Should I Visit?

I came from Sri Lanka and have one elder sister. My dad passed away when I was 2 years old. When I was 9, a relative/ family friend abused me. At that time, my sister was in a relationship with the abuser's brother. After the initial incidents, I told my mom. However, instead of believing me, my sister twisted the story against me. If my mom had believed me, it would have meant cutting ties with that family, which also meant losing access to her boyfriend. My mom didn’t believe me, and the abuse continued for a long time.

These incidents happened in 1995, a time when we didn’t have access to cameras or recorders to gather evidence. In my family, I was the only one with a darker complexion. My sister destroyed my self-esteem by constantly mocking my skin color.

In my 20s, I moved to the U.S. and married my husband without my mom's approval. As a result, my mom, sister, uncles, and aunts cut ties with me. I used to call my mom and beg her to talk to me, and after a year, they finally started speaking to me again. My mom’s side of the family was well-educated, but I was an average student. My mom and other family members constantly made fun of me for it. It took me many years to heal from the trauma they caused.

I talk to them often, but it has now been 18 years since I last visited my mom or sister. My sister moved to another Western country, and my mom now has dementia and doesn’t remember much. After COVID, my mom expressed a desire to see me, but I didn’t go. Currently, my aunt is taking care of my mom, and she, along with my sister, is constantly calling and pressuring me to visit.

Even though my sister lives in another country, she controls everything. She’s very skilled at guilt-tripping, manipulating, and forcing others to comply. She often says things like, “Karma will come for you, and you’ll suffer.” I’ve forgiven my family, but I don’t feel any guilt.

Should I visit my mother? I’m afraid doing so might bring back all the bad memories.