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Should We Talk To Our Ex

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shama146, Aug 26, 2020.

  1. shama146

    shama146 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    I was into a very good and strong relationship with this guy for four years. We had planned everything for our future. He was really a good and caring boy, but unfortunately we couldn't get married due to difference in religion.

    It's been more than ten years and we are not in touch. I am married for eight years and my marriage is not a happy one. Now my ex is also married. This I saw in FB.

    He still has the same no. I really want to talk with him once. Not with any bad intentions. Just like talking with old buddies who were very close to us gives so much of happiness. Similarly I want to have a friendly talk with him. Is it ok ?

    One part of me says its fine, no issues as long as it's a normal chat. Most probably it will be a one time call. But I am a bit hesitant too... Shall I call him ?
     
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  2. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Finest Post Winner

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    NO! Big No. They are called EX for a reason.
    It didn't work out back then for a reason. Your call will only bring heartache and stir up emotions.
    May add to your unhappiness to your marriage.
    You will definitely walk the path of WHAT IF I MARRIED HIM...?? phase.

    My 2 cents- focus on now. Make new friends. LIVE IN NOW.
    Don't try to go back and try to re-live the "good moments".
    Make good moments NOW!
     
  3. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Don't do it. It is not worth it, even if your marriage is not a happy one. More unhappiness to you, even if you feel better after talking. Also, if it was a strong bong before you wont be able to stop talking to him or text him, dont make the connection that you once broke off. As always, married ex will never prefer you over his wife. You will be a third wheel, and it will be more heart ache then than it is now.
     
  4. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    Someone I know ventured into this terrain recently and the husband and wife are having a tough time along with their kid. They are fighting and the kid is caught in between. The wife's parents are miserable. Don't ever look outside because there is trouble at home. Look for what you lost where you lost it, not somewhere else.
     
  5. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Please don't bring your past into your present and spoil your future. Let him be part your memory, but not your present life it can create issues in his life too. So better move on and focus on your life.
     
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2020
    shama146 and Sreevidyaa like this.
  6. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Listen to your heart, but always with a pinch of salt/reality.

    It would be difficult to pass the days without taking that "one call" to know how your beloved "ex" is doing?
    That 'wanting to talk to him" would remain in your heart as long as you are alive, and disturb your happiness no matter what.

    But "taking that one call" has so much grey areas, only you know better!
    Possibly, it could be just to say hi...
    Could be just to relive the past
    Could be just to get his attention and affection back (since you are deprived of it now apparently)
    Could be just to know how he is doing in life
    Could be just to give him the warmth that you did not give 10 years back
    Could be just to brag about your present status
    Could be just to say sorry
    Could be just to clarify certain things that are still unresolved
    Could be just to take this relationship to a different direction - like a family friend/brother - not sure
    Could be anything else.....

    Just try to speak with your mind in silence... why do you want to take that one call?

    My ex - actually, he was not my ex, but I was his ex since it was his one side love story :(
    We were just friends, but very close friends back then. He was like a dear brother to me until I learned he had other ideas. Then I slowly detached from him since I was not ready for a relationship during that stage of my life then.

    We completely disconnected with each other for nearly 15 years or so. No news at all.
    Of course I missed him every now and then, since I don't have an elder brother - I missed his brotherly warmth that was so protective and caring back then.
    He must have missed me even more during all those while, but we never made an attempt to reconnect given our bitter past - the last day of our meeting!

    However, we got reconnected 5 years back through social media. He badly wanted to meet me for once.
    I decided to go and meet him with my family in a restaurant for dinner.
    That night completely changed him..... Changed the way he looked at me!!
    He was so happy to see me happily married with kids, and acting as a responsible mother!
    I was happy to learn that he is married too, with 2 young kids
    That was it....

    Now that, we rarely interact in social media.. Perhaps a hi or bye once in a while, a common birthday wish etc... no more whatsapp chat though we have each others' no.
    But the heart feels so relaxed. No more guilt feeling... No more heaviness.... But only those sweet memories remain
    But we are so busy with our present lives!

    I would suggest you to make this call/meeting the way I did.
    If your H knows him, then have him around. There is nothing that works after marriage if you exclude your spouse from it.
     
    pinkydarling and shama146 like this.
  7. shama146

    shama146 Gold IL'ite

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    Exactly, I also just want to talk to him only once, like close friends, nothing more.

    Will never meet him, coz he is in a different city. Also I don't intend to, even if he was nearby. Just want to call up to know about his current life. I have no intention to reignite any old things. Actually it brings happiness to talk with someone, who at one point was so close.

    I know after this one call, it will only be an occasional hi and bye. But I am feeling a bit guilty as I won't share this with my hubby. So I am a bit reluctant.
     
  8. Sreevidyaa

    Sreevidyaa Bronze IL'ite

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    No, don’t do it. If you aren’t able to discuss with your husband then it will cause problems in your marital life. If you are able to openly tell your husband about this then it might be a possibility but you have written you will not.

    Moreover the guy is married already and his wife might not like it either. If she comes to know about this he will distance himself from you. Mostly wives are possessive and she might not take it well. It will become a problem to him if his wife disagrees.

    Why spoil the current status quo? You might have more problems due to contacting him. More stress and can even give sadness. Past is past for a reason.
     
    pinkydarling, blindpup10 and shama146 like this.
  9. netflx

    netflx Silver IL'ite

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    You will ONLY CREATE more headache and drama. DONT do this at all. Otherwise few months/yrs later, guaranteed a complicated thread will be written by you here in this forum.
     
    shama146 likes this.
  10. Tubinbataye

    Tubinbataye New IL'ite

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    Hope you didn’t call him.already you’re saying your marriage is not a happy one. By doing this don’t make it a hell dear.
     
    pinkydarling and shama146 like this.

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