Sil Tantrums

Sapna56 · Oct 31, 2016

My sil is staying with us that is my DH me n my little one since a year. She's old unmarried. Came here for studies. She searching for job and not getting anywhere. So she ll be always at home. She is of no help to me and we are not in good terms. She's lives kind of isolated life. She's stuck to her room never comes out from room. When I used to invite her to join us for outings she ll never come. So me n my DH kind of stopped asking her.
A day before was my relatives party. She was invited we didn't know. So as usual we kind of got ready and went to the party. She kind of made drama in evening. She was crying in phone and saying to her mom that we don't take her anywhere. Then the relative called her and asked why didn't she come she again cried in front of her and portrayed us bad in front of that relative. The relative is also very interfering in our private lives which I don't like. If the relative was so much interested in calling her then they should have told my DH when he RSVPd them as 2 members.
After she has come to stay with us we are having some or the other problems in our lives.
N m fed of this. I can't tell my DH about it. She with her parents are portraying me bad in front of our closed ones. It's been only 2 years for our marriage and before my make a rapport they are spreading negativity about me. I want her to go away from us. Please help.

SGBV · Oct 31, 2016

Your H knows the drama that your SIL has created. He also knows that she never liked to come out with you guys.
So, what did your H's response to the other relative when she accused of you guys for the mess?
Did your H took all the crap and apologize? Or he forced you to apology? Or escaped from this blame by putting you in to trouble?

If your H took the blame, and felt it is not your mistake, but the mistake of his sister, he would probably understand the other dramas that are going in your house due to SIL.
If he is not this type, then work on towards creating a good rapport with H.
If he has a good rapport about you, he will find a way to save you from SIL's problems. It is his responsibility to take care of his wife and sister or whoever, but in a healthier way.

MalStrom · Oct 31, 2016

Your SIL is older, unmarried and has been unsuccessful so far in getting a job. And if you say she keeps isolating herself it sounds like she might be depressed. It can't be very pleasant for her too to be staying like this. I don't know if she has the insurance to seek medical help or a counselor. It might be time to set a reasonable timetable for finding a job or looking at options like retuning to India. Isn't her visa going to end at some point?

Sapna56 · Oct 31, 2016

SGBV said: ↑

Your H knows the drama that your SIL has created. He also knows that she never liked to come out with you guys.
So, what did your H's response to the other relative when she accused of you guys for the mess?
Did your H took all the crap and apologize? Or he forced you to apology? Or escaped from this blame by putting you in to trouble?

If your H took the blame, and felt it is not your mistake, but the mistake of his sister, he would probably understand the other dramas that are going in your house due to SIL.
If he is not this type, then work on towards creating a good rapport with H.
If he has a good rapport about you, he will find a way to save you from SIL's problems. It is his responsibility to take care of his wife and sister or whoever, but in a healthier way.
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DH is like why did the relative called and ask her about that. The program is already done and then she is calling. When we rsvpd them that time they should ask. N he said that he should have asked her if she's coming. The thing is she is making us bad in front of people. I told him to make her stay away.

lalsang123 · Oct 31, 2016

Try to act very nicely in front of your husband so that he has a good opinion on you and also has confidence in you.. May be you can suggest to your husband that she can try for a teaching profession ( in a school or college).. I think if she goes out for a job she will be back only late evening which will make her very tired and will not have much energy to even think about these things.. There may be a possibility that she is feeling very depressed because she doesn't have a life partner and that there is no one to share her innermost feelings.. Why don't you tell your husband about this? May be your husband may also be happy, thinking that you are concerned about his sister.. Because she is jobless and unmarried she has got herself confined to a room(she has gone inside her shell)..

Jazmine83 · Oct 31, 2016

There is so much going on in her life..marriage, job etc. She might be depressed

I am glad that in-spite of her age she did pursue her higher studies. That said. I think she is feeling lonely. She is crying and she has a reason to cry. She feels alone. And you guys are having a communication gap here, don't blame the relative for this. Living under the same roof, you both are not talking about party invitation and such. She is not going to be living under your roof long term. It is your house, you have the power...maybe your H can talk to her about how his sister is feeling and work from there