single parents?

Why is it even your mil's decision who is ALLOWED to YOUR baby shower? Really... you are the one having the baby. Your mil is just an outsider who should feel LUCKY to even be invited. You take control of who is invited, and make sure your mom is on the list. Don't even ask your mil for her suggestions, it's none of her business. Whoever wants to come can come, and if your mil doesn't want to see your mom, than your MIL can stay home.

If your mil says the shower can't take place in her house, then have the shower at your mom's house and invite friends and other NICE relatives over. But I don't think two showers sends a good message to your mom... like, she is not good enough to attend the official one, so there has to be a second one set up for widows?? Just have one GREAT baby shower and invite everyone.

Personally, if my mil tried that crap with me I would tell her that if she can't get her act together and treat my mom like a human being instead of like the boogy man, than I (and hence my new baby) will be having nothing to do with her. I'm not saying that's what you should do, because it would probably cause a huge uproar, but it's what I would do because I can't tolerate this sort of idiocy. I'm not wishing bad on your fil, but I hope someday your mil gets a taste of her own medicine and realizes the error of her ways.

 

I cannot imagine how can one woman not understand the plight of another.. do they forget wht goes around comes around..:rant
And no baby shower can be complete without your mom's blessings and prayers. She needs all the support and love at this time
I hate when people behave like this during baby showers... My mom lost her first kid when it was 1.5 years old. Now she has 2 daughters (me & my sis) . But still in all the baby shower functions she is not allowed to bless the bride or give her bangles etc. I was so irritated at my cousin's baby shower fucntion when my own granmother (my mother's mom) said my mom should not do this. If a mother herself cannot understand her daughter no wonder others behave this way.:bonk
At least for this reason I want to have a kid soon so I can give this privilege to my mom

 

Lavii,

I lost my dad when I was 15 years old. I can completely relate to you. She is going through her worst phase of her life and you need to be with her. No matter what others say.

My blood boils when people say that my mom is not supposed to do this that etc., Most of those people who 'talk' are not going to get involved in your day to day matters. So why give importance to what they say. Infact just like your grandmom, my grandmom also says that my mom shouldn't do this etc., And as time passed my mom herself developed a feeling that she is not supposed to certain things and says if I do this everybody will talk bad about me. Don't let this happen to your mom. Support her and involve her in everything.

My prayers to you and your mom.

Aswini

 

Lavii... ask your hubby how he would want YOU treated when HE is gone. Then tell him to treat your mom just like he wants people to treat you someday. Because we are todays society. How we treat people today is what we can expect for ourselves tomorrow.

You should ask him, if he loves you so much, then how can he cause you so much pain by abandoning his own mil? Ask him if this is how you and him will be treating HIS mom when HIS dad passes away. I just don't understand how people can be so mean and hypocritical.

Grrrr. :rant

 

I hate this attitude of men.. how can they inflict so much mental torture and pain to his own wife.. that too when she is pregnant:rant
We need to talk to so many people to take care of our own parents..but for guys it is their right..Society is so cruel..

 

Dear lavii!
I fully understand what your mom and you are going through. I went through the same 3 years back. In my case I lost my husband like your mom. If you have time read my blog titled "life goes on". That was my 1st blog and I really poured out whatever came to mind.
Now I am a better person. Time is the best healer. Ask your mom to pursue some hobby or attend some classes. Just dont bother about the people around you. remember the song "kuch to logh kahenge, logonka kaam hai kehana.....I know it is very easy to say but I assure you she will definitely feel better if she meets people.
Introduce her to IL. Ask her to write
It is not your moms mistake that she lost her husband. Tomorrow when you leave ask your mom to come and stand outside. If others close the door it is their problem not your mom's. Whatever said and done your mom has to come out of this.
all the best!
manjula