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Should we be cautious in our dressing sense after marriage ??

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shilpapriya, Jan 27, 2009.

  1. shilpapriya

    shilpapriya New IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    I have just entered into a newly married life, evrything is going good on Fine note :).But my only problem is my Hubby is over precautious about my Dressing Sense.
    He mostly says Do n Donts all the time.
    For Eg : Do not wear Nighties at home
    Do cover cover ur self with duppata all the time.
    Do not be too fashionable.
    I'm a normal girl coming from normal family, of course i dont wear sleveless and all stuff.He is complaning for this normal attire, wht bothers me most is he is accepting his sister in all attires , she wears nighties, jeans , knee length skirts sleeveless and wht nots.
    y is he trying to b over protective like this.
    Is he trying to b too much cautios or is this symtom a sign of somethin else.
    Can anybody help me to solve this issue without hurting my dear hubby :)

    Thanks
    Shilpa Priya
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2009
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  2. sandu

    sandu Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Shilpapriya,
    Your husband's behavior is quizzical to me... Why don't you ask him what he finds wrong with your dresses... to me it seems really normal. Do you both live alone or with your in-laws? Some people feel that when you live with elders, you must wear churidhars with dupatta or saris only... unless your are ill or something. This happens in several houses & you must get adjusted to it. Is your sil living separately or in the same house? Funny that your husband finds her dresses ok... But you see, he looks at you in a different angle than his sister. Do you have some nosey neighbors or servants? May be thats a reason he wants you to be so decently-dressed always... It's best to talk to him openly about this & ask him what's bothering him. Be casual in your conversation; tell him that you don't understand his fears.

    Cheers,
    Sandhya
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2009
  3. scorpiogal

    scorpiogal Senior IL'ite

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    Hi

    MY DH is also very particular about this and I had the same trouble with my SIL who was almost the same age as me and 2 sizes bigger than me and sometimes she looked really bad in western wear .But I didn't argue with him as I know i was the eldest DIL and be role model and MY DH use to restrict her as well but she would not listen and DH was very dominating with me and ver particular too so i just followed though it itrritates me sometimes but now gpot used to it as its not big deal to me .

    But yes the restirction will be very much more during the initial times but please talk to him if it bothers u so much .

    Just insist but please don't put a fight over this
     
  4. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    We shud not lose our individuality as much as we can. My husband was restrictive initially after our marriage. His sister is many yrs elder to him but she wears sleeveless to jeans. But my husband didnt want me to do the same. I did listen to him for about 6 months. Then it was going nowhere and I looked like a gawar in get togethers.Then I firmly told him I cant do it and started wearing what I like. Of course that was in reasonable limits like skirts,sleeveless,jeans.I did tell him I will dress in salwars or sarees when with in laws. He understood and it worked.
    You need to be firm and tell your husband how you want to dress. Sometimes it just takes that.Good Luck.
     
  5. SoaringSpirit

    SoaringSpirit Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Shilpapriya,

    Please do not hold negative notions about your husband.

    May be he has a good reason to suggest you so or may be he does not.

    So immediately do away with the comparison about why he tells only you and why not your SIL from your mind. The mind has a great ability to turn a small negative thought into a full blown negativity in a very short span of time.

    Instead like everyone here suggested, simply ask him nicely wabout what is it that he does not like in your dressing and dresses. Don't question him and do not sound upset or offended. Instead sound curious and concerned. Tell him that you are fine with most any type of dressing and that you would surely enjoy wearing what he likes you to too. So you just want to know.

    Everyone has a preference and his may be different than yours. So just try to strike a middle ground for now and slowly work on changing things.

    A reasonable attitude towards your husband's thoughts peppered with care and concern will help you a lot in the long run. It is my observation that most people are willing to work with you if you have this kind of attitude. Of course, there are always exceptions.

    Good luck.
    SS
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Two points:

    1. A man will have a different set of views when it comes to his wife. I see nothing wrong with it. Do not compare yourself with your SIL. She is his sister and does not need to take his wishes into account when dressing up. He is your husband, and you do need to keep in mind his tastes as much as you can without totally changing your tastes at the same time.

    2. Were you aware of his views on this before marriage? Did he come across as a bit orthodox in this matter? If you were aware of where he stands on this before marriage, then you owe it to him to follow what asks. If you didn't know his views on this, then, you may want to slowly start discussing other things too, so that you both get to know each other better before those things become an issue, like this seems to have, even if in a small way.
     
  7. jasminerule

    jasminerule Junior IL'ite

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    I also dress more conservatively after marriage, at first, I always fight with my husband when he asked me to dress nicely. Gradually, I do understand his point of view, our married friends always look down on married women who do not cover themselves, they always say "what kind of husband let their wives get out of the house like that". I do not believe in individualism when it has to be compromised with your self-respect.

    We once hosted a party at our house, two of our married friend wore T-shirt that their boobs practically bursting out of their shirts and the other wore such low-rise jean that her butt were seen every time she bent down. Our married guy friend later told us that they were so embarrassed for the two women who dressing like that.

    So please hear your husband out and do not compare yourself to your SIL. Remember you are "his clothing", how you dress and behave will affect your reputation, your dignity and your family as well. Know the difference between elegance, sophistication and provocation. Think about Jacquelyn Kennedy.

    If you love wearing skirt pick long skirt, pick trouser jeans they are comfortable, stylish, fashionable yet not too revealing and the best part they do not expose your butt :). And if you love to wear short skirt try to pair it with a pair of jeans, high heel and a couple of bangles. You still look stylish and gain a hell lot of respect for yourself, your family.

    Good luck :thumbsup
     
  8. shilpapriya

    shilpapriya New IL'ite

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    Hi
    Thanks all for your helpful replies.

    Yeah , Initially it shall take time to understand each other on evry perspective.It can be either dressing sense or living sense.

    Well I have decided to dress even more elegantly and look even more gracious for him beside not forgetting his rules :) ,It took time for me to understand all this, but the social moving with his family members made me understand a lot .

    Thanks All for your beautiful responses .
    Love All Indusladies :)

    Shilpa Priya.
     
  9. roopadadia

    roopadadia Silver IL'ite

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    Dressing is something that you need to carry it off well on you...then whatever you wear oozes elegance and sophistication and not vulgarity.

    We should be cautious in our dressing sense not just after marriage but before marriage too, otherwise we tend to attract unnecessary attention as well as criticism.

    Also, be careful in choosing comfortable clothes...don't wear clothes which are bursting at the seams.

    Along with the clothes our body language too counts. So be careful how you behave and portray in public.
     
  10. MrsV

    MrsV Bronze IL'ite

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    I think before and after marriage, your style should reflect you as long as it is not vulgur. My dressing style, has not changed much but I do keep in mind what I wear and how I come across especially if I am with my parents and especially DH's parents.

    I live in NY, so I am always in "western" wear, I know DH is modest, so I am more aware of what he percieves to be stylish and work with that. He has no issues with me wearing sleeveless or tanks, nothing, as long as long as everything looks decent and not vulgur.

    A family friend of ours, she got married last year and she used wear salwar kameez all the time and post marriage, it was a 180 change! She would wear capris and jeans and what not, reason being her husband wanted her in western clothes because his mom always wears salwar. Big Laugh
     

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