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Should Parent Knock On Child's Door Before Entering?

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Rihana, Mar 31, 2021.

  1. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:But then, there are cases where child doesn't seek separate room at all.
    Even some kids insist to sleep only with parents in their room. That is another type of dharmasankad for parents!
     
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  2. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    agree

    Another perspective- parents should always knock because the kids maybe changing clothes etc . Parents need to teach children boundaries and privacy- because it also protects children from predators outside when kids understand concept of privacy and boundaries at a young age. Now that many mothers are working, and kids are left at daycare etc and many incidents are coming to light . it is very important for a kid to have a strong sense of self and body-privacy .

    Knocking on teenagers' door is an absolute must. !!

    It can be highly traumatic for a teenager to have parents enter when changing clothes etc .
    If we refuse to knock on teenagers' door, they will lose their sense of autonomy and privacy , and also fall prey to grooming easily.

    Teenagers should be allowed to lock their doors from inside as they wish - unless they have friends over- in that case door should not be locked.
     
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  3. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Depends on the age..
    If the child has attained puberty or close to attaining puberty, the definitely knock or call out before opening door...
    Smaller kids in primary or middle school shouldn’t be allowed to close their room doors at all, unless changing clothes .
    An average of 10 to 12 years depending on the maturity level of the kid is when maybe parents can start knocking or calling out before entering the room..
    Similarly kids need to knock if entering room of parents when it’s closed..
    Also ,they can be told to not keep the door closed all the time , unless studying or sleeping or working in assignments or sleeping.
    I can imagine how irritating it can be if the parent is continuously knocking and calling out to the teenage son or daughter from outside the close door door..and the teen doesn’t not hear or respond as he or she is watching a movie or video on their laptop with earphones plugged now in.
    Definitely it’s very irritating for kids if parents do not respect privacy and open the door and barge in, especially as their bodies go through so many changes and they would feel uncomfortable.
     
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  4. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    I have my 10 yr old shut the door even now when she is changing or if she is taking her music class or math class over zoom etc., but never lock the door. I will maybe knock to announce that I am going in, but will definitely not wait for them to give me "permission" to enter their room, if we ever get to a point of giving them their own room. The rules in my home are that there is no concept of "this is my space, that is your space". It is similar for my older nephews/nieces/friends' kids growing up here in the US and I find none of the kids psychologically stunted or anything.

    I have friends here in the Bay Area who live in small apartments because they cannot afford to buy a home in the school districts of their choice, and the spaces are such that you really cannot have assigned rooms, as you can imagine. Those kids are as healthy as any other child I have met.

    And this is not to say that I will just burst into any closed door. Knocking and entering may be something that happens organically, naturally. I won't definitely have rules or policies that or set expectations that rooms WILL BE entered into only after knocking or seeking permission.

    So in my very, very personal opinion, it is not necessary to have to knock on your child's room before entering.
     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice to read the many view points.

    My general take on the topic:
    Parents should do what they think is right for their family. As far as possible, any protocols or practices should happen "naturally" or "organically" as mentioned in a post above. This applies not only to the door knocking thing, but to other situations in parenting.

    My daughter had a friend. That girl's brother was 6 or 7 years older. I remember that for a while, I said no to my daughter going over to their house during summer vacation afternoons with no parent at home. My family found my logic very amusing and old-fashioned etc., but that mother surprised me by saying I was not the first parent with such reservations. Once the girls entered high school, and turned 15 or 16, it was again OK with me. My instincts would not let me trust my 12 year old being around a 19 year old in unsupervised setting. The few years between 12 and 15 or 16 makes a difference. The point is that as parents it works better if we can follow what comes naturally to us, while being open to the need to change sometimes.
     
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