Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Giri12, Sep 24, 2020.
If your SIL’s MIL is not well then who is taking care of her?
A little careful with this approach. Generally speaking, it is hard to make someone go someplace they are not really willing to go. And this will be an everyday battle : ) getting your MIL ready to go to your SIL's house. It might even backfire as in some days the kid gets left at your place and your MIL goes to your SIL's place (assuming the kid is able to stay without his mother).
I am going to get a little preachy here. Try to not focus on the conveniences SIL is ending up getting or that she is escaping from the work of her marital home, has less in-laws living with her etc. Your home is her parents' home. Going by your description, you came into a house that had three generations already living in it. Choose your battles wisely. Making her visits less frequent or sending your MIL over are not in your control. For all you know, your SIL's in-laws might not like your MIL at their place the whole day. You have to figure out ways to do only what you want to do in terms of babysitting the kid and your SIL. When she naps, you nap.
MIL will insist you manage it any how. You should quietly not manage it. Don't make a big deal out of it. Let the dishes remain dirty. Take longer to cook. A few times do not help when asked to help. Politely, calmly and not showing your displeasure outwardly. Remember that Covid will be history in a few months or a year (hopefully), the kid will start school in a year... but any unpleasantness created now will be forever remembered. So, go about it tactfully. And do not worry about things like:
Today only i tried to convince my mother in law for going to sis in law place but she simply refused. Its true that i dnt want to make issue out of it but when people start taking u for granted u just cant tolerate at some point.
For now i will simply try to help wherever possible and will refuse or ignore any extra work.
She is simply leaving her ill mother in law at home alone and still walking with raised face while in my case i never get this freedom because of grand mother in law. This also bothers me alot. I know u cannot compare sorrows but sometimes u do that
Adding to the fuel was recent battle at my another grand mother in laws home. She is mother of my mother in law. She was admitted to hospital last year she cant walk or cant stay at home alone. She is living with her younger child family apparently my husbands mama family. She had a quarrel with her daughter in law so my mother in law insist to bring her at my home. Dnt know for how many months or forever. Its getting difficult for me to even think what will happen next now.
She used to stay at our place every year for 2 months and ofcourse i am and was always nice to her.
She did have a elder son too but she has a very tense relation with that mami so cant live with them.
I think for me charity begins at home i will end up taking care of all d elders n all others will enjoy their life
I think taking care of elders is not problem but when others forget their duty and u end up taking responsibility on ur shoulder thats when problem begins. If everybody takes care of their own elder parents this problem wont arise only. In my case i religiously took care of my all 4 inlaws staying at home. At times my inlaws go to tour i alone use to manage all home n my job too without any help or drama. Similarly why others cant do this. Sometimes i do think that being very nice can be taken in so wrong way that people just use u at any length they want.
Due to overwork n mental disturbances also i think i m infertile for around 11 yrs now.
I simply want to vent out here. My mother in laws sister's husband got corona. She has a daughter in law with twins kids of 3yr. She daughter in law does a bank job work from home. They both live in seperate house. So as her mother in law was not available she convinced her husband and he called my mother in law and said to drop his 2 children at my place weekly for 2 days. Thankfully my husband said a firm no as she means daughter in law should be one managing it and she is very rude and manipulative. I know everyone has problem but for gods sake atleast think of us. It would hav been more hectic. My mother in law was very upset as she thought we should hav helped them. I do understand but i hav my limitations too. Dnt i hav a life where i will handle my problems or am just a solution for all ur problem.
Don’t know how some people can be so selfish...you really need to appear busy and fake some health issue to keep your work minimal...smartly reduce your work...i was in similar situation last year when people of in laws family came and stayed for 3 months...I was so much overloaded and exhausted and my health became worse...and worst part is no one bothered how much work I did and kept on finding faults with me...next time I clearly said no for hosting, when same people were in town for function..of course it did not go well with anyone but I don’t care about their feelings.