Should Dils Keep Guilting Themselves Forever?

Dear @Naari

Plz take away the guilt from ur mind...
Only if anyone tells u face-to-face that you have done wrong, it is a an event.

In your case, before any fight/verbal arguments you have distanced from ur in laws... and the most good part is u talk to them & enquire on their wellness... that's enough..

What is the point when other person is not feeling good for u, but u keep on doing good for them...

Everything should be 2-way .. give n take.. that's essence in any relationship..

If you feel something different, talk to ur hubby freely and get clarified whether he is getting hurt in being away from his parents. If they are ill and need ur both presence, definitely u will be right there to help them and do the needful//

So you are not doing anything wrong.

Be happy and be urself..
Cheers!

 

As a person of younger generation make sure you respect them for their age and do your DIL duties. Beyond this, you dont have to exert more efforts to improve the relationship. relationships have to be nurtured from both the sides. So let go of the guilt and try to behave with basic courtesy and respect. That itself is a good part from your side.

 

This only shows your good heart.
Forget about them and live in peace

 

Not getting along with in laws happens in a lot of homes.. you don't have to feel guilty of not doing more..

But, are they good parents to your hubby? If yes, can he consider bringing them for a visit, and take them around.. This may be a basic expectation for a lot of parents with kids staying abroad..

With time, In laws mellow down.. do you think yours are still the same as before?

 

The OP is a puzzle.... about the DH, who is looking at his mother, his wife, and a bag of guilt.... and he has to cross a river in a boat. He could only take one of the three with him across, then come back to get the others. Taking the bag-of-guilt with him, would result in MIL-DIL fight on this river bank. Taking his mother with him would make his wife put the bag-of-guilt on her back and that would break her back. etc.. leaving the two incompatibles together on either river bank is not allowed.

The Original puzzle, and its history is here: Fox, goose and bag of beans puzzle - Wikipedia

 

@Naari you know what I think about this
@GoneGirl do they mellow down eventually ? There is hope in this world !

 

Hi @Naari . When we read threads where ILs are ready to attack DIls with a knife or DIl being miserable and unhappy , don't you think many of us who live abroad have the best of both worlds in terms of privacy,space and also being able to maintain a healthy relationship with them. I don't call or talk to my ILs much and never have I felt guilty about it because over the years I have realised that if things are working this way and everyone is courteous enough with each other , why go the extra mile and bring more stress ? Familiarity breeds contempt so I don't let them overstep into my life. I don't stop them from visiting us but I do make sure that they don't overstay . I just bite the bullet for a few weeks or a month when they are here by keeping myself busy with work ,hobby or kids activities. I can choose to live in the past and ruin mine and my family's peace or live in the present and do what works for me ultimately and which is keeping a hi,hello, wishing on special occasions, having them over for a few weeks relationship or if they need help financially and by financially I mean if emergency like hospital or something major happen , we are always there for them and I don't question my DH. They are his parents and he should look after them just how I would for my parents if an emergency arise .

And if you thinking people who are inviting ILs here all the time and posing selfies and looking happy in FB pics , I bet they are all for pictures only . Just like everything else on FB but. I have yet to come across any MIl-DIl who share a perfect relationship so don't beat yourself about it .

One thing I do want to mention is there is no harm in inviting them over for a few weeks because your kid will also benefit a lot. If you are working and can go in silent mode for a few weeks , things can still work out amicably . It's not that hard trust me .

I also wonder why only women have this guilt feeling . Tell me how many of the men we know will go the extra mile for their ILs. They never have any guilt feeling if they don't call or wish their ILs. It's more of a societal conditioning that DIL should look after that their Mil so its high time we change this mindset.