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sick of my hypocritical and old fashioned in laws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by freebird123, Nov 17, 2011.

  1. freebird123

    freebird123 New IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,

    I dont know what to make of my problem. As for my background, my Husband and myself are living alone away from my in laws. Both of us are working and have a really good relationship. My in-laws live in a very small town and have had their upbringing in villages. To them, everything that we do and enjoy is a blasphemy. For example, during the days when they come home, eating restaurant food, take-aways is a big no-no and and on top of it, u get to hear lectures about the ills of such foods in the most non-scientific ways possible (even though they may be having food rich in saturated fatty acids..with ghee et al..).

    When they come home, we have to put away all the objectionable items in the house like alcoholic drinks, eggs, photographs taken prior to marriage, clothes that I am comfortable in (shorts, skirts, jeans and even t-shirts!). What is worse is that my husband supports this! I dont understand the big deal about telling your parents that you eat eggs or my wife is more comfortable in a jeans!! and he likes to sit with them all the time like a baby boy listening to their discourses. Its true that they dont explicitly do anything against me but their behaviour is enough for making me not want to go home from work. They expect me to cook dinner when I get back from work (my mil helps though) but when my mom was over she used to finish cooking dinner even before I reached home.

    This time around, they got guests over with them and we have become homeless in our own house. There are two rooms in which they stay and we are relegated to the living room. We cant live a life of our own with them (my H doesnt want to either, when they are there- he just wants them to be happy). Cant call friends over, cant watch movies or TV channels of our choice (coz english channels 'bherry obscene'), cant have the food we like, cant wear what I would like to, touch their feet every morning.....I just have to keep multitasking and listening to their 'pearls of wisdom'. And, did I tell you, they impose religion on me??...

    This is not all, they are an unhappy lot, depressed if I should say it. They send msgs thru sil to my H that how unhappy they are without him and how he has taken a job so far away and they are deprived of our company. My H takes a lot of tension over all this which comes in way of our happiness and relationship but they dont seem to bother. They believe that they have sacrificed a lot for their kids so it must be paid back. My H feels guilty all the time so he copes up by sending a lot of money to them every month. My mil even threw emotional tantrums and used emotional blackmailing on my H when he came to visit me for 2 days after a gap of 8 months before marriage. Both of them made him feel so guilty and you cant imagine my sadness over it. Its been 2 years but I still rue over it. Infact, they used to stop talking to him everytime we met before marriage. To them having a relationship before marriage was a crime. We suffered then and I can never forgive them for that.

    To some of you it may seem a short-lived or a transient problem but believe me, it is not. It is getting entrenched within and because this is something I cant have an open confrontation about (coz everything seems so fine superficially) I am becoming a sadder person day-by-day.
    It is great to be venting it out, though I feel its only 10 percent that I have mentioned here..
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2011
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  2. resmij

    resmij Silver IL'ite

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    my hubby too, same thing ..
    mummi ka chamcha hei..
    she treats him like an infant/ todler..makes him do whatever she wants .. for shopping too. whatever the sil's kids says she makes him buy.if i ask for som ethin she points out the cost of the material that i may have asked..
    i feel suffocated.. no freedom for me..
    i have to go hanbd in hand with that one.:drowning
    and no pint in telling this to my husband
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2011
  3. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    It's the sad reality. In a free democratic country, a woman in DIL's role neither has freedom nor equal rights.
     
  4. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    ur IL's are old people and they were in that tradition for quite long so it is really dificult to change them.its quite natural for old people to prefer their son staying with them as it gives a sense of security for them.So there is no use frustrating over their habits it would be better to ignore them and live your life.
     
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  5. cpanda

    cpanda New IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I know what you are talking about. But you need to understand that no matter what you do you can never change ur in-laws beliefs and habits. That will die with them. Whenever you will try to change them they will create a scene or be angry on you. Its a vicious cycle. And your husband will be sandwiched. It happens in every house.

    Best thing you can do is. Ignore them and try to stay clear of what they hate to avoid confrontations. SOnce you live in US you can be normal for most of the time when they are away. Try to get them accustomed to everything that you love one by one slowly as they get to know you. Don't confront them.

    Also don't bring ur husband in this equation as he willget very depressed and because men don't express themselves very well, he may suffer silently.

    Try to support your husband who is important for you. Try to adjust to ur in-laws ways as they won't be with you long, right.

    If you treat them well and make some effort for that, then your family will feel proud about it later. No point punching a wall right?

    take care and think about all this clearly. You will find a way out.
     
  6. raji2678

    raji2678 Gold IL'ite

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    Since they are visiting for a short time, try to make them comfortable. See the good qualities in them, as well.
     
  7. freebird123

    freebird123 New IL'ite

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    Hey Thanks all of you. I am much better today, realizing that I am not the only one in such a situation. May be a vent-out was what I needed..:)
     

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