Sister Gone South

@Goahead

I feel you overshared what you were going through while she under shared from her end. Also, at times, we are so focused on sibling love that we forget that there is another nastier side called sibling rivalry.

I was rudely confronted with sibling rivalry a few years ago when i trusted my sister so much and ended up sharing every single minutest detail to her. In the end she threw every private detail i had shared with her in public and made me a laughing stock.

It took me 2 years to overcome the pain but i definitely did and overcame whatever i faced with a smile on my face. All through that time, i just maintained a hi-bye relation with her. I stopped talking to her in private, never took her calls, never spoke to her beyond what was required of me in public.

I led my life and lead my life happily. I only included who i wanted to include in my life. She understood that i kept her away. Slowly, she made an effort to reach out to me. When she did, i did respond but with caution. I respond to her questions with a vague answers. I stopped divulging anything about my life or my kids or my husband.

If you look at her now, you wont believe she is the same person. She has done a 180 degree turn. She is now voluntarily sharing things from her end. But i still dont encourage or entertain it. I just listen calmly or if i get a chance try and divert the topic. I dont want to be hurt again badly. So i dont advice her on things and dont seek her advice. I thread with caution when its her.

My suggestion to you would be to take a break form this relation for a while. I am sure when you stay away and dont talk much, give vague answers to her questions and completely block her out by maintaining a hi-bye relation, she is bound to realise what she missed and come back to you. If not, its her loss.

You need a lot of time to overcome this feeling. Surround yourself with your loved ones like you husband and kids. Concentrate on what makes you happy and move on. I am sure time will heal all pain.

When things seem to be moving forward for good, never forget what you went through and always be cautious.

 

Sisters brothers siblings all after marriage may seem to have taken a leaf out of their spouse and other Ills - i mean BIL SIL MIL CO SIS CO BRO ETC - even technology transfer takes place between MIL & DIL . HUSBAND derives pleasure in following certain practices or habits of spouse and vice versa. The picked up technology from opposite members are far too many that results in either more bonding or dividing. These could develop into more acrimony or deep friendship. A good Spinster SIL after her marriage transforms totally and with siblings talks acrimoniously and turn selfish oeevish thrifty and parsimonious.

A sil found to be generous in serving full size fried pappad began serving guests only quarter sized fried or roasted pappad! Cordiality of SIL vanishes overnight after a fortnight’s rub with her spouse. There are sisters not liking her parents and siblings visit her in her inlaws place.
A dilemma starts as to how much dustance is safe for just hi-bye too.

 

Op,
Welcome to reality.
You're being naive and shared all info including prep. Which takes a quite amount of time. Ever wondered she would do sake, prep for you?
You would have bought dress for her. Did she ever bought a handkerchief for you?
Re-run all details in last 2 years..
How many times you called her? How many times she called you? To share info.
I bet, you did most sharing thought she is family. To tell you one truth only husband and kids are your family. Rest are extended family.
She was being smart, under shared. Hid most of the details by giving vague answers. Similar to my sister, who bought a luxury car (wait time itself 6 months) just shared pic on family whatsapp group. Though we used talk 3 times a week. Same happened for house, they invited us just 2 days before housewarming on pretext that house wasn't available, all of sudden it came in market.. thinking I'm idiot enough to believe we can buy house in 3 days. So I realized people are like this only I'm not smart enough. Also whatever info I share will travel whole world. But her info will remain secret.
I bought a $800sofa became huge problem..but they buy 800k house in 3 days
I will blame my parents too they share to her whatever I say but vice-versa never happens. If you don't share its called hiding when sister don't share its called waiting for right moment or not too important to share. Please respond how she does then see what happens.
Be smart, give replies in 1-2 words.
It will be hurting. Sorry for that. Learn and grow!

 

You were not naive, not an innocent fool for being open with your own siblings, with wh you grew up in the past.
You never had a bad experience in the past, so you just continued to be the same sister, which is not wrong!

But, your sister has changed. Perhaps, influenced a lot by others who are now her family.
Some families prefer to keep all their good news within themselves until it is confirmed. May be your sister shares the same values as this.
Let her be!

This is the first time you learned this... Sadly the hard way that your sister has considered you as ' others' in her life, while you were still considering her as 'yours'.

Now that you have learned the lesson. Good for you!

It is time to reciprocate what you received!
Consider her the same, and limit the information you share with her.

On the other hand, the world is huge, where you may find plenty of sisters who may not share the same blood as you are, but may consider you as 'theirs'. Go ahead and share the real bond with them.

It is time for moving on!

 

Thumbs up!

 

interesting right. OP you are holding to the memory or the image of that sister in your mind and expecting the same while she moved on.

OP nothing is wrong with you. . It is how life is.

Trust me. while i type all big words. i have similar complaints to my spouse , my teen independent daughter who wants to run away to college dorm, and son.

no advise. i cannot change your thinking or personality, because there is nothing wrong in it. it is just how it is. enjoy your moments with her and then have your new experiences as suggested