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should i leave my parents for my husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by nihitareddy, Feb 14, 2010.

  1. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Nihitha

    If you feel scared, insecure and doubtful, thats what your husband wants..he wants to keep you scared and worried and thats how he is controlling you!

    One fine day tell him firmly to let go off the past and move on with life...When you had gone to visit your inlaws in US with the kid, you behaved well with them isnt it? or does he have complaints over that visit also? if no complaints tell him that you would understand and learn what his parents and himself like and dont like.

    Also STOP fightin iwth him on whether you have to go for work or not. Start looking for a job to start with ...look for a part time job those few hours in the day you would meet new people, and your kid would also see someone to play with other than you and your husband and your house...he too would get some outside exposure.

    Start working part time, more than the money, the freedom of having to go out of the house and having a routine would keep you occupied and ofcourse you would have some savings in your bank.

    Take these steps and see how things work out/ change. Meanwhile you can show your baby and talk to your parents over web cam and chat and keep them happy that their daughter and grand kid are fine...Am sure our parents know and can sense and guess when the SNILs are behaving nasty. No need for us to convey to them with words...they can sense it..so they too would understand even if you are not able to pay visit to them all these years...

    But yes, do take those above 2 steps and see where is all thsi going. That way you would also start feeling confident and after you are successful in the above steps, youcan take one step forward of going to visit your parents or asking them to come over to your place to visit you. Take one step at a time. No point in getting depressed or showing it on the kid. You would feel bad later on for treating your kid that way...So take steps and start working on the issue.dont get all worked up and get upset. God will help only those..who help themselves


    By the way..When you are doing these things or taking the first 2 steps...it should be for your own good and peace of mind and adding value to your education and being able to gain some independance and communication with outside world...NOT BECAUSE you want to change your husband! Keep this thought in your mind..Reason..when you start expecting him to change becuase of your actions and when he doesnt change, things would become more complicated as you would feel more upset and angry and clueless on how to deal with him...Rather do it for your own self. for your own freedom and independance...for meeting people, gaining some knowledge...it would slowly make you see the bright side of your life and will make you more cheerful and happy & Confident!! all this will change you and your approach!
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2010
  2. aruna_077

    aruna_077 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Nihita,

    Pls do what ladies are suggesting here. I understand it would be difficult for you to even get out of house and look for jobs without any money.

    So, act smart - Start saving a little money that ur H(not DH) gives you for grocery or other household expense. Apply online for jobs. In case ur H takes care of all expenses by himself without having to give you a penny( this is the most horrible thing that can be done to a wife); then think of some excuse like taking ur baby to doc for an emergency. At times when ur H is too busy with this work, such excuses work well and he will have to give you some money to take the baby to a doc or getting some stuff for ur baby.
    Just be smart enough to save some money for yourself(think of how Indian wives have been saving money from the household expenses for the rainy days for years).

    Give time to yourself. Meet ur friends if you have any. Have faith on God ..and am sure you will soon sail out of this storm.

    Start working, save money and be independent. With a little more confidence and smartness, you can go back to India soon with your baby.

    Hope ur H changes by then and realizes his mistakes. With time, everyone changes.

    Hugs to you!
    Aruna
     
  3. luckybychance

    luckybychance Senior IL'ite

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    yes...u should try doing things mentioned in above posts...so that u will have some money for ur self incase of any urgency..
    take ur friends help...he might change a little with counselling...

    all the very best to you...
    take care
     
  4. nihitareddy

    nihitareddy Silver IL'ite

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    hi ladies,
    thanks for your advise. i will start to do something. my parents are going to visit me this year. few days back my they send me some money now i can go out and search for jobs and stand on my feet. i spoke to solicitor here they also said the same u got more rights on kid than anyone. in apr my mother-in-law is going to come for 6 months. b4 that only i have to get into something.

    thanks for everything

    nihita
     
  5. aruna_077

    aruna_077 Senior IL'ite

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    Am so happy to hear that!!
    See how doors have opened up for you.

    Well keep posting the updates. All of us will be more than happy to hear good things from you!:cheers
     
  6. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Nihitha

    Thats good news....finally you get to see your parents and they too get time to spend with your kid. I would suggest you try to do things to make you independant and stop looking at other issues related to MIL / kids custody etc...they are all like the last resot you have to think of...first work on your action plan and it would sure give you more happines...Have a great time with your parents!!
     

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