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Should I go? Please Please Help me

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Emal, Dec 17, 2013.

  1. Emal

    Emal Senior IL'ite

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    Breeze01 Thank you so much for the link!!!!! I will call them and see if they can make these arrangements. If it all works out then it will be the best for me right now I believe.
    Feeling bad will loose $1100 on ticket cancellation :(. Wish I had not made the tickets emotionally :(.
     
  2. breeze01

    breeze01 Platinum IL'ite

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    do whatever makes you happy and .... comfortable...
     
  3. breeze01

    breeze01 Platinum IL'ite

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    not a problem at all hope you find something out of here which is going to help you in such a way.. thatswhy we all are here for... help each other ...
     
  4. Emal

    Emal Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Everybody,

    I had thought I was done with this topic but I am forced to come back here and post again.
    When I informed my people that I will not be coming due to my health they became altogether different people. They started talking to me like I am lying. My brother started showing weird behavior something like bitter sweet talks. My mom said few times that I have certain responsibility to perform there.
    I am shocked how much these people change every minute.

    When I think about meeting all other relatives and the bride side people, I desperately feel like going. But when I think about my own people I feel I should not go.
    What a situation????:bonk

    With my present health condition will I be able to participate in all the changing talks and dramas of my own people ??
    I will miss out on all the rituals, will miss out on all the relatives and the new alliances coz of these people who are supposedly mine:idontgetit:

    Emotionally I keep thinking about this every minute kinda. What a mess. Why do own people can't trust us?
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2014
  5. JustMyself

    JustMyself Gold IL'ite

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    Hello Emal,

    If I were in your situation, I would go. My reasons would be as below.
    1. My bro is getting married. It is his big day, and as am his sister, I am the person who has to do the Thaali tying ceremonies (only a sister is supposed to tie the 3rd knot of the Mangalsutra in our marriages)
    2. My baby is 8 months old. The operation was 8 months back. It may be incovenient, but NOT IMPOSSIBLE to make the travel.
    3. For some, their siblings / parents may or may not have attended their wedding. But for mine, my siblings & parents attended and they were good to me. So I will be good to them too.
    4. My family may or may not have treated me well in the past. They may treat me better in future or may not. When at some point, I reflect over my life, I should not regret my decision in not attending my brother's wedding. Also, in future, when I meet my future SIL, I should not feel guilty that I wasnt there with her on her happy day.

    This is purely me. Every family is different. Please find what works for you and your family. I believe, your family is more closely knit for whom a sister not attending marriage is a big deal. My family is the same way.

    Am not a favorite sister of my second bro. He use to put me down and treat me like crap at times. At times, he would be the best bro in the entire world. We did have our share of sibling affection as well as rivalry side by side.We are 5 siblings.

    His wedding was arranged while I was onsite, after a long search, and the bride's family wanted a earlier marriage. My Dad suggested that I dont need to come, if I dont get leave (as I was the only person onsite). My bro picked up the phone and his first statement to me was, "you tell me the date, which will work for you, and I will fix the marriage date based on your return. I will not go to the Mandap on my wedding date, if you are not here !".. The marriage was set to line with my return and ofcourse, when I went there he treated me like crap ;-) (anyway, thats MY bro. He gets to put me down, and I get to scold him !!).

    But end of day, I as well as he would have definitely regretted if I had not gone to his wedding.

    Again, as I said earlier, each family is different, and you should do what is agreeable to you and your family. I believe you are feeling indecisive as your family is similar to mine.

    If you decide to attend the wedding, plan to stay at your Mom's place or place of marriage only on the days of the ceremonies. Stay at a hotel or any other place on other days, if you think that could help.

    Cheers,
    JM

    Good Luck !!
     
  6. Emal

    Emal Senior IL'ite

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    Justmylife Thanks for posting so well. I some where could relate to your experience.

    My family wants me to go there not because they love me. Yes my attendance is a big deal for them not coz I am their family but the only reason "What will relatives and friends think about them if I do not go". My mom did not come for my delivery and everybody was talking in town. Now if I do not go then people will think some thing is wrong between us. That is the only and sole reason why they want me to attend the wedding.

    Loved this idea. But my question is if I am so uncomfortable to even live in my own house then what is the point in even going there with all the difficulty? We attend functions of people whom we love and are loved by them as well. What will I gain by doing this as a formality and not out of love. Their talks and attitude toward me refuses me to go there.
    They have gotten on to my nerves so much that I am constantly thinking about how they are behaving and talking to me. This is affecting my personal being.
     
  7. JustMyself

    JustMyself Gold IL'ite

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    Emal,

    It is your brother's marriage. So, if he has not hurt you, and you can travel, then I would recommend you to attend. Please do not make your Mom's mistake affect your relations with your brother(& his future family).

    Does you NOT attending your brother's marriage resolve anything ? It would add your bro (& his future family) to be added to the people who resent you and give your Mom's family to add another issue to their list.

    You are missing out on expressing your affection to your brother, and adding an issue by NOT attending the marriage.

    Well, I leave you here to make your decision :)

    Cheers,
    JM
     
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  8. aamrapali

    aamrapali Gold IL'ite

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    It is your brothers wedding, you are invited, you should go. You may not have the same dynamics with your brother and others some time down the road and you don't want to regret that you missed the one significant event in your brother's lifetime.

    Whatever issues are there between you and your parents and siblings, you should not wash that dirty linen before outsiders. To your brother's wife this will be so strange and she will ask him for the rest of his life how come your own sister did not come for your wedding.

    Lastly, don't burn any bridges especially with your family. Think also practically.
     
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  9. samal

    samal Silver IL'ite

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    True in some houses, they treat daughter as not so important member in the fAMILY, after they get married. can avoid showing this feel in close relative functions.They hv invited u, want ur presence in the ceremony and promised to keep u comfortable. Their expectation is valid from 3rd person perspective. u delivered thro csection, alrdy 8 mnths over, not attending funtion, not valid. do u want ur siblings to attend urkids wedding in future? Think in term of long term perspective.
     

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