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Short Story - The Battle - Scene I

Discussion in 'Stories (Fiction)' started by Preethi, Sep 18, 2006.

  1. Preethi

    Preethi Gold IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    I am a newcomer to this website and have been enjoying every activity happening on this wonderful website. Being an amateur writer, Just wanted to share one of my short story that I had written with this group for all your feedbacks. Would very much appreciate your comments on my writing..I am a strong believer of Criticism and would take all your opinions in the right spirit and use that to improve myself better in all my future attempts of Creative Writing....

    Thanks and Regards,
    Preethi Prem

    The Story Begins from here :
    The Battle - Scene 1 :

    Dr. Vishawanath could not ask for more happiness in his life. When Atul broke the news of his passing the MBBS Exam, his joy knew no bounds. His 25 years of dreams and ambitions is going to come true atlas with his son stepping into his own profession as a Doctor. Being a neuro-surgeon himself, having one more from his own kin, gave him a sense of unexplainable joy and achievement. Atul is on his way to meet him now and Viswanath was waiting expectantly to hug his son and rejoice with him, over his success.

    While day dreaming in his cabin about Atul and his career, his thoughts were broken by a voice. “Doctor! An emergency has come up”…It was nurse Sheila, who was standing between the door gasping for her breath, it was obvious that she had been running around floors to attend to something very critical.

    Years of practice and experience has taught Viswanath, not to waste time in asking for briefs at his desk when emergencies come up and having worked under Viswanath for quite some time, Sheila knew his pulse. He immediately left the room with her and headed for emergency ward, when she briefed him the case. Two youths have been summoned to hospital one dead and the other under very critical condition with severe head injury and bleeding. The case looks apparently that of a mighty-clash in a college. One guy had struck the other a deadly blow on the head, which had killed him instantly, and the other was hit by a speeding truck, when in an attempt of escape, had madly run across the road.

    Viswanath, briefly checked on the medicinal proceeding that were carried out to the guy in critical condition before ordering to set up the operation theatre ready for an immediate surgery, while he wanted to check into the dead guy. Paying personal homage to the dead was deemed to be very humanitarian and of the foremost duty to a doctor, in his view.

    When Viswanath entered the room and pulled down the covered sheet of the deceased, he felt as if he received a big blow. The reality of what he saw, struck him hard and unexpected and he almost chocked to death. Seeing Atul under the sheets was last thing Viswanath anticipated and with his son dead, he felt himself half-dead. Viswanath was staggering to his feet, as his legs became weak and shaky.

    The news of Viswanath’s son’s death spread across the hospital like a wild-fire, Viswanath came to know sooner that the clash had started between him and his classmate Pradeep, the son of a powerful minister, over a girl, whom Atul wanted to shield from Pradeep’s clutches of misbehavior, which led to verbal war and later to physical attack. In a moment of fury, Pradeep had hit Atul on his head with a crowbar lying nearby which had caused him instant death. Now with the hospital management confronted by ministers, pressure was mounting on the management to make over the murder of Atul, look like an accident.

    The entire hospital was waiting expectantly to see Viswanath’s reaction for the operation on Pradeep, who was purportedly to perform the operation being the best neuro-surgeon on call.

  2. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Preethi
    Your narration is so beautiful. It is so sad that the father is waiting for his son's return but had such an unexpected death on the way.
    This is a real test to Viswanath that he has to operate the person who killed his son.......
  3. sapthu02

    sapthu02 Gold IL'ite

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    great going.. what i think is he would save this guy... as a doctor thats his duty rite.. let me read the next part now..
  4. shashiv

    shashiv Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Preethi,

    You have narrated so wonderfully...


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