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should we forget our parents after marriage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by veni30, Jun 17, 2010.

  1. veni30

    veni30 New IL'ite

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    Hi everyone,

    I want somebody's opinion on this.

    My husband just hates my parents. not only my parents. he just hates everyone related to me. he finds one or the other way to blame them. whenever we have an arguement, he calls them and shouts, screems and curses them. he uses slang words and talks very bad. he blames as if they are the reason for everything. and also, he blackmails them that they should not let me know that he called them.

    he plays this double game with me and acts. i can't even beleive him. it happened many times that i completely lost my interest and value in him. I expected some decency and manners because he's educated. but, after marrying him, i came to know that not all educated people are decent.

    I had to fight with him for yrs to have my minimum needs like calling my parents when i want to , using internet without his permission, wearing the clothes i like, combing my hair as i like,...etc while arguing and fighting with him for the past 3 yrs, i completely lost my interest in him.

    Now, i'm in a situation that i don't even want to live with him anymore. first 6 yrs, i just compromised and thought that was my life. now, i got my wake up call. i can't bear him anymore. you think i'm wrong? should i just compromise and live with him for the rest of my life?
     
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  2. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    He is a JERK! Period.
    Now this - is a clear example where you can tell him you wont hesitate to walk away from him. Either he changes completely or you walk out. Period.

    Gosh! Really the jerk quota on IL threads is way too high today.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2010
  3. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    What a barbaric way to behave.
    Now that you have nothing to lose, you just have to give him an ultimatum saying that he should stop this habit once and for all or you are just leaving him. This sounds terrible. It is so hard to love or respect someone who behaves like an animal.

    Seriously you dont deserve this life, you deserve something good. Seen that your husband is such an indecent man, your family will surely support you in your decision.
    good luck
     
  4. coolphani

    coolphani Bronze IL'ite

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    Veni,

    I believe you waiting for him to change for 6 yrs is a pretty long time ....

    My DH is the same....He was pretty rude to my parents when they were here visiting me for 2 months. He threatened to divorce me because I don't cook everyday and don't agree with him on everything. My monster-in-laws too bad-mouthed them. It's not like my Dad is feeding off his daughter like a parasite they were visiting me because I needed emotional support. In fact my Dad paid for his own flight tickets and his shopping for gifts here.My Inlaws pretty much stay in their daughter's place. Whenever we get into an argument my DH starts abusing my parents.

    Well, I had enough..I told him if he doesn't tone down a little bit he can walk away or I will...He hasn't completely turned around but I see him toning down a little ...Whenever he uses foul language I calmly tell him..what if I say the same things regarding your parents...That shuts him up partially...He never pays for any of my expenses...So he doesn't control my life...He tried and we did fight for 2 long years and after that I started ignoring him...

    You need to talk to your DH - How about telling him you'll forget your parents if he'll forget his??:biglaugh
     
  5. shivachoubey

    shivachoubey IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,

    You deserve a better life. Just ask him to behave himself and if he does not then walk out of the marriage.

    All the best.

    regards
     
  6. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Veni, I was not able to convinnce myself what I am reading, he calls your parents when you have argument and blames them for the turbulence in marriage. And he even blackmails them....Moreover he just does not talk but shout, scream bla bla...

    I do not want to start my story but my wife did exactly same last time we had a big fight :), she called my mother and threatened us ,some people want to vent out and hurt others not worrying about consequences and later pretend they did it in fit of rage

    Well, he has no right whatsoever to stop you from calling your parents, its your birth right , yes if parents are causing problems in marriage one has to be vigiliant and not have a blind faith that they are my parents and I have to listen to them or I cannot tell them anything. If that is not the case then no one can actually ask anyone to stop calling. Even in jail there is liberty to meet and talk to who one wants to on time to time basis

    No, you should NEVER comproise your basic freedom to live with such guy, why do you have to do that. .Even the most meekest will stand up one day to atrocities if they are not reasonable..You are a human , a woman, you have all the rights, priviledges, and he is no one to control you as a human..

    All that you have mentioned(taking permission to call, to dress, hair style, and what not) if this is really true and not some kind of exaggaration then to me it is nothing but a complete control freak . This is infringing on your basic right of living dear... Wake up,fight it out.. Live your life....

     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2010
  7. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    The problem is marriage cannot be really lived or continued based on threats, that is not an ideal situation. One may get scared and shun some ways. But given what OP has said, it looks more of the personality problem, a complete control freak . Threatening may work somewhat, but then to what extent and how long no guarantee. Also she has to be careful before she using seperation as a weapon

    Looking at this guy he may throw tantrums and again call her parents accusing them of instigating her for seperation... Good God what is wrong with some men, when they get such good wives, they dont value and cause unnecessary problems due to their personalities.

    It looks OP's husband does not love her, there is too much hatred both ways and it seems the going is getting tougher day by day. If one keeps living in a situation where love has faded, hatred has out firm footing and one cannot really see onself what he or she is doing wrong, then God save such relations...

     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2010
  8. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Tridev

    I guess its not about whether husband loves her or not!! He might as well say this is his way of showing love towards his wife (i.e controlling what she does...)cant he say that?? who will say such words?? emotional and mental abusers!!!!They want tehir victim in their control. And also...I guess Venis husband thinks that her parents are instigating or filling her ears behind his back, and thats why she keeps asking to call parents, might be he is scared or insecured and has inferiority complex , such people always tend to worry what others talk behind their backs. Even if there is no talk about them, they want to totally cut out those conversations with those people whom they dont trust. So here thehusband doesnt like wifes parents! so he doesnt want her to talk to them..he is scared she will tell them his drawbacks..she may/maynot share but still he doesnt want to take a chance. And anytime he is frustrated, he calls Venis parents as he wants to show her that he knows who is instigating her (again his assumption)
     
  9. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    Veni

    To answer your question, "No...We should never forget our parents before/during/after marriage"
    I am sorry to hear about your problems. You are a real patient person to put up with such behavior for 6 years!! It is definitely indecent on your husband's part to abuse your parents for whatever reason.
    Why does he need to call your parents anyway....u are not a kid! and controlling your dressing sounds really highschoolish
    You definitely deserve better.
     
  10. Gem_in_i

    Gem_in_i New IL'ite

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    You certainly have a lot of patience or is it tht you have no other options?

    Never forget your parents .
     

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