend’s understanding parents left us alone in the living room, naturally we didn’t talk all the time and in the midst of a kiss, I noticed her little sister in her nightgown watching us from the doorway, “If you will be a good girl and go to bed I will give you a quarter,”
    Without taking the bribe or saying anything she ran off, but soon was back again.
    “Here is half a dollar;” she said “let me watch.”

    A young lady which a touch of hay fever took with her two hand kerchiefs to a dinner party one of which she stuck in her bosom.
    At dinner she began rummaging to right and left in her bosom for a fresh handkerchief engrossed in her search, she suddenly realized that the conversation had ceased and people were watching her fascinated.
    In confusion she murmured, “I know, I had two when I came”
    A Note from Mom
    Daughter of the universe
    Child of the atom age
    Goddess of Aquarius
    Dancer on all the stage
    My daffodils and rose
    Chaser of dreams
    Computer wizard gymnast, jumper, acrobat, jumper
    Gazer on the moon
    Lover of boys would you please mind before
    I have to scream
    “Would you please mind so terribly?
    “To please clean you room”

    An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on.
    By mistake he was connected to the lord’s cricket stadium
    “How is it going? He asked
    Fine cane the answer “W e have three out and hope to have the rest out before lunch…….The last one was a Duck.”

    A few days ago I overheard my grandson doing his math’s homework
    “Three plus one, the son of the bitch is four,” he was saying
    “Three plus two the son of bitch is five” three plus three the son of bitch is six” and so on…..
    Horrified I asked him where on earth he has picked up this language. “Oh that’s the way they teach in school he replied.
    The next day I went to see his Teacher and asked her about it.
    At first she was equally horrified then her face broke in a grin. “I get it!” she explained “We teach them to say “three plus one the sum of which is four.”[/B]
     

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    Last edited: Feb 19, 2010
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  2. malligashivaram

    malligashivaram Gold IL'ite

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    LIMERICKS:::
    There was a young lady of lynn
    Who was deep in original sin.
    When they said " Do be good !!"
    She said "would if I could ."
    And straightaway went at it again.


    There was a young fellow of lyme Who lived with three wives at a time,
    When they asked "Why the third,
    He replied: "One's absurd,
    And bigamy sir is a crime"

    SELF COMPOSED EPITAPHS

    I have finally gotten to the bottom of things.

    Involved in a plot.

    Excuse me for not rising.

    Well, I have played everything but a harp.

    Here lies Walter Winchell in the dirt he loved so well.

     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2010
  3. malligashivaram

    malligashivaram Gold IL'ite

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    PUNCH LINES

    Few of us can stand prosperity, another man's I mean.

    Society would be delightful were all women married and all men single....

    Conscience: Something that feels terrible when everything else feels swell.

    In three days guest, like fish, begins to stink.

    The chain of wedlock is so heavy that it takes two to carry it-----sometimes three.

    A word of advice ------Don't give it.

    A truthful woman is one who won't lie about anything except her age, weight, and her husband's salary
     
  4. Deaf woman

    Deaf woman Senior IL'ite

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    :rotflgood ones ,thanks for sharing
     
  5. malligashivaram

    malligashivaram Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you viji-----given me the boost to write more:)
     
  6. bhuvanhan

    bhuvanhan Silver IL'ite

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    Nice thoughts. Thanks for sharing.:bowdown
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. malligashivaram

    malligashivaram Gold IL'ite

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    Good 1 liners....

    1. I get up at 6 a.m., no matter what time it is.

    2. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful,understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

    3. One woman's hobby is another woman's hubby.

    4. The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of a new car.

    5. It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such good friends.

    6. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

    8. I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

    9. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

    10.Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

    11. By! all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man.

    12.Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Therefore ...

    13.Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence - A Life sentence!!

    14.Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

    15.Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

    16.I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

    17.If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

    18.The 4 food groups: Fast, frozen, instant and microwaved


     

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  8. natpudan

    natpudan Gold IL'ite

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    Malliga,

    Really nice ones.

    Keep sharing.
     
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  9. malligashivaram

    malligashivaram Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks Natu coming from you i take it as a big compliment
     

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  10. kalaprabha

    kalaprabha Silver IL'ite

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    Good ones..MS.Mallika
    I enjoyed reading it :)

    Kala
     

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