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Sick & Tired of MIL who hates my mom

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anushka9, Sep 30, 2014.

  1. anushka9

    anushka9 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hello All,

    I am new to this forum and want to share few things here.My MIL has always been a trouble maker in my life.She hates my mom (dont know for what reason) and whenever i talk about my mom in front of her she becomes rude to me.From initial days of my marriage she has always tried her best to dominate me even though i tried my best to take initiatives to make the relation normal because my DH always pushed me.And Ialways wanted a peaceful family life.I cared for her from my heart but got lot of hurt in return.Me & my DH lived in US but now are back in India.My DH is supportive but whenever we come to India situation changes. 4 montsh back we had a big fight over some nonsense issue due to which I was in deep stress and it caused panic attacks and bit of fits.After this my in laws stopped talking to me saying they care for my health and my DH initially was angry at them but later on agreed that they care for me thats why didnt call me because it can give me more stress.Moreover they didnt even talk to my parents during these 4 months.Now finally when I came back my mother called my MIL so that things can get nromal.Before coming here my DH told me that he will talk to his parents wherever ther are wrong But after comimg here my husband changed his views ( manipulated my in laws specially MIL when she starts shedding croco tears).I ws so much fed up that i was thinking to break off this marriage but now we are visiting a counsellor because i get too much angry whenever there are issues because of IL's and i get anxious that affects my mental state and moreover she is also doing marriage counselling but still my MIL's behaviour towards my mom is not good and she again tries to dominate me ( not in front of DH).I dont know how to handle this lady because everytime she do any such nonsense thing I cant control my anger specially when it comes to my mom.. :(
     
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  2. anushka9

    anushka9 Bronze IL'ite

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    P.S : that big fight was with my MIL
     
  3. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    any specific reasons that triggered your MIL's hatred towards your Mom?
     
  4. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    Mils will always hate the dil's mom! No reason required!

    Op dont tell ur mom tht ur mil hates her, it will mk ur mom feel bad n she hsnt done anything to warrant that! Ask ur mon not to call ur mil! Tell ur husband the day ur inlaws start behaving like proper inlaws n maintain proper relations ur parents will call ur inlaws! Till then no communication is reauired! I have done the same! A husband n wife are on equal footing, dil's parents are not garbage n will not be treated like garbage! End of discussion!

    What ur mil feels abt anything is not ur business! She hates ur mom, u also dont like a lot of tjings abt ur mil! Its not ur business to change it! Let her think what she wants! Ur life's objective is not to change ur mil, but to live ur life peacefully wid ur dh!

    Ur dh is supportive, use that, dont bring mil issue into ur marriage, she isnt even worth 10% of ur marriage! Are u staying with ur inlaws?!
    Be friendly wid ur mil on the face n ignore the crap she gives u ! Dont take onto urself wht she says! Listen from an ear n tk it out from the other!

    Concentrate on ur marriage! I use to think like u, thinking of breaking it off cz of inlaws, then i realised, y am i taking their load,they mean nothing to me, then y shud i take any decision in my life keeping their things in my mind!! They are not a part of ur life, so dont make them one! If u decide to leavd u r leaving cz of ur mil, do u want to do that?! Is she so imp to u tht u take this step cz of her?! I think u know the answer!!
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2014
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  5. Alildream

    Alildream Gold IL'ite

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    Maybe she is insecure...my mil used to be big time jealous of my mom. Mom was working, more educated so mil had an inferiority complex. She is very possessive about me and won't allow me to visit/ talk to my mom. She would call mom and ask if I am visiting her etc. one day she made a scene because I held mom's hand in public! It was too much...she would count the number of hours I'd spend with mom and ask me to spend the same time with her. She wanted me to confide in her and tell her stuff I wouldn't tell mom.
    Last month I had enough of her nonsense as she crossed a line! I told her I was expecting and she asked me if I had already told my mom. I had. She was furious and did not even express joy! Now I keep my distance from her. If she complains too much about me spending more time talking to mom than her I shrug and say "mom is mom afterall no one can take her place!"
     
  6. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    How can a mil think tht a dil wil be closer to her than her own mom!??? This is beyond me!! Have they done anything gud for the dil to even expect that!! My mil is like tht, i spent like 2 hrs extra after my marriage with my mom n she was furious! I adked my mom to get me bindis bcz i had lost my bag in the luggage exchange, n my mil was mad at me for not asking her n asking my mom! Wth!!
     
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  7. Alildream

    Alildream Gold IL'ite

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    Mind you, this is not applicable to her dd! Her daughter has to be closer to her than her own mil. My mil had a big fight with sil's mil because she had asked sil to call her ma. At that time mil had screamed that no one can replace a mother! What double standards :rant
    Also remember for mil, dd is superior than dil. When her dd comes home, she showers her with gifts and what not but not when dil comes for a visit! For a mil, dil is nothing but DS (dear slave)
     
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  8. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    So true !! Double standards !!
     
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  9. Joyoflife

    Joyoflife Gold IL'ite

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    Welcome to the la la land of indian marriage. Way to go and a lot to learn. You have been given wonderful advise follow that. People can push you only if you allow them to. be strong, take charge of your self. Do not let emotions like anger, self pity rule your life.
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2014
  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Tell your husband to make a rule...your mil will not discuss your mother no matter what.Tell your mom not to get in touch with mil.If she brings up the topic of your mom...just move out of the room. If she can't respect your mom...then there is no reason why you should have to respect her while she is insulting yours.
     
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