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Should I visit my family?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by neha1, Jul 8, 2010.

  1. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

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    I am in a very tricky situation now. I'd like to get the views of ILite members. I am in US since about a year now and I want to visit my parents/siblings/family/friends back in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">India</st1:place></st1:country-region>. It is kind of getting hard for me to handle my own pressure of wanting to meet my folks. Well, there is nothing stopping me but the thought of leaving DH alone is driving me nuts. We are very close and kind of need to be with each other everyday. We are each other's emotional support and I don't even depend on emotional support from my parents now.I know that more than me its going to be him who is going to be affected atleast for the first few days by my absence. I’m not able to leave this place that I call home and go away even for a day. I’m planning a vacation of 2-3 months. Moreover, DH and me were already planning a trip sometime end of the year (Dec- Jan) as we have a marriage to attend too. But, I want to go earlier to give ample time to my folks as going with DH would mean less time for me and my folks.

    Friends, please tell me what to do. I’m so confused and am just going crazy. I do not want to give up this option too. Is it wrong if I want to go and visit my family? I don’t have any trust issues with DH. I just feel bad to leave him alone.
    How do you ladies manage vacations alone? The guilt is killing me
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2010
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  2. Mythraeyi

    Mythraeyi Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Neha,

    I don't see anything wrong in wanting to visit your family. In fact it is natural that after a year here you want to visit them. If you and your DH cannot handle being away from each other, why not go together and visit both families together? Personally I feel it is nice to spend some time alone with my family and usually plan vacations that way.
     
  3. tuliplady

    tuliplady Gold IL'ite

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    You and DH are adults and should be able to live without each other for a short time. Do you think it is practical for you to live with him everyday in your married life? Your DH is not a kid and must have lived in the US alone before he got married:) So give each other some space and visit your folks for sometime.

    Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other!

    If it comforts you to know, My DH moved to India last month and I will be living alone for 3-4 months now. Previously, we were having a long distance marriage for a year..so it is doable. Since it is your first visit you might be fearing..but it will get better as time goes:thumbsup
     
  4. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

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    @Mythraeyi,
    Thank you for the first reply. I must mention that you and tuliplady relieved me of a tension that was giving me sleepless nights for 2 weeks now.Going together is hard for us as DH will not get so many days off. since I'm not working,I thought I should take this oppurtunity and go for 2-3 months so that he can join me in India at the end of 2 months and we both come back.

    @tuliplady,
    Thank you for your post. I don't know if it is practical for us to live each day together or not,but for us life revolves around each other. I can't do without talking about the day'e events to him( I guess this can be done over the phone too:crazy). That's why I was so apprehensive. I am a little relaxed now after your replies.
     
  5. tuliplady

    tuliplady Gold IL'ite

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    I am the same way too..and you are right that can be done on the phone too..You will have a nice time with your family by yourself..I also like spending some time alone with my family and friends sometime:)
     
  6. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Hi Neha,

    That is very sweet of you. :)
    Do not feel guilty. Discuss with your DH and see how comfortable he is with the 2-3 months separation. If you are worried about his food, you can stock up a lot in fridge. Like batter in freezer, rice podi, dry curries etc will come in handy. You can still share your daily musings over chat/phone and be in touch mentally. ;-)

    Men are not babies, they can easily manage alone just like they did before getting married. Infact sometimes a little time away spices up the time together. So take it positively. If you still do not feel comfortable going alone, just wait till Dec. Really it is that simple, Neha.

    Take a walk hand in hand with your DH and discuss it out with him rather online. Come on, Girl! :)
     
  7. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

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    @tuliplady,
    I hope I have a good time too. I m waiting to see my girl friends and cousins in India:)

    @mstrue,
    Thank you for your post.DH is ok with it. I've already discussed.He is being supportive.
    Yep,I am worried about food majorly :-( and what he will do to share his daily musings. He connects only with me(not many friends). I cannot wait till dEc,mstrue.My sister and cousins and friends are waiting to see me.Im not able to handle their pressure either:spin.Only my parents are supportive in this matter,by staying quiet.
    I think I should look up on how to store stuff in the feezer for a month or may be post a thread in the IL cooking section:crazy.
     
  8. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Neha,
    Frankly I was a bit surprised to see this thread from you that you are concerned about the vacation gap. Its great to know you and DH support each other, but you two are adults, and can take a break for 2 months. I think you both will manage quite well :)
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2010
  9. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

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    thanks spidey for your reply.
    And,why were you surprised:) ?
    I really hope we can manage. I cant handle emotional break downs:crazy
     
  10. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Becoz there is no emotional breakdown girl! :) You are going for a vacation, thats not a breakdown, LOL! :thumbsup
     

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