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Should I find him?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by KateOguinn, Apr 9, 2011.

  1. KateOguinn

    KateOguinn Junior IL'ite

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    At this point, I don't want to know him. As far as I'm concerned he is a man of little or no character. Where I'm from men who hit women or let them be hit are scum and low life. I'm embarrassed now that I'm his daughter.
     
  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Kate,

    Actually there is no real meaning of father there.
    Your father here is just for a DNA sake.The person only be called father or mother,when they stand by you or taken care of you.
    This guy brutally left your mother and never turn back.Even if you find him,who can fill your mother loss?No one.
    If I were you,I would literally do what my mothers says.No matter what.
    Again choice is yours.I am happy that,you made that decision.

    Lot of things available to learn about indian culture in US these days.Not sure,where you live have good amount of indian population or not.Is there is indian population,defintily there will be Indian temples.You can visit them.You can participate in temple activited(like church).That way you get to know more about it.
     
  3. priya2782

    priya2782 New IL'ite

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    kate, as u rightly said u hav no use of a father as a 30 yr old...and 'the coward' definitely doesn't deserve the 2 wonderful women that u & ur mom are. He needs to know of your existence just for the fact that he left his seed behind for your mom to handle all by herself, which must've been very difficult for her at times.
    Even if he denies you ,It'd be superficial coz the heart knows anyways & the denial won't matter to you so much since you are not looking for anything in return.but the knowledge of your existence will make him feel guilty inside each & every day. and IMO...
    IF HE'S GUILTY THEN EITHER HE MAKE AMENDS FOR IT OR DIE WITH THE GUILT.
    GUD LUCK IN SEARCH OF YOUR FATHER
     
  4. renualways

    renualways Gold IL'ite

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    kathe, u shd find ur father.when he is not ready to stand for your mother, u need not to bother about any thing.Its ur right to meet him,atleast to reveal him that u r his daughter .Be Proud of ur mother who made me today so.
     
  5. jaaisu

    jaaisu Senior IL'ite

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    kate,

    I dont think its a gud idea to meet ur dad...i feel u might get hurted.. I greatly appreciate ur mom for she has great strength... If ur dad hasnt even have the guts to stop his brother from beating ur mom do u think he will wish to know u r his daughter.. i want to quote what happend in one of my best friends life..

    She had a very gud friend and later they feel in love with each other....The guy took care of her and she always wanted him to be happy...she earned more than him and she gave him lot of money .She needed some time to convince her parents as her bf is of a different caste..The guy knew she loved him but he was not willing to wait and married another girl telling he cant wait long and his family wants him to get married.. he did not want him to be blamed so he told that girl that he never knew she loved him .She helped him in many ways even aftr he is engaged to another girl.. she had given him lot of money for his wedding and also her camera which he told will return aftr his wedding. he returned the money but did not retun the cam.when she wanted the camera she asked another friend to call the guy and ask.. the guy mesaged her and he was teasing and made her cry...she went nuts and she messaged him telling he broke her heart... the guy told her to stop msging and she cudnt bear him teasing and sent some msgs that how heartless he was..

    she told me that she was always wishing for his happiness and she cud even tolerate him marry another girl but she cudnt tolerate when he teased her..


    U know what happend ?? That heartless fellow called her and scolded her...And also he gave to his wife and asked her to scold the girl and also the friend who called him....
    My friend told she never had any intention of distrbing him she wished for his happiness only.. since she needed the cam she had called him that too thro another friend and not directly. I could never forget the pain she had and cried hugging me..

    I feel many of the indian guys are like this they just want to escape even if they did a mistake... they want to always get a gud name in the family and dont care if someone is hurted by them.. So I think its not a gud idea to contact and he and his family may speak ill of u or ur mom.. better keep away...

    If u feel ur dad is a gud man and he is keeping away just because of his family thn try to contact only him without others being aware becuse even if he has love when u tell in front of anyone he will always try to be in the safer side and hurt u.
     
  6. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    I know this is a pretty old thread.Just saw this.

    Kate, Hats off to you and your mom.You are so brave!

    Your dad just needed a reason to leave your mom.Can't you see that?How could he allow his brother to yell at your mom and slap her too?He definitely does not deserve you guys.

    He is such a heartless man.If I were in your situation , I would call up his house and tell "I want to talk to my dad <Dad's name>".Also, I would talk to him and say you have forgotten your duty as a dad".I am sure the entire family would start saying nasty things but just throw the DNA report at them.I know this is not going to fill what you and your mom have been deprived off but your dad needs to know that he cannot get away so easily.

    You have every right to find him.Someone here said since he is from orthodox family leave him in his nest."Orthodox" means approved or standard practice in a society.He is not from a orthodox family.Otherwise he would have behaved properly.Just because he is born in a particular sect does not put him automatically in the orthodox category.

    I wish he regrets for his act which I doubt he would.

    All the very best if you have decided to contact him.
     
  7. semaphore

    semaphore Senior IL'ite

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    Kate,

    I am sorry about the situation.

    I think you should let your mother to live peaceful life now onwards.
    Can you imagine the stress that you and your mom might feel once you initiate the process of search.
    Waste of time and mind. Instead give your mom wonderful life with ur own family and kids(in future..).

    if you are so connected to Indian culture, try to make friends and express interest and I am sure you will be invited for festivals or u can join temple services. I see lot of americans volunteering in temples.

    Sorry if I hurt you but if I were you, I would rather have hatred towards that so-called father than search and make him guilt.

    takecare of your mother. She's precious.
     
  8. KateOguinn

    KateOguinn Junior IL'ite

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    My Mom is precious, but she's feisty. Her concern is for me. As far as she's concerned, if it wouldn't cost too much money for a cheap thrill, she'd show up on his doorstep herself, more than happy to talk about decency and character---his, not hers. I don't know if you know the reputation of red-heads. lol But she's no shrinking violet, and she's not intimidated by anything or anyone.

    Believe me, if I did contact that guy and he tried to deny me, she'd be there in a second, like a mama lion. Pity the man, he'd be lunch meat.

    So for all concerned, I'm just putting this genie back in the bottle.

    Thank you all for your concern and care. I think I need to be a student of Indian Culture for awhile more. You can imagine after being raised by such a strong independent woman, I'm totally baffled by the politics of Indian families.
     
  9. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Who isn't? :)
     
  10. prads

    prads New IL'ite

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    :rotfl:rotfl
     

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