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Should We Call Or Not????

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sasha17, Apr 14, 2016.

  1. sasha17

    sasha17 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    I really need input from you all regarding the distress i am going to mention below. This is about a person called Mrs.X

    She has been married for more than two years. Both are not in sync and have been fighting always for all small reasons, then every time X used to go back to convince him whether its his/her mistake. He tells every time that he is full of EGO and X cannot expect him to come back even if its his mistake. So X has convinced herself even though he hits her sometimes. Now that there is some problem between X family and him, he blames her even and talking full bad about X family always. Last week she had some big fight with him and she told him and left for her mom;s home.

    Its been more than a week, so far X dint even receive a call or message from her husband and her in-laws too (Though she called up her in-laws last week and informed them she is not well and she s n mom home they didn't tell anything, they are aware of these issues between them in the past one n half year but they also dint call her so far even to inquire about her health condition too).

    Her husband always abuses her even for small issues. Never takes her out. Never gives her a ride even if its getting late for her office. Always calculates money even though he is getting paid more. HE takes her out only if he goes out of country so for his shopping he takes her out. Like this many things when she asks him, why cant u do these stuffs ? he replies lik Life s not a cinema and you cant expect the same in life too. so i am not someone who does the cinematic dialogues lik I Love u etc..

    when i heard all these (Not only this issue there are many issues she has shared personally to me) , i suggested her not to call her husband. Let him come back to her home and explain things.

    I gave this advice out of friendship and i know what she is been going through. Please tell us what can be done.

    The biggest disappointment for her is even her in-laws didn't call and when her mom went and asked his parents why your son is doing like this? they simply told if u want divorce , GET and GO like that.

    Please advise.

    Sincerely,
    sasha
     
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  2. maya9876

    maya9876 Silver IL'ite

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    @sasha17

    I dont understand what your friend wants..

    Your friends husband beats her, disrespects her family, ill-treats her...So she leaves him for her moms place and now she wants him to come to her and ask her to return? He has clearly stated his stance on this - hes egoistic, he is not gonna run behind her. She knew this very well when she left for her moms place.

    Her inlaws not calling n inquiring about her etc needs to be ignored as its quiet common 'inlaw behavior' especially in a stormy marriage.

    If you friend wants to live with the wife beater then Im afraid she has no choice but to move back with him on her own instead of expecting him to beg her.

    Ofcourse, the sound advice would be to leave him, be independent financially, not expect his call or his family's calls, give it a few months to see if he makes any real efforts if not apply for divorce. Better to live on our own instead of living with a disrespectful wife beater.
     
    guesshoo and bruised234 like this.
  3. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    Your friend took a very big step by coming out. Tell me one thing, is she and her husband living out of India? Then there is nothing new about this story. I can't understand why your friend depended on her husband to drop her to office. If she goes back now and asks him for forgiveness, he may take her back but her life will be no better than what it was earlier. Her in-laws sound extremely egoistic to me and they are clearly uninterested in having her as a family member. Looks like she was unwelcome to begin with. It is up to her to take a decision. She should know what is better for her. None of the decisions she can take are easy, they all carry the same risk. If she goes back, she will have to live with double the determination and half the support, if she walks out, she will have to treat life afresh and try to forget the past. Nobody can advice her. But as the previous poster said, she should not expect her husband to call back. It won't happen and this will not solve her problems. When she walked out, she should have known she was taking the risk of walking out forever.
     
  4. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    Whatever you have described is something I have seen in many cases nowadays. Behaving as though wife is a big liability, as though it is donating to charity to meet her expenses, this is such a common sight. The only time when she is not treated like that is when the husband is not confident enough that he will find a better option or if she is powerful enough to call the shots. Most marriages I have seen are love marriages where the assessment before took place the marriage and that is where wife and husband are happy. The rest of them, the couple are lucky, and the wife has compromised to a good extent. Not that I think it is a good situation. But that is how life is nowadays. Very few cases are there where a wife is treated fair and square and with some respect. If X thinks she cannot live like that, she should walk out. Or else she should swallow all her self-respect,pride and go back and ask him for forgiveness. If she thinks that it is worth that trouble, she should do it, if not, divorce him and start leading a new life.
     
    Cool10 likes this.
  5. Gladimeir15

    Gladimeir15 Junior IL'ite

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    Its not rightful to continually stick with a man ho beats you and do things that degrades you as a woman and as a person with feelings. Its obvious that Mrs X loves her husband that much, shes been hurt physically, mentally and emotionally and still he wants to be back to his husband. Sasha, as a friend to her you can help her by making her realize all the things that her husband has done to her and that she has a lot of choice to make her life better than being with her husband, make her weigh things let her decide since its her family life BUT as a good friend all you can do is to guide her to the reality, its her to decide then.
     
  6. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, Your friend is enabling her husband's abuse and neglect. How is she reforming him if she keeps going back. Why the call to in laws. By now she must have known the neglect and abuse to some extent is trickling over from older generation. If she is not having child cut him off asap. Even with child its not healthy for the kid. What make her go back? Don't tell me she is scared of society. If she is then look at the first woman in India who filed for divorce. Abuse and neglect if fed consistently will only escalate.This all will work if she wants to make a change. Otherwise its a futile exercise . Good Luck.
     

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