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Should I marry? in a unique situation...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by juslikuimagined, Sep 18, 2012.

  1. vaanadhi

    vaanadhi Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi there,
    Its good to know that you want to support your bro in need.
    Does he have any physical limitations that would require you to do basic care for him?(like bathing,washing,dressing etc.,)?
    and when you say MR how severe it is? all this plays a role in whether he can or not be happily married.
    Each and every woman has expectations from husband...If you are sure a girl would marry him for what he is and be happy with that,then y not?
    As far your partner to be is concerned,I would say it will be unfair to place too much demands on her.If your brother requires lot of help physically and needs someone to tend to him for almost everything,then what amount of time you both( hus and wife) will be able to devote to each other?what will happen to the time that you expect your wife to be to spend on your bro,when you have kids?And how much physically demanding taking care of your bro will be?
    If the girl,out of her love for you, decides to tie the knot and partake some of your responsibilities,then pls do ask all of these questions to yourself before deciding.Of course we always want to take care of our loved ones.If I were you,I would do that too.
    But at times we do have to face our limitations.
    you may also consider hiring specially trained personal (like nursing assistant) to help.
    Sometimes its better to do that because despite our best intentions to help and care for our loved ones,we may not do the thing that is needed the most.
    In the end it comes down to the level of understanding between you and your future partner.I would say good way to start is an open discussion with her on this.
    Good luck!


     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2012
    1 person likes this.
  2. Dancer

    Dancer Silver IL'ite

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    ok [​IMG]
     
  3. dashami

    dashami Silver IL'ite

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    kudos for your sincere approach to family! you should be getting married dear, there are many broad minded girls, who would be happy to be with you. With the right person, you would be able to take care of your brother better, even!
    I appreciate your aspirations for an arranged marriage. But make sure you have a detailed direct discussion with the girls about your situation, before reaching a decision to get married. (even these days, its often rare to have a long chat between girl and boy before fixing marriage :bonk)

    A close friend (sis -like) of mine had an arranged marriage with a person in your situation and brother's condition was(is) never an issue for her or her family.
    I hope you will also be blessed with such alliances :thumbsup.

    how to take care of your brother would have to be another discussion, I guess, as its not clear about his level independence. However, caring options for people like him has advanced much and I would not think his future life would have much problem.
    All the very best wishes for you!!!

    :cheers
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. juslikuimagined

    juslikuimagined New IL'ite

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    Wow.. i did not expect so many replies.. pleasantly surprised :)

    Thank you all. So here's the plan...

    First off, my brother, u guys r right. Marriage for my brother would be wrong on many levels. He is completely dependent for almost everything. Marrying him to a person in the same situation would be to multiply my problems and I dont know what kind of relationship they would have. My only hope in this area is to find a spouse who has a sibling like my brother so atleast they can be companions. (thanks Ragini25 :bowdown )

    As for lil ol me, guess I just have to go for the above option or god forbid if I cant find anyone like that then I'm just gonna have to explain clearly to the girl and hope for the best. But I will also explain that I dont expect her to take care of him, will find a nurse for that.

    I want an arranged marriage because I think it would make my mother happy, rather than love marriage(lost cause anyway!) she is old-fashioned.

    As for that whole thing about giving me the hard truth and fb frens list, ya that was unnecessary. I was just looking to avoid sympathetic responses, somehow that ticks me off.

    I'm sure that almost everyone here are wiser and more experienced than me, n I have nothing but respect for the amazing people here. This site is like that one incredible amazin song you hear at the end of a crappy crappy day at office.

    All of your comments helped me to get here. :thumbsup

    just one thing.. what does 'OP' mean, why am i being addressed lik that?
     
  5. Bts

    Bts Junior IL'ite

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    just one thing.. what does 'OP' mean, why am i being addressed like that?

    What if OP means 'Old Person'.

    Even i dont know the abbreviation. honest.

    Your situation is bit tricky. All the wise people have given excellent suggestions.
    my own cousin has married . He has a sister who is mentally challenged but she stays in another city with parents. He did tell and explain his wife that if his sister outlives his parents then she is his responsibility.

    Girl was and is very understanding and takes care of her well during hols/ vacations /functions beautifully. His wife is very well educated and earns more than him infact.
     
  6. meitz

    meitz Senior IL'ite

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    OP stands for Original Poster........
    your situation is same as one of our neighbour , he also had a mentally challenged elder bro, he and his wife took care of the elder bro after their parents outlived & he arranged a nurse for all those bathing & cleaning etc.
     

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