Sibling rivalry - Help me

Amitha · May 2, 2010

DS1 is definitely soft, calm and it has always been very easy to manage him. He is a sweetheart. DS2 is very active - wants everything that DS1 takes, wants to sit in the same place as where DS1 sits, even if DS1 just sits quietly, he will go behind, do all sorts of things to trouble him.

I usually get 2 hours of uninterrupted time with DS1 after school, when DS2 is sleeping. we have talks about his school, teacher, etc., And sometimes, he does express that he is unhappy with DS2's behaviour (voluntarily without being probed into the matter). This is why I'm trying to fix the situation.

If I hug DS1, kiss him or if he tries to sleep on my lap, immediately DS2 will come to me and try to get my attention towards him. It is as if he is always competing with DS1.

DS1 does his own share of things to create more problems like what you said. Quietly troubling DS2, irritating him, etc., But these don't happen daily - it is mostly DS2's nature, that is the main source of problems here.

So I'm always on a constant watch to see what they are doing. The only thing that is working these days is when I say "please don't do this", "please give it to anna" basically I've learnt to use a lot of "please" these days .

Shanvy said: ↑

now coming to your issue, no two children are the same. agreed your ds2 appears to be more aggressive, but maybe you are feeling/giving it more importance as Ds1 was calm? think both are two different individuals.

have you supported DS1 infront DS2. like you feel that you are giving ds2 more time, and go and hug your ds1 in front of ds2. some kids are too possessive at the 2's and 3', that they cannot reason out that it is their brother or sister.

There is another perspective..does ds1 react to what ds2 does. From the outside ds1 maybe calm, but do observe his reactions too. sometimes, these calm ones know how to tackle themselves and hurting the other emotionally or ribbing them so much that they are forced to show their aggression in other ways. This i tell you from my personal experience.

will join you later.
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tikka · May 2, 2010

Amitha, that sounds like most younger siblings to me. I bet I did the same things to my sister till I became a middle child and my DH says his younger brother was also exactly the same, constantly needy and trying to get the parents' attention all the time because they have to share it with another kid.
DH's younger sibling grew up that way, needs to compete with his older brother even now, my MIL calls him a needy, clingy child. To me little has changed even now. Some of their fights now is cerebral - whether a tropical forest is evergreen or deciduous or should you believe what left news sites have to say about Israeli aggression. Trust me, this got them all hot and bothered the last time they met I thought DH's younger brother will box DH's ears because DH also has his way of needling his younger brother for all the appearance of aggrieved innocence ;-)
Have you heard of "Siblings Without Rivalry" by Adele Farber. It is on my wishlist when we end up adopting. I think the kind of rivalry you are talking about is more common with siblings of the same gender.

vjbunny · May 28, 2012

Hi...
I would like to add this thread here for some more inputs on sibling rivalry
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/toddlers/39145-sibling-rivalry-does-your-older.html#post455431

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