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Silent Treatment

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anivijay, Jan 30, 2023.

  1. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Spousal relationship is when the humanity learn how to practice interdependence. Apparently, two people can't have the same qualities but each should work with the strength of the other and both should be willing to learn from each other.

    If calling "Poda" or "Fat Guy" is offensive, I should have diversed by wife 40 years ago as she called me with those names in 1983 right after our marriage but purely in a loving way. We survived 40 years of marriage. There are no couple without any differences. Mostly heated exchanges should be avoided and if that happens, whoever has committed the first offense should ask for apology as mutual respect is important in the spousal relationship. That doesn't mean other spouse can't take initiative to normalize the relationship. It could be a simple act of love offering a cup of coffee or even making a dish that the spouse likes.

    After so many years, we both know each other well our strengths and weaknesses and we also know what are the favorite thing we can say or do to each other that would please one another. When I was depressed after leaving the corporate world with nothing much to do when I started my own business, she suggested that we should both do flower arrangement every week at home together. That changed my life so much as she showed her love and care towards my mental state. Similarly, when she faced a lot of harrassment from my family, I solidly stood by her side that she recalls every now and then, when I make small mistakes. She also loves my attitude of treating her parents as my own parents as she is the only child.

    When I worked in the corporate world return after 12-14 hours of work, he would first offer dinner to me before engaging in any conversation whether they are good or bad. Now I am 68 years old. For the past so many years, I take 10 minutes of my time everyday to cut vegetables to save some time for her. Every Sunday, I tell her that I would cook for the entire family. This small things make big difference.

    Frankly, My entire attitude changed after my marraige as I found my wife to be a person of great character with a lot of love for every being whether they are rich or poor. The attitude that there is so much to learn from each other brings a lot of peace and joy. She is fiercely independent in her thinking but voluntarily ask for opinion from me and figure out which one she can rule me out and which one she can reconcile. Mostly, wherever she ruled me out, she was right. We are truthful to each other and never hide anything from each other. I would rather admit something going wrong due to my bad decision and take mouthful from her than hide it and enjoy the happy period. That transparency and knowing that transparency helps a lot.

    I still admire her for her single-handed parenting and how she raised my son until his age of 13. I see a lot of her character in his approach to people. She taught him character is everything and stood stand tall before academic brilliance. He is academically successful which I was proud but his character makes me feel jubiliant.

    My feeling is this is a temporary phase for you and this also will pass soon. My colleague used to say once two people live together for 10 years, it is impossible for them not to miss each other unless something drastic happens such as infidelity. You both are life partners and in partnership the strength is measured by how strong it is and not by who makes the compromise. These periods of being together is there to enjoy and sooner you make the effort to normalize the relationship, the better it is.
    What he did by showing a paper towel he used to clean the airfryer is flat wrong and so is his disrespectul comment in an agree tone. He reciprocated word by word to him but it must because of inherent differences you both were experiencing for a while. You both need to make a serious effort to discuss the differences in a calm atmosphere without involving anyone else. It is doable and it doesn't matter who makes the initiative. If my wife shuts down for some reason, I keep finding ways to make her talk to me.

    I remember writing an article compatibility with respect to spousal relationship. I tried to link it here but it didn't work. They are meant to keep a distance (not overlap) but can run many miles as long as there is enough understanding and underneath support system.
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2023

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