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Should Wife Give/share Her Salary With Husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sumalynux, Sep 25, 2017.

  1. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    I understand and agree wife can contribute her salary to family.. But I don't think it's "Must" and should do based on need.

    We had potluck Friday, there were around 10 ladies.. Chatting n discussion lead to

    1 lady : For last trip to India I had to request my dh to give dollars to buy gift for parents

    Lady 2: Me too, I hate asking him money to buy gift it leads to argument. He spends for his people, when I ask fight starts..

    Most of ladies talks were in this lines. They were h4. There was 2 working ladies too. Even they said all there salary is given to dh or either a joint account kind n can't take much to spend for themselves or for parents/relatives..

    I said till date I haven't gave single penny to dh he takes care of complete expense,(I have given few lakhs when he ran short of money, but made it point to collect it from him once he recovered n had savings) And n in india while I was working he used to pay for auto if I miss cab, buy cosmetics, dresses too n even recharge my cellphone... I just sponsored for couple of international trips n shared infertility treatment expense (11lakhs)

    All of them were I was lying or some said it's selfish to not contribute on "day to day expense". REALLY does wife need to give her salary n let dh handle all finance? And "ask" dh for her expense..(Good I didn't tell them I manage my dh salary n complete finance of house)

    I agree one rule doesn't work for all couple. But it made me wonder I knew my ex colleagues gave 30% 50% n some even 100% salary to dh..

    I now have fixed fd in my name, which fetch me income n as backup.. N I always pay for little gifts I buy my parents n relatives no need 2 ask him.
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2017
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  2. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    I don't give my salary. But here is how my mom advised me and it makes a lot of sense as i grow older. After marriage there is no "I" , it is always "WE". My dh never asked me for salary. But he will say no if he cannot afford anything beyond his salary and savings.

    When we were buying a house, i gave my all savings without even thinking about.

    So you are perfectly ok, as long as you think your family is more important than anything. and you know you are willing to let of money when the real need is.

    you are lucky not to get in
    stupid money fights,.
     
  3. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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  4. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, First of all no same rule applies to all couples. Rules are meant to imposed by couple themselves and not forced. Your setup is fine in your family. Don't rock the boat listening to ignorant friends. They may be jealous and trying to show their superiority by showing your method down. No 2 marriages work the same. Chances are their husbands have been imposing the finance rules and these ladies have been following to keep peace . Don't let them influence you. Your marriage is good to you and it works. That's whats important not he said she said. People will tell 100 things . Many women will be envious of you. Its a nice situation to be in . Good Luck.
     
  5. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I believe that each family runs on their own rules, and they work out somehow. In my own case, my husband expects me to hand over the money, but I don't and maintain a separate account. I don't mind paying the mortgage or childcare, but I am never going to give him power over HOW I spend the money. Personally, I think this keeps the money issues out of the relationship, and in theory, should help to maintain the household peace. I think it's ridiculous that woman have to beg to use money for themselves and their parents. It's ridiculous, because even as housewives, we end up completing work that, if we weren't there, would cost a lot more money to complete on a regular basis.

    Anyway, don't feel bad about what you are doing. You're husband isn't worried about your money, so why should you? It's actually advised that as a family, you should earn to live on a single income, and use the other income as savings. Depending on 2 incomes for financial security means that you are living beyond your means.
     
  6. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP, look like you are lucky to have a loving/understanding/caring husband like this. There is no 'me' or 'you' , you both think like 'we'. This transparency, trust and team spirit is important and you both are happy. May god bless you both.

    Please dont listen to other opinion on this. If the current setup works for you, then what is the problem. You both have to decide what works for your family. If both of you are happy, nothing to worry. Finance is a very delicate subject to handle. It is better not to discuss this issue, if not necessary.

    As long as couple's expense is much lower than income, many issues can be solved. If it matches or expense exceeds, lot of struggles and confusions are possible. If there is mutual trust between the couple, finance will be transparent. If not ,one have to hide facts/income in by leaving other confused state or will have lot of expectations. As long as your dh earns more than your expense it will be OK, if not he may naturally expect you to contribute or lower one own life standards.

    Some women are forced to give their salary, some share their salary by themselves(check IL forum). If there is mutual trust and understanding,if both think as a team, and if decisions are not forced up on, then there will be no issue. If not, for example , if the wife dont have freedom to spend on her expense or husband don't meet her expectations, anything can be an issue.

    If a husband spend lot of money on his expenses and his family and not allow his wife to do the same that can become a problem and vice versa. If wife earns more than husband, naturally he expect wife to spend. Many couples have common account where both contribute and manage their home or they share the total monthly expense by mutual understanding. But in some cases, husband wants wife's salary on common account and he don't allow her to spend even a penny without his permission.

    I have seen many homemakers who have to beg husband for everything. But in some cases their husband allow them to spend as much as they want. For example in USA, if a couple earns middle class income and if they own a home,mortgage, and have kids etc..both of have to contribute to meet expenses. So sharing income is a must to survive.

    Anyways, pl dont worry about what others think, just listen and don't take it to heart. What works for you may not work for others and vice versa.
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2017
  7. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @choclate I am not confused or worried if am wrong. And I already mentioned in my post different things work for different couple. I am just wondering what is common among couples and what is wife's view about her salary. Is she forced to give or gives on own.

    @BhumiBabe thanks for your views. This post is just to know what's general practice and a curiosity if really all women give dh sal n let them handle finance.

    @DDream my dh comes from working couple family. Both his parents were working. So he naturally expected me to have common account and both drop income there n spend from there.. Initially I had few incidents with his mom n I learnt it hard way to secure my money. Which helped me with good FD's as backup n of course which I would be spending on family (dh n D's). House Emi or other major expense I understand but I feel women should have her own account n saving n handle finance herself)

    Why this post was I was shocked to see some h4 women almost beg for buying gifts to parents. And give sal to dh and let them handle finance n stuff
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2017
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  8. Archanaanchan

    Archanaanchan IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP,
    i foresee 3 cases here:

    Ideal case:
    There is no rule that you have to give away your salary to your husband. I think when you are running a family its important not to think the money earned as 'earned by wife' or 'earned by husband'. when you make it two different entities you tend to count on everything n start comparing on whose spending how much of it. thinking it as one and thinking it as spending for your family would make the life more easier !! Family always runs on mutual understanding:)

    Trust husband and can share upon request:
    When you have enough trust on your husband(like you owe a good relationship ) and he asks you of sharing your salary for home management i don't really think its wrong to sharing instead of unnecessarily arguing or raising questions for arguments.

    No trust No sharing:
    There is definitely some thought process required if you are not in sink with your husband . Insecurity being the reason, you could decide to keep all that you earn for yourself and save your future.
     
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  9. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    I don't agree with you.. It's not at all about insecurity or save for "your" future.. What is your future, there is no individual future but family future...

    I am talking about "when you know to earn you know to spend/save" n not let dh handle finance for you.

    And most of women only thinks of family(dh n kids) n definitely spend/save for them..

    Here am talking about giving all financial control including your salary and "ask" dh for your n your parents expense/gift..

    Like financial transparency between couple, and obviously wife/spouse will pitch in for major expense like house/car Emi and higher education n stuff..

    Guess you got my post wrong .
     
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  10. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    A word of caution...study your situation/surroundings before handing off the paycheck to DH. Smartly have to gauge, how he will spend it?

    Generally advisable, save the salary towards major purchases and spend it towards investments.

    Personally, I get carried away when paying gifts to India and my DH is good in putting limits/restrictions. I usually listen to him. Probably, those ladies were talking about their limitations on purchases, not necessarily the approval.
     
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