1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Shocked and confused

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by dancingdoll, May 3, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. dancingdoll

    dancingdoll New IL'ite

    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Everyone,

    My marriage got postponed from April to august as requested by my future in laws.Everything was going fine till few days back.My fiance's cousin wedding took place recently.My fiance expected me to attend all the two days as he wanted me to represent him.He is in abroad now .I wasn't ready as i had office and i would feel lonely there.I am new to the family and i hardly know people there.This created a huge fight and in that process he uttered words like "worst day" for our marriage date as it wasn't scheduled on weekends and he feared people might miss his wedding as well.The dates were selected by his parents .I felt really bad for that.Later he felt sorry and said "sorry" some 20 times.He even expected my parents to attend all the two days.I find him immature now.I spoke to my parents and they weren't happy to send me all three times as i am still unmarried.They asked me to put the blame on them and not to attend.I didn't do that as i never wanted him to think ill about my parents.

    I attended two times just for his sake.Their family members were good to me but still i am confused whether this behavior of his is normal.I hope he doesn't turn into an abusive husband.I am scared to marry him now. My parents wants to talk to his parents but i am stopping them.I wanted to solve my problems on my own and not involve parents .He doesn't know that my parents know everything about our fight.If his parents knows it might spread among his relatives and he might not appreciate this.I don't want him to stop sharing his feelings because of this incident.he doesn't open up easily.

    Can you please tell me whether it's a red flag and i should stop this marriage.He is fine now and he was fine earlier as well.This is the first time i am seeing this side of his.

    P.S. I have got the right solution.Thanks radsanush for your reply.
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2012
    Loading...

  2. radsanush

    radsanush Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    37
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    hi dancingdoll .. In my opinion stopping ur marriage for this reason doesn't seem right. For all you know ur fiance was just super excited and wanted u to attend his cousin's marriage so that u cud get to know everyone in his family and he cud boast in front of his ppl that his girl was sweet enuf to come to attend their family function :). Its not wrong. But at the same time , he panicking that bcos of this nobody will come to ur marriage looks bit illogical. U have practical reasons as why u weren't able to attend. its fair enough. Also am sure his side relatives will also understand that its not possible for ur parents to send you to the marriage all the 3 times. Especially if a girl is unmarried and that too enagaged and having marriage soon , some ppl won't even let her step out. I would suggest that let ur parents talk to his parents and let them understand why you were not sent . I am sure they will know how to handle it. In a subtle way they need to put it to them that their son wasn't too happy abt this but they had reasons why they couldn't send you. You also need to talk to him and make him understand that u r more than happy to get to know their family soon and u too are super excited. Handle it carefully & certain things needs to be said when it has to be said. I know girls would want everything to go smooth always but life is not the way we want it always. U shud make it the way we want it. Ur parents talking to them will be a good idea.don't stop them.But make sure this issue is not blown out of proportion. Its not worth it. Every person has some downside , so don't judge your fiance just by this incident. its not fair. Men generally get over excited when it comes to their marriage , yes!! more than girls . they tend to fly up a bit , but they will come to normalcy slowly. don't worry :). As women, we have the capacity and patience to handle such petty stuff beautifully. Believe me we handle these things better than men . Also remember life will throw lots of things like this in future , u shud start learning how to handle it. Don't be scared, life will be beautiful and exciting. If not for things like this life won't be interesting isn't it :) .. Good luck & all the best.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. GMReddy

    GMReddy Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    383
    Likes Received:
    133
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    dear op,

    if your fiance is really interested in his cousin's wedding, he should have attended instead of asking you to attend on his behalf...you are not obliged to attend on his behalf as you are yet to marry him...

    yes, it is a concern to pressure you so much to attend his cousin's wedding...it's definitely a precursor to the things that are going to come in future...simple reason is without any authority presently he is putting so much pressure, once he gets the authority of husband, then it is simply going to be an order...

    so, think twice before marrying him and if only you can handle such pressures in future, you better go ahead with the marriage...the 20 times sorry is not going to mitigate the mental agony caused by him...

    you also inform your parents about this and take their help too in resolving the problem...

    best of luck...
     
  4. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,760
    Likes Received:
    4,258
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    DDoll,
    Nip it in the bud.
    Clarify with him why you could not attend and why it felt right to you.
    Have a open talk with him and use this as an opportunity to let him know
    what you think is right and what is wrong. That would keep both
    your expectations at the right level. Infact discuss about how you felt
    about his reaction and what are your fears too.
    But do it in a way you will work it out with your friend than as a power
    struggle. It is not a reason to stop the wedding but definitely reason enough
    to set the expectations right.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page