Should I find him?

Please go ahead and find him. He sure needs to know what he had left behind when he walked away from your mom, Two Beautiful Women and a better Life that he missed out on.

You need to find him because Opportunities knock only once but he's given a second chance. Maybe he will stand up at least for his daughter this time.

Best of Luck!!!

 

Kate,

Before anything,I wanted you to write what you are really expecting from your father.Does it cause pain to your mom?

You need to be ready for after math.Becuase once he had family,typically the family will object him to the core to have any contacts with you,if he had typically indian family.

I don't think,it's good idea to contact his brother.Because,the brother never ever will pass that information to your father.(Beleive me never).

So,it's better if you could find your dad phone directly and if you could hold of him,that's great.Then you would get to know from your father only what state he is in.

You also need think,it may not be very easy for your father to digest this fact,sometimes they may feel extremly guilty and they may not able to share with his family and can spoil his health because of the tenstion.

So you really need to look inside of you,what you really wanted from this?

But I would advise,find him directly by yourself not though his family and it's not a good idea.

 

Dear kate
yes you may be right but....I think atleast ur father should know that he is responsible for ur birth.
and he flew away frm his responsibilities and know how good ur mom is....by giving him a happy life.

 

I really dont think he is worth the pain and the trouble Kate. Even though in your/our heart we would want your father to know of your existence, what next? He is never going to be a father in the true sense; like you said. In future if for some reason you feel the need for him to know, you can think about it then. If in future, should you feel the need, try to find him directly. Going through his family would be pretty much repeating what your mom had to go through.

 

Kate,

I am really glad,you came to this decision.I wanted you to tell the same,but I don't want to hurt you.
Your mother is 100% right.I am very happy to have very a bold mother.

You guys will have good life ahead,why do you want invent unnessary unpleasure in your life?

Whatever the personality it is,good or bad or whatever,but it doens't really matter at this point in your life.

More than you,you always need to think about your mother and her emotions.Because she is the one who get effected by all these.

 

Kate,you are such a lovely lady!I would say your 'father' should at least know that he left a lady to raise a child all by herself. If at all you do decide to contact him,you need to tell him that you expect nothing and just need to let him know about the injustice to his mom!But the question is will he believe?
Anyway,you could make some Indian friends in your neighborhood.

Since you have some interest in the indian culture,let me begin with some beliefs in indians

Indians believe that God is present everywhere and hence they worship many gods and all elements of nature. There is Lord Ganesha,(the elephant god) with whom we start our prayers,there is Saraswati ,who is the goddess for education, Laxmi-goddess for wealth, Rama -known for his dedication and values etc.
In mythology- there are so many stories that we grew up reading about these gods and other small village stories of wise men in comics.I just loved those comics

Coming to festivals,we have Holi,Diwali,Navratri,Dussehra,Krishnashtmi,Ganesh Chathurti and so many (so we had holidays around the year at school!:rotfl)
On a typical festival day,we used to dress up in new clothes and mum makes sweets and other special items.We pray and adorn God and then start eating all the delicious food!
You could google on the festivals and know their significance.During Holi,we as children used to take colours and go to other friends' homes and slowly start gathering everyone to play. I remember I used to fill up small balloon with water to throw at others..what fun!

When guests come home..we feel "athithi devo bhava"...which means guests are like gods and we treat them so. In India,there is no occasion needed to meet or go to anyone's house.There is no compulsion to call close people to go to their homes.Be rest assured that there is so much food or food for 10 people will be cooked within 10 min of your arrival!!

There is so much to learn about our culture,but at the same time..there are some things
that need to be changed like the corruption,traffic rules,civic sense,arranged marriages (once married,getting divorced is like the talk of the town),married ladies try a lot to sustain their marriage and in this process suffer a lot.The culture is also very strong in the sense that mothers try to control their children/sons and DIL too much.Most of the times,it happens so that parents mortgage their properties and send their kids for further studies.They sacrifice a lot and this is the reason why sons who love someone have to leave them if the parents don't like it. In your situation,even though your father could not make a commitment,it is his inability to stop his brother from slapping you which is more disturbing.

 

Rose gave a beautiful snap shot of our culture. I hope you continue to research more about India and Indian culture.

What your father did is SO disturbing. Unfortunately, men letting their families dominate their wives/girlfriends/daughters-in-laws is a significant part of Indian culture. Not all men are like this, but many are. Some Indians believe 'parents are like Gods' and some men will literally let their parents get away with murder (i.e. it's called dowry death, bride burning, etc). It's one part of Indian culture that really needs to change.

I wish your mom had called the cops on your dad and his brother. They acted like thugs and really should have been taught a lesson. Your mom is so courageous for standing up for herself, and I really admire how she raised you all by herself. You are such a mature, well balanced, and kind person... it really speaks to your mom's character to have raised such a person. Given this latest bit of information in your last few posts, I think you have made the right decision not to contact your dad since it might lead to him trashing your mom... which will be hard for you (her daughter) to hear. Yes Indian culture is good, but so is your mother's culture. Maybe Indian culture is fun and exotic in certain ways... but due to racism and cultural prejudice, it also left your mom a single mom raising you all by herself. Keep in mind that the culture your mother grew up in, also made her the incredibly strong woman she is today. So always honor both sides of your heritage.

Best of luck to you in all aspects of life. And if ever you do decide to contact your dad, I hope you have success in finding him and that he finally gives you and your mom the respect you both deserve.

 

Kate,
Even though you are not expecting anything from your father ,but don't drop the idea of finding your dad.He must know your existence.we are proud of your mother,she must have struggled a lot in her life to bring you up.Search your father and show him the DNA proof.God will give you the success on your search.
Srims.