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SIL's hurtful words.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by asuitablegirl, Jun 5, 2011.

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  1. Jun 7, 2011 #51
    aniShekar

    aniShekar Platinum IL'ite

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    Great news! so very glad for you - I'm sure now you'll feel upbeat enough to tackle about a dozen SILs in a go!
     
    aniShekar, Jun 7, 2011
    aniShekar, Jun 7, 2011
    #51
  2. Jun 8, 2011 #52
    sitara1

    sitara1 Bronze IL'ite

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    I know what you mean... even I do that with my MIL. Even when MIL is mean to me, I take it bending over trying to impress the pants off her. :rant The desperate wish to be accepted by others makes us do such things.

    Although, I am pretty good at handling my SIL, cos she exhausted her 'limit of evilness' that I am willing to bear, so now I dont take any crap from her. You too will get to that point.. maybe since the last phone call you are already there. Next time, show her what you are.

    Best wishes to you :thumbsup
     
    sitara1, Jun 8, 2011
    sitara1, Jun 8, 2011
    #52
  3. Jun 8, 2011 #53
    asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    A fierce man eating tiger.
     
    asuitablegirl, Jun 8, 2011
    asuitablegirl, Jun 8, 2011
    #53
  4. Jun 8, 2011 #54
    RHariharan

    RHariharan New IL'ite

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    RHariharan, Jun 8, 2011
    RHariharan, Jun 8, 2011
    #54
  5. Jun 8, 2011 #55
    asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    She said that. She also said 'she is always here for me' and 'i'm like a sister'. That was right before she unleashed her criticism.

    I will try. I'm also going to try to come accross as less wimpy. I think she see's me as a little ba ba lamb who will break down into tears everytime she insults me. First thing is, I'm never going to let her make me cry again. And second is, I'm going to stop the trickle of insults before they become a waterfall. For example, if she brings up my dh's ex wife again I'm going to suggest if she likes talking about the past so much, why don't we talk about her ex husband instead. If she brings up my vaginal treatments again in front of all the guys in our family, I'm going to ask her how her infertility treatments are going. My dh has told me that the only way to get her to back off is if I stand up to her. Even if I'm scared inside, I'm going to try to make my outside look calm, powerful, and no-nonsense.
     
    asuitablegirl, Jun 8, 2011
    asuitablegirl, Jun 8, 2011
    #55
  6. Jun 8, 2011 #56
    littlelost

    littlelost Senior IL'ite

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    You go girl!!! Hope you feel better soon too
     
    littlelost, Jun 8, 2011
    littlelost, Jun 8, 2011
    #56
  7. Jun 8, 2011 #57
    sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Hi ASG,

    I didn't read all the replies but this is what I want to share after reading your first post. I think now you too have learnt your lesson like me that it's a huge mistake to tell your problems to your in laws no matter how sugar coated they talk.

    I once told my MIL that my hubby simply hates to eat one of the dishes prepared by my mum. She keeps telling everyone that my hubby hates all my mum's cooking and that he only likes her cooking and I am not taking any initiative to learn her cooking. She together with her useless relatives would plan to cook something my hubby likes, then they all will stand all around her learning how to cook it while hinting that I don't give importance to what my hubby likes to eat. Till this day I regret for sharing it with her in the place first.

    And I too once did a mistake telling her my hubby got very angry with me for something and he scolded me really bad. Since then she thinks my hubby doesn't love me enough and whenever I need to tell him something that he may differ in opinion, she would say "Let me tell him. He won't listen to you. He'll listen to me."

    She thinks my hubby is not very close with me as he is quite reserved when it comes to being affectionate with me in front others especially his family. That is not true. We are very close with each other than anybody else could think of. My hubby would listen to me and agree with whatever I say unless it's really not appropriate. I don't need her to convey something to him on behalf of me.

    Trust me I hate myself for telling her that. And I am sure she has told it to the rest of them in the family. I feel like a fool walking among a bunch of people who think my hubby doesn't really love me anyway at least in the beginning.

    So ASG please be very cautious next time not to tell them things about you that could backfire on you.
     
    sadwife, Jun 8, 2011
    sadwife, Jun 8, 2011
    #57
  8. Jun 8, 2011 #58
    asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    YEAH! That's my same feeling. Looks like we have all learned the hard way not to share personal info. So, I guess this was just my hard learning experience. Maybe it is part of growing up and becoming wise? Anyways, I have learned my lesson. Hopeully I'm a little smarter now than I was a week ago. :) Sorry Sadwife that you had to go through the same thing. I guess now we know though how to handle our personal life. :roll:
     
    asuitablegirl, Jun 8, 2011
    asuitablegirl, Jun 8, 2011
    #58
  9. Jun 9, 2011 #59
    sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Past is past ASG. We can't mend it now. Anyway we all make mistakes. Don't we? What's important now is we have learnt from it. From now on just make sure we don't give others the chance to play with our emotions.
     
    sadwife, Jun 9, 2011
    sadwife, Jun 9, 2011
    #59
  10. Jun 10, 2011 #60
    smart_soul

    smart_soul Bronze IL'ite

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    Totally agree with ASG, sadwife and most of others here.

    We all learn from bad experiences, don't we? As Sadwife said, I too have a few instances when I felt it was ok to open up when given consolation during down times and then have seen the same being used against me in front of everyone. :rant

    Infact the most I recollect is my mom doing that when I had severe constipation issues during my teens (a finicky issue to talk outside at that age) and she would tell my family (aunts, grandmas) about the issue in front of me and others and embarass me :spin to tears there and when I raised my voice against, the answer would be "may be your aunt/grandma would know a solution for that" and I would have to shut up there. And Everytime I used to visit my aunt who lived close-by, had to answer the stupid question "Is your consti problem better now.. oh.. have castor oil/apply castor oil" - all in front of my uncle and cousin. :bonk

    Will you believe the same thing happened when I visitted india this time (10 years past teens)and I had to take a stand and say, "This is my personal problem and I know how to handle it and if this propaganda continues, I'll have to think about coming and staying at my mom's". She was upset but I am so glad I passed on the message.

    And of course I had my super times with my in-laws too where I blurt out things and stand like a stupid when they use it against me.

    Lesson learnt: Personal problems are really PERSONAL. And not to share with anyone, particularly, in-Laws no matter how close they may pretend to be.
     
    smart_soul, Jun 10, 2011
    smart_soul, Jun 10, 2011
    #60
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