Should a wife expect husband to give her right to do household shopping on her own?

Re: Should a wife expect husband to give her right to do household shopping on her ow

Malaytha,
Didnt want to re paste your whole quote, but thanks for clarifying my issue, ur absolutely right, I did not bring up the other side of the self righteous rage that cd erupt when this point about needs & wants is brought up!
This is oen of the things I love about this site, The different aspects of any issue that are brought up.. Thanks Ladies!

 

Re: Should a wife expect husband to give her right to do household shopping on her ow

Hello Nithya,

By far Sandhya's answer should be the most relevant to you cause...

I just want to add two other things:

1. This country sometimes changes the lifestyle attitudes of people. I have seen my relatives who lived extravagantly in India, came here and were mortified with the income-expense ratio here. They complained that their lifestyle is worse and they feel like beggers here watching every penny they spend, while having one or even two flats of their own in posh localities in big Indian cities back home. My point is, perhaps your husband is under a lot of pressure for saving money here so as not to run the risk of debts (this pressure may be justified or not, I am in no position to say...). There are a very few desi families here with one single income and 2 kids and they live in expensive apartments, own two cars, keep eating out - frankly they confuse and surprise me as to how they can afford all that! But most are penny-pinchers... it is a combination of wanting a nice lifestyle as well as an ability to financially plan that allows us to hit the middle ground somewhere... this takes me to point number 2

2. I dont know if you have already tried this, but if not it is worth considering. You do have the internet, so read the news, start understanding money matters through MSNBC and other links and with this knowledge casually converse with him about the country's economy. Read IL columns in the money section and check out what other desi families are saying about saving/spending habits, investing ideas etc. and tell him what you read. This might draw him out of the regular thoughts and make him give his opinions in return and you can have a great conversation going... this will inevitably lead him to realize that you are smart enough to plan around money and might actually be a help to him in managing your joint finances...basically just an idea to ensure him you are not simply expecting to be trusted with personal finances, but that you have earned it!

I know you situation is hard and undeserving, but its just that while some of us get it without work, some have to work harder to get the same hold and respect in marriage. I believe your husband has integrity and honesty by nature, so its just a matter of loosening him up a bit. It might be harder and take longer than for others, but I have a feeling it will be worth it to earn his respect; so please go for it!

Good Luck,
Sunita

 

Re: Should a wife expect husband to give her right to do household shopping on her ow

Nithya,

firstly take off this feeling that you live with his money.
U are his better half and you totally have the right on him and his money and his life.because if he is affected it is even u who is affected.

Please dont stay quite because this will one day build and blast.

So better talk to him abt trust at fist ...see how he takes it and tell him your wishes of shopping and running house hold interest.

Do not get money matter inbetween before you know how and what he thinks....


All the best and god bless you

richa

 

Re: Should a wife expect husband to give her right to do household shopping on her ow

I faced a similar one. I was not even given a single cent by my husband. I don't know like why he didnt have trust on me. I understand your pain very well. Talk to him openly and get it solved. In my case, I couldnt that as well as I went through many bad things.

 

Re: Should a wife expect husband to give her right to do household shopping on her ow

Hello Nithya,

I am sorry you have to struggle with trust issues with your husband. He is really NOT right to be doing this. Maybe what you should try is to show him that you can actually do better shopping with him.

Find out what is your weekly grocery bill usually. Make a list of things you need on a regular basis & then go online searching for coupons. I wasnt a coupon believer before but since I gave up my job I discovered it does actually save you quite much. So find coupons for things. Look for things on sale.

Then tell your hubby lets go grocery shopping together but let me handle the shopping, you just hang about with me. You pick all discounted stuff & things you have coupons for. I am sure youll manage to save some money off of your usual grocery bill...show that to him how you saved him so much money & ask him playfully to go treat himself with whatever money is save (even if its a small amt). When you have done this a few times...tell him that he can trust you now & should let you have enough money for household shopping & also some for yourself.

I am not sure if this will work (I did not have to face this situation), but I would give this a try.

Also, you ABSOLUTELY deserve a share out of the money he earns. You are NOT living off his money, you are his wife, you have a right to his money.

Tanuja M

 

Re: Should a wife expect husband to give her right to do household shopping on her ow

Nithya,

Have you tried having a casual discussion with him? without making it sound like you are offended.....just like " you know this question keeps popping in my head and obviously only u can answer it ----- Dont you trust me with money?? Do u belive i could over spend.....coz i dont think i am that way...infact i am absolutely sure of what i m doing...just wanted your opinion""
You know something along those lines and see what he has to say.....
If you do have financial probs assure him u wud never break the budget and that u need to have a life tooo.....OF UR OWN........

You say you have a masters in english literature...have u looked at jobs related to that here???? u can volunteer to teach in a school .etc.....or you can make money from home tooo...... like a catering business if you love cooking.....there is tons of desis looking for home cooked food catered....this way u will also get to prove to your hubby that ur cooking skills are not as bad as he thinks they are...
And please i am only suggesting this coz of your visa status issues which keep you from working outside of home....i know we indians could take to these ideas offensively....good luck!

 

Re: Should a wife expect husband to give her right to do household shopping on her ow

Hello;

I was reading your post regarding your husband and how he controls you by his money. Get Out! Here is why I say this. I was a single mother for most of my life, had a career, my own money etc...Then in my mid 50's I decided to marry and be a house wife....a dream to me since I worked for 35 years.....Guess what, he wanted to be the wife...so I decided to start my own company so I could get out! I am not going to sleep with any man that doesn't share his money, time and trust with me. So, having been in both positions....I can tell you it's much nicer on the other side without a control freak in your life. THIS IS YOUR LIFE NOT HIS! PS: God help you if you have children with this man....Money is a powerful tool and if you don't have your own then you don't have anything. I hope you live in a community property State, divorce him and take 60% of his precious Money! Then you can shop til you drop and never explain yourself to this control freak! Good Luck, Merry Christmas and Start Living YOUR life.!!

 

Re: Should a wife expect husband to give her right to do household shopping on her ow

Very old thread.