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Small issue but need your help..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by klniha, Jan 13, 2014.

  1. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    My mistake. This makes my point even stronger - it's not like the lady doesn't have enough to do already.

    M2A, you are the only one on this thread who seems to be drawing a distinction between wife's family and husband's family. If you read my first post carefully, you'll notice I said my own mother and great aunt took cabs, too.

    As far as I'm concerned, the fact that you keep bringing this up (the exact relation, which is irrelevant) means it is important to YOU. I'm not sure that anything about OP's predicament would change even if it were her ENTIRE family arriving at the airport. She'd still be anxious about driving, and the welfare of her child.

    By the way, have you met Darmesh? He had a wildly popular thread a day or two ago, which has now been closed. He plays the same kind of devil's advocate role you are doing (pointing out how pesky wives always disrupt the sacred bonds between husband and his precious family).

    Now Darmesh is out of action, you have surfaced to continue his work. Maybe you guys should join forces to teach all us wayward, misguided married women on IL exactly how to behave ourselves.
     
    4 people like this.
  2. simpleMom

    simpleMom Gold IL'ite

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    OP,

    You are taking unnecessary stress. Why cant you ask your BIL to take a cab? Why do you want to serve him home made food and not buy from outside? Is he planning to live with you and your toddler till your husband is back? Is it not bit awkward for you?

    For your peace of mind,

    1. If you cant cook, buy dinner for that day from outside
    2. Ask your BIL to take cab
    3. If your husband is staying back, then be a great host.
    4. Otherwise, being ordinary host or even not hosting is OK.
     
  3. simpleMom

    simpleMom Gold IL'ite

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    OP has all the freedom to treat her sibling with all the love and affection. She can choose to bend her back to be nice to her sibling. She can choose to be formal with her BIL. It is her choice.

    No one can impose a rule that she needs to be as nice to her BIL as she is to her brother. Her BIL is neither her sibling nor her parents nor her husband nor her child. He is her husband's brother. That's about it.
     
    3 people like this.
  4. sweetypi

    sweetypi Platinum IL'ite

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    A family member can be expected to understand a genuine problem irrespective of whether he is related to the husband or the wife. The BIL will surely not get kidnapped if he hires the cab himself !
    While the OP should certainly drive confidently, it shouldn't be with the aim of picking up relatives from the airport.
    If she is coming home to her child at the end of the day, it is the child whose needs should get preference. I am not sure a toddler will enjoy waiting at the airport or at a babysitter's, should flights be delayed. And if a mother is anxious about the safety of her child while she is driving, there are better times and places for her to overcome her fear.
    There is no need to try and give her a guilt trip.
    Now don't say that OP being a mother shouldn't be working in the first place ...

    And by the way, since you've already brought up the issue of siblings: would you be seriously offended with your sister if she was unable to pick you up at the airport ?
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2014
    3 people like this.
  5. hope2b

    hope2b Silver IL'ite

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    There are families where if anything was not done per the protocol, in this case, not picking up BIL, who is coming for the first time, make a huge issue of it. OP has admitted that her DH will feel bad and is the type as mentioned. I myself have had experience as described by My2angels and they keep throwing that card at me for few years now. OP has found a solution. My opinion is bashing my2angels for providing a difficult (as perceived) solution is not appropriate.
     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    @my2angels
    Seriously?...that puts a big questionmark on your way of thinking.

    What kind of a sick family turns a small thing like this into a life time of taunts for the DIL/Bhabhi.If they do then they definitely are not worth going to any troubles for.

    So safety from taunts from in laws is more important than personal safety.
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    ..........................
     
  8. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    It is a culture thing - airport pickup and drop-off are a significant way of showing that one cares for us Indians. But, if a car is hired for the purpose, or there is a driver for own car, it is one thing. If the person has to drive the car himself/herself and deal with traffic on the way to airport, it is more a hardship than a show of care.

    Why can't such things be casually discussed between siblings - "hey, turns out I have an appointment... can you take a cab... this is how you do it..." and later that evening, over a hearty dinner, again say you wish you could have come to the airport.

    BTW, for many taking a cab to the airport may be more cause for tension than driving to the airport. :)
     
    2 people like this.
  9. anahita5

    anahita5 Gold IL'ite

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    about learning to drive a car with toddler in back seat should not be done when you are stressed and running around. Also depends on where OP lives. Driving to JFK is different than driving to Jacksonville airport.
     
  10. my2angels

    my2angels Silver IL'ite

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    I don't need to teach anyone anything. I think you are doing a pretty good job of it and getting pretty good support too. Damn !! I don't know why I always forget this is Indus LADIES forum.

    I am thinking from both angles. She may have her reasons not to pick up the BIL, and it maybe a small issue. But it all depends on the understanding of the BIL and the husband and the inlaws in general.

    If the inlaws and husband are people like what we have seen in the threads of Married Section then the OP is really in for a hard time ahead. This small issue may escalate in the future and she may hear taunts all her life. That was my concern

    But hey - again it all depends on how understanding or "not understanding" her husband and inlaws are. She is the best judge.
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2014

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