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Should i still trust my husband?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by icyspicy, May 14, 2010.

  1. icyspicy

    icyspicy Senior IL'ite

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    Yesterday i was little upset ,maybe cos of hormonal changes during nearing periods...i was a bit disturbed...in the evening my dh went to meet his friend below our building...after he returned he came and told me he has sum problem and he needs money then he started talking abt our mediator ...(his former boss who was involved in bringing us together during our 2 month separation)...he said he is bad guy and takes money from others...since i felt bad cos of his bad judgement i jst told him "it must be ur opinion but as far i know hes a good person who helped us bring us together"...then my husband said tht i talk to outside men and lebelled my character tht way...i felt deeply hurt ....i told him he should speak like tht but he continued....i got angry left the hall and went in to the room banging the door ....later after sumtime i came outside and told him y he is ridiculing me ...he got angry n told me to get out of his sight but i didnt then he got up and threw a glass bottle on the floor in anger....problem huged up later in the the morning i noticed in his laptop tht my email id has been checked ...i dont kno how...and few emails have been forwarded to his email....when i asked him he completely denied it....how should i trust him....in the evening i went to the doctor cos i was ver tnesed ...result came tht i have close to high BP...i dont knoe wot to do!
     
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  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    ICY,

    You need use your senses to understand other person and to deal with the other person.
    If your husband get offended with your words,then why don't you try to change the topic.I see similar behaviour in my husband too.Somehow they don't like wife giving good impression on some other men.You don't have to have anything on the other person.Simply they are not there yet to understand you.So he need some more time to understand you.
    If you sense something is not going in right direction than you expected,sometimes you need to take back turn immediatly to control the environment and it's very commom amoung the people who into relationship newly.It will some years for your man to come out of the phase.Now you know he doesn't like you appretiate some men then stay away from it.
    I don't know other people might not have experience,but I experienced this and it's just them.Sometimes better to listen instead of giving your openion.Don't carry this one just move on.
    You will have some other all the time in your life.It's upto you how you wanted to handle.
     
  3. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Aysha,
    You know he is suffering from hypothyroid.. and its effects on hormones, disposition etc, right? Try not to provoke him if you want to be of any help to yourself and your husband. Now on top of it you having high BP.. not a good combo, dear..

    How do you know he had forwarded them? You checked your sent folder? If you find trace of forwarding, and you did not do it, and MIL did not do it, then obviously it must be him if you 3 are the only ones with access to that laptop. What was in those forwarded emails that you are so worried about, anyways? That would tell something about his intention and rage. Might be the cause for misunderstanding.

    I have no clue as to when in the past you had trusted your husband, though.. Dear Aysha.. calm down.

    Now what is it with 'you talking to outside men.. he talking bad about your character'? Words in rage do hurt, I agree. But when you are on PMS, High BP and he on thyroid-malfunction words hardly carry any meaning.

    Explain a bit more on the sequence of events so we get the full picture. Hold onto your patience whatsoever..
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2010
  4. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Icy, you and your husband are very immature. I seriously wonder if there is any love in your relationship, or if both of you have simply made it your life mission to act like jerks with each other.

    Your husband throwing stuff on the floor, accusing you of "talking to men" (as if that's a crime? :biglaugh).... are all signs he is as immature as you (as proven by YOU in your previous threads). See in a relationship where one person has not yet fully grown up, the other person needs to step forward and be the adult. Your husband is not stepping forward. Hence it is like two children fighting.

    When he says something stupid like "you talk to men", why can't you answer logically instead of running off to your room? Like, ask him what is the problem of "talking" to a man, since he routinely talks to women. Remind him that talking does not equal illicit behavior. But really... you could have phrased your disagreement over the mediator's character in a better way. Instead of acting like your husband's opinion is crazy, you could have asked for more information, expressed your surprise, etc. But not immediately doubt on your husband! Anybody get's defensive when they are doubted, especially by their spouse.

    Argueing, fighting, disagreeing is all fine. But there is a time and a place. When you know your husband is equally as riled as you, wouldn't it have been better to wait a while till tempers cooled down?

    Whether you can trust your husband or not, whether he trusts you or not... I don't see how there could be any trust in a relationship with so much bickering and drama. Part of trust is BELIEVING in your spouse as a source of peace and support. So when those two things go missing, so do the other aspects of trust... like respecting privacy of email account, etc.

    One thing I have noticed, any time an Indian wants pity or to create drama, they mention having high BP. Girl wants to marry boyfriend against parent's wishes? Oh no, father has high BP. Fight with mil? Oh no, how could you, she has high BP! I think, you are a young girl in good health, so even with "close to high" BP... what could happen? I think not much!! And here's a clue.... unless you are dead, you will always have some blood pressure in your body! So ICY (and all other Indians who constantly use this as an excuse to grow sympathy), please play another card, because the BP one is getting old.

    You both are too dramatic, that is for sure. Since your husband is becoming as silly as you, please try to be the calm one from now on. When you have an issue, make sure he is calm before bringing it up, and make sure you bring it up maturely (no shouting, no door slamming, no tears). And since you are in doubt of your dh's trustworthiness, change the password on your email account. (Out of curiousity, what were the content of the emails forwarded to his account? Was it something negative you had written or something he could use against you in future?)

    *sigh* Icy Icy Icy....
     
  5. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    Well said!!! :biglaugh:biglaugh:biglaugh:biglaugh

    Suggestion for the new card - say 'diabetes'.. May be that'll gain as much sympathy..
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2010
  6. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi
    I have read your threads but never responded. I just want to drop in to say one thing. You and your husband love a lot of drama. Its high time one person bows downs and ends the show so that the other can follow.Since you are the one thats posting here I suggest that you act mature meaning ...

    1.Dont yell because he yells
    2.Dont blame him because he blames you
    3.Dont argue because he argues.
    4.Dont sulk because he sulks.

    Approach everything with patience and calmness, not like a tsunami.

    Goodluck.
     
  7. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    Icy,

    I read your other threads too. Like all others, even I would like to say 'Grow up Lady!'

    Get relaxed and think about working on you marriage. Good luck!
     
  8. icyspicy

    icyspicy Senior IL'ite

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    Abt those mails...i used to ask my uncl abt the issues abt mil and his health....so i dontknoe if hell use them against me..if yes how would he use it against me?why could he have such a thing?
     
  9. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    Welcome Icy!

    Icy, I'm unable to comprehend your post. I was able to pick the pieces:

    1. He needs money.
    2. He says the mediator is not trust worthy
    3. You voiced your opinion and hell broke loose.
    4. He checked the mails and has forwarded to his id

    Now, how to link all the 4 actions.

    My questions are:

    1. Why is he labeling your character?
    2. Who needs money?
    3. What were those mails and what use is it to forward them to his id?
    4. You have hypertension and your husband has thyroid? Don't have children. He has thyroid and until his health returns to a stable condition, don't think about children.
    5. Where are your inlaws now?

    You are only 24, why are you having high BP? Actually it is only near High BP and not high BP. For some people there constructs are so, for me my BP is low that's the way it has been.

    For once Icy, please can you respond to our questions?

    You know Icy, there was lady in this forum called ChillPill. She had posted a similar question how to trust her husband. First Icy, we hardly know anyone on this forum. All of us are virtually present for sometime and then we carry on with our lives. We jump to this forum to vent out our pain, joy, success, failure, seek advise or provide one. Given this situation how can we even say trust A, or B even without being in the actual situation?

    First when trust is lost in a marriage the marriage is doomed. In your case, I'm afraid there's no charm. There's always confusion and tension from any of the quarters. You need think calmly about what you want in life.
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2010
  10. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Icy, by use the mails against you, I meant... was there something in them that he could use to start a fight, or get so enraged he'll call up your parents (Indian male's favorite trick), or otherwise use the content of the mails to make accusations.

    If he is the momma's boy you say he is, and you mentioned his mom in the mails, watch out... chaos could be coming at a later time. Hope by now you have changed your password on the email.

    Out of curiousity, how would you rate your marriage on a scale of 1-10? 10 being outstanding, 1 being worst of the worst....
     

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