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sil doesn;t help

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sashie, Oct 21, 2007.

  1. sashie

    sashie New IL'ite

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    hi , i want to know if anyone else has this problem, when my sil comes to visit me (about once a month), she does not help at all in the kitchen. once she walks thru the door, she's goes straight to play with my kid. usually, i am in the kitchen cooking, she doesn;t even come to say hi, can i help you with anything. even ithough i have alot of probs with mil,she does help me alot (alot more than her daughter). my sil always has to show me that she is from IL side and that she doesn;t need to do anything. i have a youg daughter, so get up and cook before sil gets here, because once they come, it;s becomes chaotic. anyone else have this issue? usually i just don;t say anything, better to do on my own, rather than have to see her mad face that she has to help. thanks sash
     
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  2. yamusarna

    yamusarna Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Sashie,

    I guess, most SILs behave the same way.My SIL is not married, but she was with us for about 3 weeks.In those 3 weeks, she entered kitchen on may be 4 or 5 occasions.
    Her idea of coming to her parents place,might be to just take a break from her own work, and may be she sees her time at your place as her time to take rest.

    I feel it is normal, but yes, it is frustrating.....

    Regards,
    Yamuna.
     
  3. Anushiv

    Anushiv Senior IL'ite

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    Hi sashie,

    Like yamuna mentioned it is frustrating & it is a never-ending issue!
    Yes, S-L comes <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:personName w:st="on">to</st1:personName> parents place for rest, <st1:personName w:st="on">to</st1:personName> sit, chat, play around & <st1:personName w:st="on">to</st1:personName> gossip about her in-laws,
    The peak of irritation & frustration is...they will come & advice us <st1:personName w:st="on">to</st1:personName> lead an understanding & smooth relationship with our in-laws...which we need listen!:bang

    My only advice is... patience. If you are uncomfortable with her just ignore her presence. Don't talk & get in <st1:personName w:st="on">to</st1:personName> unnecessary arguments. Concentrate on your work

    !
     
  4. JayaJ

    JayaJ Senior IL'ite

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    hello,

    The last time my SIL came to stay with us for about 10 days with her 2 kids and husband, i didnt let her do any work. i dont have a maid, so to me, work involved sweeping, mopping, washing clothes, washing vessels (3 times a day) and cooking....and her kids love to come to my house as i prepare something special everyday for them, like custard, jelly, cake, etc.....Its hardwork and painful.
    To me, they are guests at my house and i shouldnt let them work here. afterall, at their own house, they must be slogging their butt out, so when they come to my house, they shud expect to rest and relax. thats my preference.

    coming to yours, i think its ok if your sil doenst offer any help. afterall its just cooking...u just need to think of her as your own sister. you wouldnt like your sister to work when she comes to visit you, would you?

    be generous and you will be rewarded generously as well.
     
  5. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I think we also tend to do the same thing when we visit our parents right!?
    I know it may be not the right thing to do, but i feel visiting parents house is like homecoming and we wantto get out of the stress of behaving alright in our in laws house, and where else can we relax or let our hair down , if not in our own parents house. I know do that and e tell our sis in law too that we need a break! But of course we compensate by sitting with her and chatting normally and helping out wherever we feel we can! But i try not to take the responsibility or order my sil around or completely let herout of things.
    I know these things are frustrating, but it is only for some time, so dont think too deeply on these issues...they dont matter in the long run! Keep a positive outlook and thought and traet her well, i am sure she will turn around! If not also it does not matter, you dont have to become like her!
     
  6. vidyasundar

    vidyasundar Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Sashie,

    I very well understand the situation ur in even i had the same problem. what i did is whenever my MIL or SIL visits me i used to praise them a lot like i cannot cook like you i cannot do things like how did u make sambar, chutney etc

    dont u ever mention your DH as ur hubby always mention as her son to your MIL and as her brother to your SILand then start ur brother likes this dish that dish made by you like that.

    once i told my SIL how she keeps her pooja items shining and sparkling believe me she washed the pooja items for me that day:-D:-D.

    thats how it goes.......... learn the trick soon you will start loving them and later u wont feel like asking them to help you they will do it by themselves and i bet that ul not let them do anything............

    try this and looking for your feedback.
     

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