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single parents?

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by lavii, Jan 28, 2010.

  1. shivachoubey

    shivachoubey IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Lavii,

    I guess once your child is born your mother will get occupied. What I made out of your post is that she is going through depression. 7 months time is too short to overcome the pain she is going through. I guess you are doing fine, she is blessed to have a daughter like you who is standing beside her.

    Just be with her, talk to her and keep trying to break the shell she has gone in. I wish you the very best. My prayers are with your mother. May god bless her.
     
  2. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    thank you so much for your support dear crossiants and shivachoubey
    ya i hope time heals this pain soon

     
  3. smart_soul

    smart_soul Bronze IL'ite

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    Lavii,

    My heart goes with you dear. I'm unable to control my tears reading about your mom.

    It's such a boon that you are able to stay with her during this time. I know coming out of such shock is not easy at all. i think you are doing a wonderful job supporting your mom. Give her sometime and slowly talk to her and get her moving around socially. it's not easy at all.. If she is religiously inclined, take her to Bhajans, temples etc., Don't let her stay alone. I don't know what more to say Lavii...

    I was almost about to lose my mom 7 months back but she is living with us now and that is a miracle. So I can relate to your feelings to a certain extent..
     
  4. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    smart_soul
    thank you so much for taking time to reply
    you know what unfortunately new neighbours we got are so stupid
    our houses are opposite to each other
    when my mom comes out to say bye when i go to office or something if they open doors they just shut it off on face with loud sound and that lady was advising me that my mom shouldnt be going to temples and such crap..i had to say mind your business and we know what to do..
    in such a modern world people are making life hell
    is it my moms fault that she lost my dad
    or is it my dads mistke to go so soon?
    since that incident my mom stopped even coming out and is in shell
    my mil is no less she says if baby shower has to be done at their palce my mom cant come
    things changed so badly i wonder if all these are human beings or animals now
     
  5. smart_soul

    smart_soul Bronze IL'ite

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    Lavii Dear,

    I get furious when I hear about such people. In which age/era are these animals? This would cause the victim to go into shell.... I think you HAVE to be strong and tell them to 'Mind their own business' as you are doing now. Dealing with a neighbor like that is ok, for you can even cut contacts with them, but dealing with such MIL is very very tricky. Just be strong and get your hubby's help, if needed. Talk to him and make him understand that 'God forbid, if something like this happens to his mom, will he like her to be treated like that'? I'm sure he would not want his mom to be treated like that and the same holds good for you also... If something like this comes up between your MIL and you, ask your hubby to tell strongly that 'Her mom is important to her, as you(his mom) is important to him'.... I know it's VERY hard to make guys talk against their mothers. But be strong, unemotional, calm and bring your point..

    Good Luck dear....
     
  6. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Lavii... your moms neighbors and YOUR mil are like thugs. Really, they must have lost all sense as to what is right and wrong. Do the right thing Lavii... invite your mom NO MATTER WHAT and tell her if she doesn't come, you won't be having the baby shower. There is a 50/50 chance that your fil will die before mil.. she should realize those odds and not act like a nasty b*tch. It's up to you to set the tone for how your mom will be treated by your mil. Don't tolerate any nonsense from her. And make sure your dh understands that after marraige he is now related to your mom too, and as such, shouldn't stand for ANY of his relatives to get hurt by what his ignorant fool mother is doing.

    I'm sorry there are people like that in this world. They really have no sense of compassion. Right now your mom must be hurting a lot and missing your dad.... give her time and space to feel sad and deal with her big loss. But don't give so much space that she feels forgotten.

    Like the other ladies mentioned, when she gets to see her new grandchild, it will bring her a lot of happiness.

    Don't let anyone put your mom down Lavii... nobody has that right. You should tell your husband that if he wants you to show any respect for his mom, then your mom needs the same from you and EVERYONE else in the family. I know you can get it done. Good luck Lavii, and a big hug to you...
     
  7. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    smart_soul & asuitablegirl
    thank you so much for the emotional support dear
    thats what we need right now
    till my dad was there my mom was very much occupied with different things they used to go for evening walks used to visit temples relatives friends etc
    now no one is really bothered to come home or talk to her when we really need them
    like i mentioned before after my dads death my mil never came home or talked to mom but i still try going to them everyweekend and spend time and comeback
    but she is upset because i am with mom
    my problem is if my mom has some siblings or dad or other kid then i could have left her and come but now me being only child i feel its my responsibilty to take care
    she said before for 1 yr my mom should not come their house in front of my face ..either ways she wont be normal with me i cant imagine my moms plight if we have to stay together
     
  8. cutekid

    cutekid Silver IL'ite

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    hi Lavi,

    sorry for the loss.Actually ur mom is very young & she can make good use of her life.U can take her to any library near by or so bring some good books for her to read.This way she can be occupied.You can make her join some activity group like yoga or music so that she can attend everyday & can make some new friends there.Your mom has any Mahila mandal membership or so?If she likes Knitting or sewing get her the necessary stuff & ask her to prepare something for ur child.
    Please ask everyone to treat her as normal person : not letting her to temples or aupicious occasion is hurting & will keep her reminding abt her loss.
    Ask ur relatives (mausi,mama) to talk to her often as they her close ones & can connect to her well.Giver her more time,take her out with u,go for evening walks nearby.Set a routine for her.
    All the best
     
  9. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Lavii ask her to join some social service, or rehab center for kids with special needs, I think she can get back to work.
    One of my frnds mom started working into teaching profession once her DH passed away and this first job of hers was in her late 40s..

    Dont worry on what ppl say.. imagine if someone's MIL looses her DH then will she leave the house on baby shower day... still if ur MIL doesn't budge then celebrate another baby shower at ur mom's place with ur frndz and colleagues.. no point aruging with ppl who dont have brains or maturity!!
     
  10. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    cutekid & ShilpaMa
    thanks for replying
    ya i decided no baby shower if she wont allow my mom..the only reason why we planned kids now is only becasue i feel my dad comes back
    so without my mom i diont think thats called celebration at all
     

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