1. Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

should newborn sleep alone?

Discussion in 'Post Pregnancy Care' started by newlife2010, Mar 9, 2010.

  1. newlife2010

    newlife2010 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi guys. I am very confused over this issue if I should arrange for a crib for my baby after the delivery?I get to hear all conflicting information.some people are saying that babies would never sleep in the crip,so eventually it is useless.others are saying that we should use crib from the very beginning so that the baby gets used to the arrangement in the first place.One of my friend is suggesting that since we have a big bedroom and also a spare bed in another room, in place of buying a crip, we can bring the bed and set it next to our bed and make a separate bed arrangement for our baby. that way the baby would be in the same room, won't feel confined like being in crib and will have a separate bed.
    Is it really a good idea?Please experienced mom, share your experience and suggest me what to do?
    My SIL told us that crib or separate arrangements are not good for babies as they will grow up with the fear and insecurity if they are made to sleep alone.so accodring to the lady all indian babies in India are mentally strong :bonkand babies in the west have some anxiety syndrome or so.Have anyone heard anything like this?

    When I was growing up, I used to sleep with my parents for so many years just because my mom was too caring and protective and I never got the habit of sleeping alone ,specially at night with the lights off.I don't want to do the same to my baby.So I am very anxioous to make it the right way for my baby.I was literally scared and uncomfortable to sleep alone in any relatives place or if I have to stay elsewhere.:bonk:bonk
    Please suggest me something...
    Thanks
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2010
    Loading...

  2. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,735
    Likes Received:
    11,639
    Trophy Points:
    445
    Gender:
    Female
    This is an issue that you need to work out with your husband. If your mother's intuition tells you to keep your baby right next to you then go for it. Don't worry about what the doc or your friends and their friends think. But if you are worried about the baby's safety while sleeping with you then the crib is the only choice. Though you can put it in your own room instead of a separate one.

    Personally I am a very strong advocate for co-sleeping and my own first hand experience has further strengthened my belief. But there are scenarios when a baby might be safer sleeping away from the parents. If you are on any strong medication or if you have a habit of taking wine etc. with your meals, that can seriously impair your ability to be aware of your baby's presence while sleeping and can endanger the child. If you sleep in a bed with lots of pillows and heavy quilts and comforters, that too can create an unsafe sleep environment. But with the right precautions not only is it perfectly safe to sleep next to your baby but it has many benefits for both mother and child.

    Mothers and babies who co-sleep experience what is known as synchronous arousals which means that when the baby stirs, the mom's sleep state also undergoes a similar change without either of them waking up. The mother's breathing calms the baby and regulates the baby's breathing too. The mother's body heat is very beneficial for a newborn whose tiny little body loses heat very quickly. Breastfeeding is also much simpler when you co-sleep. As a newborn my son would wake up every 2 hours to nurse but I don't remember waking up at all. In a semi-sleep state I would bring him closer and let him latch-on and go right back to sleep. I have heard so many moms complain that they didn't get a single night of good sleep when their babies were newborns. But, I can only remember a handful of such nights in the last 22 months.

    All the science aside, co-sleeping intuitively feels like the right choice IMO. Where do you think babies have slept during the past 2 million years of human evolution...right next to their mothers. If sleeping next to parents was hazardous don't you think children would have evolved to start walking right after birth so that could sleep 20 feet from their parents in order to sleep safely! Did I tell you I have a strong opinion on this subject? :mrgreen:

    You know your constraints better than anyone here and you should make a decision based on what works best for you.
     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2010
  3. BeeAmma

    BeeAmma Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,263
    Likes Received:
    33
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    It is a beautiful feeling to hold the little one next to you, I personally recommend it. :thumbsup

    I think kids want to be cuddled and need the physical touch. JMO

    It does reduce the privacy between the couple though.
     
  4. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,838
    Likes Received:
    2,573
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Newlife

    It is wonderful that so many people in your life are weighing in with their opinions, but you have to look at each view critically. For example, if you are given advice like the quote above, you should be able to see that it isn't very sound. You want to carefully and intelligently consider everything you hear.

    I think different things work for different families, and this holds true for all aspects of child-rearing. I'm reluctant to advocate one or the other thing to other mothers based on my own experience. What works for someone else may not work for you. Each person, whether a published expert or your neighbour/relative, often has vastly different things to say on a topic. Even all doctors don't always agree on what is right.

    In fact, different children in the same family may have different needs. So, educate yourself about all your options, and then see what works for you, your baby, and your husband. Relax, and trust your instincts. Guard against allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by the many strong opinions that have been thrust upon you. Your confusion is going to make it more difficult for you to make the right decisions - and you're going to have to make lots and lots of decisions, so it's important that you can keep a clear head and think independently while considering what everyone has to say.

    Babies' needs change over time, so you may end up trying all the options you mention. Your baby may start out sleeping in your bed, move to a crib in your room, and eventually move to a crib in another room. I know babies who have slept in their parents' bed until they were toddlers, and babies who have slept in a separate room since birth. I'm not sure anyone can conclusively say that either option has harmed the babies in question. They all seem very well-adjusted to me.

    I recently had my first child, and at a certain point, I realised all the well-meaning advice I was getting was causing more harm to my peace of mind than good. When I finally started trusting myself and doing what was comfortable and worked for me, my husband, and my baby, everything fell quite neatly into place. I found a book I really liked

    Baby 411: Clear Answers & Smart Advice For Your Baby's First Year

    and turned to that whenever I had a concern or query. You may find a book you like, or a relative or friend, or maybe a paediatrician, you feel you can trust, and turn to that source whenever you are confused about something. But I cannot stress strongly enough how important it is for you not to lose your own voice in the deluge of advice that you are being bombarded with.

    People tend to advise based on what worked for them, and so justify the choices they made for themselves. I have that urge sometimes too, to foist my opinions on others as a way of validating what I have done. But I have to remind myself that I can't possibly know what the best option for another family is, because I am not them. I have also had to stop myself from judging or criticizing the choices other mothers have made, simply because those choices are different from mine. So, be aware that all these processes are at play when someone offers you advice. Be strong, and be confident - your baby needs his or her mother and father. All the rest of it is secondary.

    Best of luck ;)
     
  5. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,902
    Likes Received:
    45
    Trophy Points:
    115
    Gender:
    Female
    You have some wonderful answers here and some interesting thoughts here.
    Let me answer you from the perspective of being a new mom in the first few intense weeks. Most newborns feed every couple of hours through the night. A mom may then have to wake up every couple of hours, walk into the next room or if you have the baby in a crib in your room then to the crib to feed the child. That does impact the quality of your sleep in the initial days. As the child becomes older the feeds tend to become more spaced out and some children even go 5 to 6 hours between feed.
    Those were the only considerations for us on how we chose to arrange our sleeping.
    Knowing I had a preemie who has to be nursed/fed every 2 hours round the clock, I did co-sleep the first three months. Of course, following the safety measures Gauri here suggests. After a while, it felt the most natural thing for me to do.
    I did start out with a crib next to my bed. That did not work well for me, given that my child had reflux. So many a nights were spent with DS kept propped up either on my shoulders or on my belly. I slept many a nights on the glider, forget the bed. And I had to trash all the plans I started with.
    IMO, start with a moses basket on your bed and see how it feels for you and your family. If that works well for all concerned look at co-sleeping, side-carring a crib or the baby sleeping in a crib all by himself.
    As for children growing up to be anxiety prone because they are sleeping on their own from the beginning, that is mostly anecdotal. I dont think there has been a study that has linked sleeping alone with anxiety - in the research that I did.
    I agree with Ansuya that a lot of times people try to help, but end up giving advice that is terrible. What helped me is to nod when I am being advised, do my own reading up, and follow what comes natural to me. HTH
     
  6. grihasta

    grihasta New IL'ite

    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Don't worry too much about what others say. Do what is comfortable for you. There is no one way that works for all. For many people, having a baby next to them is comfortable as they can easily feed the baby and go back to sleep, instead of getting the baby from teh crib and feeding it and putting it back. However, if you tend to roll a lot in the sleep or if your husband who shares your bed rolls a lot, you need to take precautions.

    What I have experienced personally is to listen/read up on others experiences, and do what is best/comfortable for our scenario. Worrying too much is neither good for you or your baby :bonk
     

Share This Page