sil's behavior

Rad · Nov 1, 2012

sil(dh's sister) is disrespecting my mother when she gets a chance..recently we had a house warming function..my mom and sister came early....(we are nuclear) when my mil and sil entered into my house , sil says to mil..."her mother came"...what if my mom comes to my home???? till the function got over, she didnt utter a word to my mother atleast for courtesy.....she was literally disrespectful to my mom...and she didnt bid good bye to her too...but her husband did...... mil and sil left earlier..and later my mom went home... next morn..mil called me and asked " has ur mother left??"

i had been so much adjustable to these people..and these idiots are in the same way they are... stupid husband is fully on their part and no point of discussing these things with him...and it will make life more hell than now...i feel my sil can be considerate atleast for my mom's age....what ever may be the reason..

friends, i think it's foolish to oblige with them hereafter....just give me some idea with which i can counter react to her whn she behaves like this again...i am insisting on this as my mom felt so hurt that day..and she felt bad for coming to my home....

pour in ur idea regarding this..no forgiving or compromise this time..she needs to know wht she is doing...

thanks in advance..

anjananathan · Nov 1, 2012

oh.. what a co-incidence.. even we had house warming function recently and my MIL did not even invite my mom and dad when they entered.. my MIL was busy treating her family members and left the house before my mom.. it looked like my family with my hubby conducted the house warming and they were guest.. in that house, my MIL is going to stay with us and not mom/dad.. my hubby will say that my mom is not in good health and thats the reason she left.. if she can do for her near ones, why not my family?

i was so upset with this but surely will teach her a lesson when time comes.. she left to my BIL's home and till now i did not call her to check whether she reached safe.. i am not going to call her also.. in future, if there are any functions, will ask my mom to ignore her ..

Rad · Nov 1, 2012

yes anjana, we need not be too considerate to these people as they do not have any manners..and they dont deserve any respect

manjukps · Nov 1, 2012

Dear Radhika,

In my opinion, only if you react for these things, you are giving them the chance to achieve their pleasure of hurting you and your family members. Just don't react. Don't ever show them you are hurt. Why should you go down to their level when you feel that they are behaving silly. I agree that it hurts our feeling when they behave like this. Behave nice to them as you want them to behave, just ignore them when they act bad, that itself will be sugar coated pill to them. This will get you into good books of your husband if not others. Them as time goes your husband naturally will extend support to you. It takes time but you will not get defeated.

If you counter react with same kind of reaction, you are loosing yourself and giving in to their expectation. This is life and not mega serial, where people want to take revenge.

But if only want an advice of no compromising, no forgiving, them I am not the right person to advice you.

Regards
Manjukps

Rad · Nov 1, 2012

compromising and forgiving ..i am doing past 7 years of my marriage..she thinks i am submissive to her when ever she does something like this....i am reaching my height of patience and am venting out my anger

manjukps · Nov 1, 2012

I am telling out of my own experience of 18 years of marriage with depressing first few years. The same kind of situations happened in my life too. Harmony with husband is more important in family life. Now my PiLs know very well my husband will never let me down.

Nothing wrong in venting out, otherwise we burst out. But if you want only advices on retarding, I don't have anything to be of help to you.

Regards
Manjukps

smritisinha · Nov 1, 2012

I agree to Manjukps. Because even if we mete out the same behavior to them, they won't understand and it will be taken as "being a bad DIL" by them and DH as well.

We too bought a new place for us, and guess what, my parents were not invited. Not even told that we conducted the first ceremony there. In our tradition, we put a matka (water vessel) filled with water with some grains and flowers at the new place to call Gods to bless us. This was done by us on a Sunday, and I was told of this on Saturday. Only DH, me and his parents were present.

Even after performing the ceremony, they didn't call my parents. Neither did my husband even for their blessings.

But if I react to this, I am showing my weakness to them so that they can step on my feelings again. I wont react. My relationship with my parents is not driven by their actions. They love me and bless me, whether they are invited or not.

So, I've just ignored it.

Tashsin · Nov 1, 2012

She did this all BCz she want to show her importance ...thatz it..
Don't take her seriously..avoid her enjoy and decorate ur new house...

Stressfull · Nov 1, 2012

I agree with all the posts above here don't let them know u r irritated by their behavior they will repeatedly do these type of things it's your hous warming function u invited ur parents u must treat them well why care for those creatures

MaritalBliss · Nov 1, 2012

Tell your family to do the same..ignore your sil when they see her. This is fairly common though..in laws not respecting the gal's side...as long as your husband respects them, it's enough I feel.