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Sil Got Son To Ask For Another Gift Again!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Patientone, Nov 25, 2021 at 12:16 AM.

  1. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    Do you remember last year SIL asked her kids to ask my husband for the same toys as my daughter? Well we give it. Now this time they demanded an iPad/tablet. I wasn’t having any of it because my own kids don’t have one. My in-laws don’t talk to me (which hurts and are really fake). I’m the choti bahu. My husband has one sister and one big brother both married. Well…I wrote on the WhatsApp group that we couldn’t afford to give it because we are saving for a house and my kids don’t have one either. Husband was upset and removed himself from the group. Husbands elder brother (who hates me) removed me from the group. Even though I deleted the message before his parents or sister read it. The only person that read it was elder brother in law and his wife. My husband doesn’t know his brother removed me (not that he would care). But I was really offended. Like they all gossip so much about SILs husband being lazy and not buying things on purpose so her parents and siblings would buy for her. But honestly they were talking the mick. My husband video calls them and they want everything we have! Send this that the other. I felt like the tablet/iPad idea was too much and how would my own kids feel? My brother in law is financially well off but I feel like he loves causing drama.
     
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  2. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    They wanted us to send the tablet with elder brother in law who is going to india with his wife and 2 kids. I don’t have time to shop. We budget our money and use the bare minimum. Yet husband is upset with me. But I had to speak up because he can never say no! And once they ask they never stop! What’s even hilarious is they feel like they’re entitled to these things but if we choose something to gift like toys and clothes they take them but never say thank you or even gift back. They gift our kids cheap plastic toys and clothes from the market yet own kids wear expensive dresses etc
     
  3. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    this is ridiculous. what you did was right. myself and dh will not buy such expensive stuff for our own kids. we are clear with them in gifting amounts. even if we can afford.

    just be as politically soft as possible to all sides.
     
  4. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks. What do you mean by politically soft?
     
  5. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    You’re right of course, their demands were outrageous and you needed to put your foot down. But you could have handled the situation better. Making declarations on family WhatsApp groups is like throwing a petrol bomb into a fire. I’m not surprised by the fallout. I suppose the iPad is now a moot point. If they kicked you out of the group they’re not going to be expecting any gifts from you. You need to start by salvaging the situation with your husband. A little contrition, a few apologies (even if they are insincere), interspersed with some reasoning should slowly bring him around. Leave the extended family out of it. I don’t think he will be in the mood to hear complaints about his family right now, no matter how justified they might be. Gently reiterate that your intention was only to protect the interests of your children. That you want them to have a home and that all your budgeting and sacrifice will be for nothing if you have to keep reaching into your pocket for others. Time and patience might even paper over some of the rift with the family.
     
    PurpleRoses and ashima10 like this.
  6. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks Gauri. Good advice. It’s just something that had to be done and I’ll clear the mess don’t worry. I couldn’t have done it any another way. Atleast they’ll get the hint, because the demands were getting ridiculous (wanting a 500 pound mountain bike shipped to India?). If we had sent a cheap iPad/tablet they would say ohh it’s not that great. Once I got clothes for his niece and I said how were they he said they don’t fit her (too short). I saw photos 6 months down the line and said look what are you talking about she’s wearing them now!

    as for the family, since I’m the last one coming into it…they treat me like dirt…
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2021 at 2:11 PM
  7. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Gold IL'ite

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    +1

    Op this is what you need to do. Don't be blunt. It will backfire in a way that will spoil your relations with your dh.
    Be diplomatic. I was like you by being frank n tell no to unjustified expectations from inlaws. It caused a big rift with my dh during early days.

    It's difficult for women who are honest to deal with bullsh!t from crappy inlaws.
     
  8. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    I tried being diplomatic first 2 occasions but a man will do what he wants to do unless you put your foot down (especially if mummy dearest knows how to manipulate well). I end up looking like a fool. How do you be diplomatic anyway? Even if you are they walk all over you so for example if you say he’s too young for an iPad right now maybe when we’ll go we’ll give something…you know what they’ll do? Get some cheap gifts from the market and send it with the brother to make us feel guilty…husband will send the iPad as a result…right now I’m focusing on my kids both have flu…

    we’re not the ones going india right now it’s his brother and his family that are going…why do we need to gift something? I don’t have the time to buy these things and get ridiculed etc…boxes of chocolate (big boxes) perfume clothes shoes etc things u can get in India now…honestly I went the other day to get things and put it all back because it was so stressful…it’s not even us that are going….my husband doesn’t even think about how his brothers wife must feel especially with limited luggage etc…
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2021 at 4:23 PM
  9. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    If your BIL is the one going to India why didn’t he buy the iPad if they are that desperate ? Stand your ground. I understand trying to be nice but sometimes bluntness is the only thing that registers.
     

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